I’m still not convinced of Ashlee Simpson-Wentz’s “acting” skills, but she does a mean Tawny Kitaen impersonation! In tonight’s episode “Shoreline” she definitely won the competition for “best redhead to writhe against a fancy sportscar” since Whitesnake’s 1987 video for “Here I Go Again.”
And come to think of it, Violet’s skintight minidress and black booties did have a little ‘80s flair. But I’m jumping ahead of myself….let’s get back to why Violet was writhing (and with whom). It seems she was “watering Auggie’s herb garden” while he was away on a surfing trip, and she snooped around and found a letter Sydney wrote to Auggie about how her ex-husband Michael had ruined her life. So, Violet came up with a brilliant plan to down five cans of Red Bull and go visit Dr. Mancini with her racing heart. Excuse me, doesn’t the world’s best cardiac surgeon have better things to take care of? And can crazy women just barge into any doctor’s office and have a seat? What kind of hospital is this — Mancini’s getting women shirtless in his office and Lauren’s planning her prostitution schedule in the hallways.
Anyway, Violet was all too happy to flirt with the good doctor and convince him to come by for a free drink at Coal. The Doc was lured right in – “you look like a healthy young woman” he says looking at something near her heart. When he did come by for his drink, our little bartendress created a signature cocktail for Michael – “The M.D., because after you drink it you’re going to need one.” (No worries that Coal is turning into the Algonquin Round Table anytime soon.)
Michael got a call from his distressed wife to come home, but he made a short detour when Violet followed him to his car, made the first move (literally, her thighs were around him in rapid speed) and got him into the backseat before I could even yell “Stop! My Eyes Are Burning!” at the TV.
After that bit of fun, Michael came home from work the next day to find out his wife Vanessa (Brooke Burns) is interviewing nanny candidates. We’ve all seen The Hand that Rocks the Cradle, right? Of course Violet is the newest applicant for a loving daycare provider. Michael flipped out and dragged Violet outside to confront her. But she had a surprise in store for him – revealing that she was Sydney’s daughter and showing him a video she’d made of their sex-on-wheels the night before. “You hurt my mother. She was trying to get better but you wouldn’t let her. And now you’re going to pay,” she says. Given her certifiably crazy-eyed stares, we think she means business.
Among the other Melrose neighbors, Stephanie Jacobsen, who plays Lauren, must be a good actor because she can somehow sound legit with all that medical jargon and hooker pillow talk too. Still, she missed out on two opportunities that might have made this episode a lot more exciting – proving her “versatility” to madam Wendy (that’s something to do with threesomes); or her having to confess her new business venture to David when he visited the private yacht party she was working.
David was on the yacht because he got mixed up with a shady art dealer who wanted him to steal a $2m Egyptian antiquity. But David prefers to be a free agent, which meant he got a beating from the dealer’s associates. After Lauren took him to the hospital, he again aroused his father’s suspicions.
Ella was busy this week with fashion client Anton V, who has developed a denim line that “flatter the ass of every woman from every angle.” (I thought that might already exist in the form of tequila shots?) To Ella’s horror, Anton wanted Riley to be his new model. Riley insisted she’s too shy (then why do you jog in your bra!?) but decided to model eventually to help with Jonah’s money problems. Riley did look pretty smoking hot in those white jeans, though — even if the fur top was a little too Rachel Zoe for QVC.
So, what did you think of this episode? Did you also find that Violet-Michael coupling too disturbing to watch? How will she seek revenge on Michael, just asking for cash or something more devious? Looks like Jo (Daphne Zuniga) is back for next week’s episode, are you excited or will she be gone too quickly, like Jane?
Photo Credit: Michael Desmond/The CW
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On Violet’s shenanigans – I learned to skate over the Melrose cheese however irksome it is. And Violet does irk.
Lauren still has the best storyline going. Can’t wait to see Wendy cashing in her debt.
Also can’t wait to see Riley and Auggie mess around…and we should see Anton and Ella’s boss mess around.
This was a great episode and now way better and more watchable then 90210 . I am happy michael is not her father but do wonder who is .
I don’t think Sydney is her mother – I think she’s just nuts (and can’t act either).
I agree with your review – they “missed the boat” with Lauren ON the boat. Wouldn’t she have wanted to stay longer just to see what her neighbor was up to? Or vice versa so there could be some potential for blackmail or spilling the beans later on? It seems like the writers are avoiding confrontation, rather than embracing it. Maybe that’s why, despite Mrs. Simpson-Wentz’ wooden acting, I loved the final scene with her and Michael. It gave me that same “Yeah! Things are gonna get good now!” feeling I used to get from the old MP in it’s heyday. I think this show is starting to get it’s legs, but I’m still convinced it will be canceled by December.
i think heather locklear will save it again
Wendy, kick-ass review. I was giggling the whole time. Kudos to the tequila shot shout-out. I loved the episode but I have to say that I found the review even more entertaining!
Funniest line in the show: When Anton asked Ella’s boss out on a date to a fancy restaurant, he said, “I can almost taste the steak tartare now”. maybe I just have a dirty mind, but I howled!
It would have been funnier if he’d said, “I’ll definitely be ordering the tube steak!”
Ashlee Simpson is terrible. Besides walking like an ostrich, I can’t stand her crazy-girl-who’s-also-sexy routine. I really hope Violet is the one who gets killed off.
Last night’s episode was ok, but I hate the Violet character and Ashlee Simpson’s acting isn’t helping either. I really do hope that she’s the one that gets killed off but I have a feeling it’ll be one of the old characters. And after last night’s episode, I think David/Lauren would be a good pairing. They have a lot in common but just don’t know it yet. I’m really looking forward to next week with Auggie/Riley. Their fight about her kissing Auggie better last for longer than an episode.
Totally agree about David and Lauren! Their chemistry is off the charts!
Violet has to be the one to be killed off, she is HORRIBLE, I cringe everytime she comes into a scene. Neither Simpson daughter has any real talent….go back to Texas
At the risk of being shouted down, I have to disagree about Ashley Simpson. This isn’t a drama, it’s a campy soap, and she definitely plays up the camp.
I couldn’t agree more! I actually think her bad acting SERVES the crazy whack job role she’s playing! I love it.
To each his own but I know I fastforward every time she graces the screen.
Ashlee Simpson is AWFUL. Even on fast-forward hers eyes bugging out annoy the crap out of me. She needs to be the next person killed off.
If we’re voting for people to be killed off, I vote for Riley. I can’t effing stand her, and tonight’s “I’m too shy to work for a week and get paid $10,000″ routine cemented my disgust and contempt for her. Die Riley Die.
I watched the show for the first time last night, and it was ok. The actresses that play Lauren and Riley are beautiful, but I don’t care for Ashlee or Ms. Cassidy.
Does Violet know who her dad is? I never really watched the original, but it disturbed me that if she knew Michael had once been Sydney’s husband, wouldn’t she think there might also be a possibility that he be her father? I don’t know if the timelines coincide, but she doesn’t know how long Sydney and Michael had been together, right?
Plus there’s the fact that I can’t stand Ashlee Simpson’s acting… it’s like nails on a chalkboard watching her.
I realize that soaps often exist with their own timelines but just going by REAL TIME – Michael was married to Jane when the first series premiered in 1992 and didn’t get involved with Sydney until circa 1994. Not sure how old Violet is supposed to be, but IF Sydney truly is her mother, this would have happened way before she got involved with Michael.
I was wondering the same thing. If she’s convinced Syd is her mom wouldn’t she avoid hooking up with Michael JUST IN CASE. Another reason she’s crazy I guess.
Just had to add as original time wise, it’s not possible. Sydney and Michael didn’t sleep together until late ‘93. Violet is 18, meaning she would’ve been born in ‘91. The math doesn’t add up for him to be her father. I agree with others, though, don’t think Sydney is really her mother, she is just nuts and obsessed with Sydney for some yet unknown reason. Also, while I do think Ashlee’s acting is horrible, something about her innate creepiness almost kind of works in this role..
I actually really liked Ashlee Simpson’s character this episode. I think people are judging the character too quickly. She was the best thing about last night’s episode. She could be like a new Kimberly. I do agree that the prostitute girl and that other shady dude should have seen each other though. My money is on the shady dude or Ella to be killed off.
Speaking of which, I actually think Violet is Kimberly’s daughter. It wasn’t one red-head, it was the OTHER!
that would be a good twist and if she tried to kill everyone by the end of the season by blowing up the apartment complex or lighting it on fire lol
Violet – A new Kimberly???? No way she could even come close. She does not have the acting chops that Marcia Cross has or the like-ability factor that she brought to the part. I felt sorry for Kimberly sometimes and couldn’t wait for what crazy thing they would have her do next. As for Violet, I just can’t wait til they kill her off. It’s a shame they didn’t pick a better actress for the part of Syd’s kid. With that gene pool as a basis it really could’ve been a great ongoing story line.
If we have to get rid of anyone, PLEASE, in the name of humanity, dump Jonah and “Riles”. They are completely fast-forward material. Very lame. Okay, we get it that he’s a struggling artist and they’re getting married, but this “cuddling” talk and honeymoon chatter and “best fiance” in the world is really irritating. I am not rooting for either of them.
I agree, but every soap has to start off with a “sweethearts” couple that can be torn asunder. They won’t be together for long, I’m sure.
One of them just needs to go evil or crazy. They are just like Michael and Jane were during the first season of the original Melrose, boring! Make Riley crazy and they might be better.
No, Riley just needs to turn into a gold-digging whore and bang Auggie then Jonah goes all dark and becomes a successful but gets addicted to meth. bwhwhahaha