'Réalité' (in two parts): 'Top Model' goes Ninja; 'DWTS' brings sexy back; 'SYTYCD' crushes dreams; 'Runway' gets stupid

I failed to properly celebrate National Poetry Day earlier this week, because I was too busy watching reality television. But hey, in a certain sense, this week’s Réalité is a love poem: To Maksim Chmerkovskiy’s meticulously groomed chest and Natalie Coughlin’s rippling back on Dancing With the Stars. To Tyra Banks, Mr. Jay, and a giant rainbow snail on America’s Next Top Model (please use bunky French accent when saying show title). To the Other Brother of So You Think You Can Dance. To Logan’s unfortunate pant cuffs on Project Runway. And to Samantha Harris, for making everything just a little more beautifully uncomfortable. This one goes out to you.

Press play below to enjoy, be sure to stick around for part 2 (which will play automatically after part 1), and hit me up on Twitter @EWMichaelSlezak to weigh in on what other reality series we should be covering. I think I smell some Top Chef action cooking up in the next week or two, and we won’t be working with any inscrutable prawns.

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  • sara

    Love me some Realite! Top Model however doesn’t deserve another second of your time (stick a fork in it, it is Dun!). Instead, two words: Amazing Race!

  • Mike

    Please some Top Chef. I do not watch Top Model since I see enough of Tyrant on The Soup. Also, Amazing Race

    • amj

      Agreed Top Chef!!!

    • Cat

      yes top chef, try some Flipping Out, Jeff Lewis on Jimmy Fallon priceless, Million Dollar Listing, Rachel Zoe,

  • Lana

    WOOT!! #signmattgiraud

    Love you slezak!

  • flivr

    What was the purpose of Annie B. being on that recap? She added NOTHING and she interrupted Slezack constantly. Ugh. Please recap Top Model because I am watching SYTYCD and am missing ANTM. I can’t stand tyra but i do enjoy the photographs and sets!

  • Season

    I thought the island was going to move. rotfl!

    • Ceballos

      Ditto on the ROFL!

    • amj

      That was hillarious!

    • gigi

      Slezak is halarious!

    • Katja

      HA! Yes, that was my favorite part! I always love a geeky Lost reference, especially in the middle of a DWTS discussion.
      But now I have “HALF BREED!” stuck in my head.

  • Rose

    You are SO GOOD to Matt! I love you! Also, re Project Runway: I like Logan, he seems like an awfully nice guy. But. The clothes he came up with would have been okay if they had not been so dreadfully made. If they were made RIGHT, they’d fly. But, ..like, does he know how to sew?
    Whereas Epperson is a master seamster and not a bad designer. So kudos. Also – Top Chef pleez.
    Keep on truckin bb.

  • Lola

    Matt Giraud was amazing in that video clip. Thanks!
    Also, Project Runway sucks so much this season, I don’t even want to ride it out and may be done for life.
    Can’t wait for Top Chef to be included in Realite. I also second the Amazing Race suggestion.

    Keep up the good work Slezak.

  • kate

    love this show–def cover amazing race, i love zev & justin. don’t forget about a shoutout to get anoop signed!!!

  • Brian

    First of all, it needs to be the Slezak and Annie show all the time. Sorry Missy…you’re just not cheeky enough.

    Secondly, are Survivor and Amazing Race no longer reality shows? I mean, we all know they’re really scripted dramas, but they at least are marketed under the “reality” banner.

    And my last piece of advice (actually I’m not sure I’ve offered any advice yet, so this may be the only piece of advice) – you need to take some of these shows to task more aggressively. You had a lukewarm attack against this (stinkeroo) season of Project Runway, but you need to go after the ridiculous and arbitrary judging as well. And SYTYCD, you need to call out the bitchery of Mia and Tyce. It’s almost too much to watch. When Tyce sent home the cutie patootie because he didn’t “dance like it was the last time he danced” (uh hello…syntax much, Tyce?). This kid seemed to me to be the perfect contestant on SYTYCD – can dance, gymnast, and can grow, which we keep getting told is what they’re after. Except in Vegas where they’re actually after perfect dancers (Debbie Allen (whom I worship) but still – “there are other dancers stronger than you”…oh wait…is it no longer America’s favorite dancer and is now America’s strongest dancer?) I think they kicked him out cause they knew full well that his eyes would win him the whole competition and they would need to change the show to “So You Think You Can Stare At Me With Those Puppy Dog Eyes?”

    Oh, and finally, you need to have me as a call-in commentator.

    Keep it up.

    • Bill

      yikes, this is a long comment… i will set time aside tomorrow to read it, maybe.

      • Mark

        Eh, it took me 15 seconds, ish. And the thoughts were interesting, even if I didn’t always agree (I don’t happen to think the attacks have to be hyper-aggressive to be effective).

  • Jazzy

    Yeah, what is up with Matt Giraud, blew me away on the tour. He needs to be signed. Keep reminding us!
    Funny realite….where’s Kristin?

  • Midge

    #signmattgiraud! OMG how many times do we have to TWEET it?

  • Pat

    I would like to see Anoop signed before Matt. Anoop is better looking and I like his singing better.

  • Trish

    I don’t think things look good for Matt. He should have been signed by now, if it was going to happen. Even Sarver has something coming (tour and cd), he says before the end of the year. That was a shock. I agree with Pat, Anoop should get a chance at a record deal. He just needs some styling. He has the looks and talent.

  • coco

    move the island!!! LOL
    this is hillarious, you guys are the best.
    love everything tyra, she is so ridiculous!

  • Travis

    When are you going to talk about The Amazing Race?

    Also, it would be fun if you would give Dirty Jobs some love too.

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