'Kate Plus Eight': What will Jon Gosselin do now?

Jon-Gosselin_lTLC’s announcement that Jon and Kate Plus Eight will soon be minus Jon has been long-expected, especially by the few remaining viewers who’ve seen Jon’s participation in the show decrease week by week. (Just 1.7 million watched last Monday, according to People, compared to the more than 10 million who tuned in for the divorce episode in June.) Personally, though, I’m sad to see Jon go. Being charitable, Jon was the 10th-most charismatic person on the show. But, since the separation, he’s become that rarest of species: a reality show performer who openly despises being on a reality show. And, earrings and new girlfriends aside, that’s made Jon surprisingly compelling to watch.

So what’s next for JG? If he follows the Kevin Federline playbook, we can expect to see him playing himself in a self-deprecatory Super Bowl ad, guest starring as an impending corpse on a CBS cop show, and emerging as the surprisingly sane parent after Kate goes on a head-shaving bender. But I think Jon’s got a brighter future. He unfortunately wisely opted out of a show called Divorced Dads Club which would have co-starred Michael Lohan.  That tells you he’s smart enough to know a complete train wreck when he sees one (perhaps from experience.)

Here are the best options I can see for Jon’s next step towards glory:

  • Host a self-help show. The most entertaining thing about recent episodes of J&K+8 was the complete disconnect between Kate’s outspoken grief and Jon’s tunnel-vision jauntiness. Kate says, “Things have been hard, our family is falling apart, I miss Jon”; Jon says, “I’m gonna build a bonfire!” I see Jon doing an inverted Dr. Phil, where people come to him with their problems and he responds by complaining about his own problems and describing how much better his life is since he moved to New York.
  • Open a J&K-themed luxury restaurant. The six waiters complain endlessly and injure themselves. The two chefs bicker constantly. The curiously coiffed female hostess mediates between them all and ends up cooking everything and serving every table. Meanwhile, Jon sits on a sofa in the center of the dining room and does nothing.
  • Star in a film by Steven Soderbergh and not realize that Soderbergh is mercilessly deconstructing him.
  • Become a volunteer park ranger. Viewers of the show know how much Jon loves his great outdoors. By volunteering in a national park, he’d bring some much needed attention to the environmental movement and astronomically increase his chances of running afoul of an apex predator.
  • Write a behind-the-scenes memoir. Yes, it would be narcissistic, it would be Kate-bashing, it would contain unconvincing pleas of victimhood. But aren’t you intrigued to get a glimpse into what life was like in the Gosselin house off-camera?
  • Write a totally non-autobiographical fiction novel about a plucky father of eight rescued from a demonic wife by a reality TV show.
  • Spend 22 years living in a hotel and then, when he’s broke, fabricate an elaborate  stomach cancer story to move back into the family house so he can ingratiate himself with his emotionally distant children and break up Kate’s impending nuptials with Danny Glover.
  • Become a Tony Robbins-style counselor for the men suffering from emotional abuse. It would probably look something like this.

What do you think Jon should do next, PopWatchers?

Photo Credit: PRN/PR Photos

Also: Ken Tucker: Kate Gosselin takes over: It’s now just ‘Kate Plus Eight': Bye, bye, Jon!

Comments (228 total) Add your comment
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  • B Ro

    I vote he becomes the spokesman for Summer’s Eve

    • lmb

      You have my vote…lol That or birth control spokesman

    • Love it!!

      HA! Totally…. He went from sympathetic husband to Summers Eve Spokesmen in two shakes of his “I am leaving my kids/wife and moving to NY” tail…

    • Khristina

      BEST comment EVER…

      • Tarah Donnelly

        DITTO

      • kimmer

        IN

    • Sue

      TOTALLY agree. I was going to say “be a douche”.

      • georgi

        He already is a “douche”. he needs to do more than that, it just isnt working for him.

    • John

      I second it.

    • KJ

      HILARIOUS! Well done B Ro…I agree with Khristina-best comment ever!

    • Krissy

      Too funny! I can’t stop laughing

    • Stacy

      LOVE IT!

    • frostysnowman

      Hilarious!

  • Peg

    How about getting a job and stop living off the kids? He’s a network tech, isn’t he? Let’s see how many Ed Hardy tees and 20-somethings he can afford with that income.

    • Sara

      Most IT jobs are wary of someone who’s been out of the workforce for eight years. The industry changes frequently, he’d probably have to take a couple classes at ECPI or get his CCNA to be a viable candidate.

      • Get A Life

        I agree with Peg. Get a real job and stop exploiting the children. And stay home and be a dad for crying out loud. All those trips, time away, talk shows, parties, etc… yea. Dad of the year right there.

  • Elizabeth

    I suggest he goes back to working in IT and get away from cameras and finish growing up. Time to just let it go Jon. You were chewed up and spit out – we get that – but time to get over it.

    • Kaye

      Jon was fired from more than and at least 2 jobs with IT companies. As a matter off fact he wasn’t working for the 1st year the sextuplets were born. The last job he had during the show he was fired from. I dont think Kate had anything to do with his low self esteem. He’s just not that smart. Come on all those companies can’t be wrong. Kate was always the major breadwinner in their family.

  • pauch

    The thing about this guys is that sometimes it seems like he wants nothing to do with the spotlight but then he’s at places and events. At least with Kate you know where she stands

  • Melissa

    LOVE the Royal Tenenbaums reference!!

    • JLI

      THANK YOU! I was trying to figure out why that plot sounded familiar!

    • Luddite

      I second that.

    • Diggity

      Nice one.

    • Katie R

      THATS what its from… i could NOT figure it out. Thats hilarious

    • Stacy

      OK now I get it! yeah that’s funny, thanks for clearing it up for me!

    • frostysnowman

      Agreed! That was great.

  • The Hammer

    He can create a video discussing licking sweat off hairy balls……

    • Jon Gosselin

      My wife’s hairy balls that is.

  • Maria

    LMAO! Too funny!

    ——————————–
    B Ro Tue 09/29/09 2:47
    I vote he becomes the spokesman for Summer’s Eve

  • The Hammer

    Maybe he can make instructional videos on how to use penis pumps….

  • John

    He can wash my car

    • John

      He can wash the van too if he does OK with the car. TLC, if you’re interested, get in touch with my agent.

  • MAMA WEST

    I think Jon should just do a show about nothing.. let the cameras follow him as he evolves and grows.. I think it would help him as well as other abused men.

  • John

    Maybe he could do something he’s good at.

    • Benes

      I think in the last few months, we seen ALL that he is good at. And, MAMA WEST, I sincerely hope you’re joking…..

      • Donna

        MAMA WEST is no doubt a GWOP crazy. They hate everything Kate and Jon can mostly do no wrong.

  • Michelle

    Amen, B Ro!

  • Jordan

    This was hilarious. On a more serious note, how can we suggest to Jon what to do when he has no clue himself? Sad. BTW, I like The Royal Tenenbaums reference too!

  • John

    He could co-host on 3 sheets

  • Rubbers

    Do Trojan comemrcials!

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