The sound of Kara DioGuardi’s speaking voice and the sound of my soul howling in agony created constant cacophony in my living room during American Idol’s eighth season. Week after week after infuriating week, the “fourth-judge” deflated the high expectations I had initially held for her, dubbing “Cryin’” an “early Aerosmith” track, mislabeling the legendary Studio 54 as “Studio 57,” and worst of all, sticking to the judges’ table party line and yammering on about “package artists” as if she wasn’t a respected songwriter and a one-time major-label artist with a credible point of view and an understanding of the injustices of the modern-day record business. (Excuse that long-winded sentence; it needs to go see a therapist about its rage issues.)
But here’s the thing. Maybe it’s because I’ve had almost four months hiatus from Kara the Terrible’s patented brand of nonsense. Maybe it’s because this summer I got obsessed with Jessie James’ “Wanted,” a song co-written by Kara. Or maybe it’s just because I’m desperately holding out hope that Randy or Kara or Ellen — I don’t really care which one of ‘em it is — will become a second, respected voice at the Idol judges’ table, a person who can and will stand up to Simon when he’s wrong, when he says Allison Iraheta isn’t likeable, or when he overlooks Ricky Braddy’s masterful vocals to comment on his lack of “personality.” Whatever the reason, I’m wondering if we should all (blasphemy alert!) wipe the slate clean to start season 9, and give Kara another take.
Part of me wants to say “yes,” and yet girlfriend’s not making it easy. Take Kara’s explanation earlier this month to Larry Flick’s Sirius XM radio show about why Idol fans and critics widely panned her performance during season 8. It was hard for people “to accept the change,” she said. “It was difficult for them to understand why somebody who nobody had ever heard of could kind of come out of nowhere and sit next to these iconic figures. You know, why was I there, what did I do to deserve to be there?” Can I get an America’s Got Talent-style red ‘X,’ complete with obnoxious buzzing sound? If Kara really wants to go from Bust List to Must List for season 9, she needs to stop blaming the victims (the American Idol nation) and understand that she was the true criminal, charged with (among other things) banging the table and screaming “You give us all hope!” after Danny Gokey sang “Hero.”
In all seriousness, though, the Idol machine worked overtime last year to educate the public about Kara’s songwriting and production credentials, and I don’t think even the most change-phobic Idoloonie was so enamored of Paula or Randy’s feedback that they wouldn’t have accepted a whip-smart, savvy panelist to break up their weekly “for me, for you”-”you look beautiful tonight” litany. The real problem was that Kara’s “hundreds and hundreds of words, signifying nothing” approach to critique cut into airtime for Kris, Adam, Allison, and all of season 8’s other talented contestants, without adding anything entertaining or useful to the Idol experience. It’d be like having someone swipe a chocolate molten cake off your plate and replace it with a lukewarm glass of tap water.
Perhaps more disturbingly, though, Kara told New York magazine earlier this week that she’s shopping a reality show called Dropped, which will take “the best acts that have been dropped and [give] them a second chance.” Um, Kara, sweetie, here’s the thing: Dropped actually sounds like an interesting concept for a show, but before you get distracted with side projects, you’ve got to handle your Idol situation. Otherwise, you might find that proposed show title all too prescient when Idol’s tenth season becomes a no-Kara zone in 2011.
What do you think, fellow Idol watchers? Are you holding out hope that Kara’s performance will improve when the show returns in January, or are there “no boundaries” to describe her patented brand of incompetence? Or maybe you’re one of those rare folks who proudly wears a Team Kara T-shirt! Share your thoughts in the comments section below, and don’t forget to follow my on Twitter @EWMichaelSlezak!
Photo Credit: Jack Guy/Fox
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I agree. I think to a certain extent Kara had some pertinent things to say, but was bogged down with trying to be what she thought American wanted her to be. But she needs to take a step back and realize that she is not a victim of the frugal American populous…she made herself a villain. But on the other hand, Americans are really quick to forgive and forget if the person at fault is willing to accept the blame for his/her actions. There is hope for Kara the Terrible. I mean… she did see the talent in Matt, and he went on to surprise everyone.
There are too many judges.
I dont like Kara. The way she talks with all the “Sweeties” Its sickining for me to listen to. I wish they never hired her! I think Im over the show last year was not enjoyable for me.
Last year had the best artists and all anyone could rant about was HER! why they brought her back I will never understand.
I swear, when I see her I’m reminded of Roseanne Roseannadanna. Am I the only one who sees this. Even when she talks!!!!
It’s always something. Either you got a little piece of lint hanging from your corner of your mouth, or you got a bod judge.
I agree i think we could have don’t without Kara. She really sucks and i’m really glad to see that i’m not the only one who feels this way. She needs to stick to whatever she did before idol. I think the show was just fine with 3 judges.
Michael,
“dubbing “Cryin’” an “early Aerosmith” track”
It’s Dream On, not Cryin’
Kara said “Cryin’” and “Crazy” were “early Aerosmith” tracks. That’s what Michael is referring to.
Correct and they were a good decade into their careers. And certainly not their first hits!
In response to GW singing Dream On, Kara said, “I don’t see you on this, I see you more as early Aerosmith — Cryin’, Crazy…”
Right which made her sound totally incompotent considering Dream On came way earlier.
Don’t attempt to point out Slezak’s mistakes. Get out of my computer, demon.
I see Kara and think blahdee blah blah. She talks way too much.
To be honest, I generally appreciated Kara’s critiques last year. I’m not sure why she got so much flack when veteran judge Randy offered not one educated critique the entire season. On top of that, he has yet to do anything entertaining–at least Kara had that drama with Bikini Girl. I’d like to see Kara break out of her shell a little this year; I will admit that sometimes I felt she was agreeing with the other judges just to fit in. I guess we’ll just have to see what happens!
I agree here except I didn’t see that she was in much of a shell. Seemed like she was extremely opinionated for sure. I did like the bit with Bikini Girl though, very entertaining and unexpected.
Oh, you’re the one who liked that bit? I’ve been wondering who it was!
I’m in the club that agrees that she should be given some slack given how bad other members of the judging panel were that year (even Simon, IMO, completely jumped the shark last year. He may have been the lesser evil, but he certainly wasn’t a helpful critic).
But what is being held against her, in my opinion, are largely rookie mistakes. Anyone can make a mathematical error, or completely screw up a referent (it happens to more of us than we’d care to admit), and I think a good deal of what gets tossed at her critically are really along those lines. On the other hand, she needs to use different language than “package artist” (or, if she must, at least make it clear she means “easily definable sound” when she does so).
For what it’s worth, she’s a world better than any of the judges were in Season One. Look back over the tapes. They’re really depressing (actually, Randy may have been better, but that only makes it moreso). And, even at Season Five, we had Simon saying Innuendo wasn’t sung live by Queen because it was a bad song… despite being the title track of that album, and the issues regarding the live performance were about Freddy Mercury dying of AIDS.
Innuendo is a great song by Queen but it’s a horrible song to squeeze into the American Idol format. Just like A Day in the Life didn’t lend itself to a 90 second version.
That may be, but if you watch back the actual critiques (Simon references the “great Queen songs”), that was definitely not what was meant in that context, at all. It *might* be another A Day in the Life… though, if we want to be honest, Bohemian Rhapsody has gotten several successful covers, and lord knows I would think it to be no less difficult to condense.
Yet she almost always agreed with Randy. Or said, “Let me say this…” or “Just let me say that …” Not much original came out of her mouth. Hope she does better this year as I don’t think she can do worse.
I agree here. Kara had some good moments where her critiques had some substance whereas Randy 95% of the time says one sentence usually in the genre of “It was just aight fo me dawg”, “We got a hot one here tonight”, or “For me, for you…I just wasn’t feelin’ it. Sorry”. I mean…seriously FOX. Could we find a judge who is literate at least? Heck…pay me a minute percentage of what you pay him and you’ll get better results. At least I could form an acutal sentence with actual words from the dictionary. Randy brings NOTHING to the table….absolutely NOTHING! I would pick Kara over him every day of the week and twice on Sundays….and I’m not a Kara fan.
You know my stance on this. All I’m saying.
“Wanted” is a truly amazing song, by the way.
She needs to go.
Two words (or as Kara would probably say, “Four words”): “No Boundaries.” She will never be forgiven for that. Or for her terrible critiques. Or for flashing her bikini at the crowd when her singing was enough to make her point.
I will probably not watch AI next year. I am curious about how Ellen will do, and I like the EW coverage a lot, but the judges just made the whole experience miserable this year, and Kara was a big part of that.
No Boundries is really not a bad song c’mon….
Hard to believe Michael S. did not mention that abortion of a song in his column. That pile of vomit alone should be reason to boot her.
After Kris won, we heard the song ONE TIME on the top 40 station we’re forced to listen to at work. ONCE. This is a station that played David Archuleta 7 times a day (the only song he had), still plays David Cook several times a day, and Daughtry in heavy rotation.
No Boundaries? O-n-e time.
i will not be watching the new season of Idol so I dont care. I have no interest in idol when Paula isnt there. Dioguardi is incredibly boring and has like 400 followers on Twitter, thats how little anyone cares about her. I think Paula gained that same amount in the last 5 minutes! lol
Paula is a blithering idiot and so is anyone still using lol, honey.
everyone still uses lol….sooo i dont know what youre talking about
At least Paula didn’t try to compete against the singers. Kara was always trying to one up them.
Kara can at least sing, unlike all the other judges. She knows what it is like up there.
lololololol.
Ok, she got her feet wet ( so to speak ) last year on Idol, so watch out, she’ll be even greater this year. I personnaly love the song that she co-wrote FOR ADAM, “NO BOUNDARIES” (YES, FOR ADAM) and looking forward to her work on her new project “STRUT” for ADAM. She knows her stuff!!!
Thanks for the comments, Adam. I enjoyed your performances on Season 8.
adamfan70…I totally agree with you.
NO PAULA- NO IDOL FOR ME. thats all I really have to say. Dioguardi got her chance, she failed to make fans and she failed to boost ratings. But I dont care, since Im not gonna watch it anyway. you either have IT or you dont. paula has it. this diogurdo person doesnt.
Bring Back Pauler!
I will give her another try. I didn’t think she was all that bad. Once Ellen comes on board everyone will be focused on her.
I’ll give Kara one more chance this year. I’ve watched Idol,since Season Two and won’t ditch them now, even if I go into Paula withdrawal.
Kara is really not as bad as you make her out to be. I generally agree with you Slezak, but I’ve always thought you were dead wrong about Kara. I personally think she gives the most constructive feedback, and is the most knowledgeable about music. And as far as blaming the Idol nation, I think she was justified in doing so. People still don’t like her just because she broke the “original 3″ format (NOT her fault, by the way, blame TPTB) and they would pick on ANY little thing she did because they were still pissed about that. Of course she was going to have some bad moments, it was her first time ever judging in a show’s 8th season. That must have been intimidating for her. I think she will still bring a unique and intelligent approach to Season 9 and people should just learn to accept that she is here to stay.
And honestly…who really cares that Paula left. People say Kara brought nothing to the show, but Paula REALLY brought nothing. She never had anything intelligent to say, and always treated it like a joke. Was she entertaining? Sure. But I would rather hear something relevant to the contestants singing, and no, “You look beautiful” doesn’t cut it.
i agree completely with jack. if a contestant is horrible, you dont have to rip them apart. but she always begins with “i just want to say, your outfit looks great today”. it’s not necessary. she never really said anything constructive. i’m really hoping ellen brings something different to the show and actually critiques the contestants like this is a singing show and not a beauty pageant.