ABC has announced the 16 (that’s more than ever before!) couples for season 9 of Dancing With the Stars, which premieres Monday, September 21. It’s way too early to make “accurate” guesses at how they’ll place without having seen anyone pull a groin, fall on her head, or suffer a tender/annoying emotional breakdown during a rehearsal package…let alone successfully traipse down a day-glo staircase in four-inch heels! That said, here is my completely uninformed ranking, from most likely to get booted first, to probable winner. Considered factors include estimated dance talent (pshaw!), hotness, familiarity (especially to viewers over 50), likability, popularity of pro (x1000), and whether the Star is a retired NFL superstar.
Louie Vito and Chelsie Hightower He is a snowboarder.
Kathy Ireland and Tony Dovolani I love you, Tony, but there are two models this time, and Derek got the other one.
Ashley Hamilton and Edyta Sliwinska Super-tan genes can only get you so far!
Tom DeLay and Cheryl Burke I can’t see people voting for him — even/especially after a rousing cha cha set to “Hammer Time” — but I do see them voting for Cheryl.
Kelly Osbourne and Louis Van Amstel Picturing some high-intensity meltdowns until people get sick of the drama…
Macy Gray and Jonathan Roberts She’ll try.
Aaron Carter and Karina Smirnoff Nobody cares about Aaron Carter, but come on, it’s Karina! Plus, they might actually dance well. (I know, I know, it’s not about the dancing.)
Natalie Coughlin and Alec Mazo Yes, she’s an Olympian, but Alec hasn’t seen a finals week since season 1…
Chuck Lidell and Anna Trebunskaya Depends on if the Ultimate Fighting champ becomes this season’s fish-out-of-water fave, a la season 8’s Ty Murray.
Debi Mazar and Maksim Chmerkovsky Her personality rules. His is okay.
Joanna Krupa and Derek Hough She is a model. But he is Derek.
Mya and Dmitry Chaplin She’s already an amazing dancer. It’s kind of all over YouTube.
Mark Dacascos and Lacey Schwimmer The hilarity of the guy who dances at the beginning of Iron Chef being a Dancing With the Stars contestant probs won’t wear off too quickly. Plus: Lacey.
Michael Irvin and Anna Demidova Football player alert; plus, fans could be rooting for new pro Anna for underdog reasons.
Melissa Joan Hart and Mark Ballas She’ll feel out of character as he explains it all to her, and this will be her hurdle. I think she’ll get over it!
Donny Osmond and Kym Johnson I’ve made peace with it. Please don’t be annoying.
Rank ‘em yourself in the comments, DANCMSTRs!
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No, Donny can’t possibly win. I haven’t forgiven the show for the Marie debacle yet. And I’d say that Macy Gray goes home much earlier than your prediction–she just seems way too awkward. And I’d give more time to Edyta and Ashley just because she’s Edyta and because you *know* that George has to have quite a few cameos in there and people still love him from his season. And I think that Louie and Chelsie will slide along for a while simply because the camera (and the fans of both DWTS and SYTYCD) loves Chelsie. I have no idea what to think of Tom DeLay. If the older, Republican voters come out in force, he might just stick around. I’m going to need to see them all dance at least once and see the chemistry between the partners before I can even imagine who might win.
I agree on Chelsie. She’s on of my fave sytycd of all time, maybe even more than Lacey, and look how far she brought Ty. Don’t underestimate the popularity and ability this girl has to win votes and to bring and a “star” farther than expected. Also think Derek’s girl is a crybaby. Only saw one episode of that sports show but she was a sore loser. Derek or no Derek, if she can’t dance well and/or pulls that kind of stuff she’ll be gone sooner rather than later. Kim’s a sweetheart but I’m with Mark, Lacey and Chelsie all the way. Was so glad Melissa got Mark cause I love her.
I am the opposite and wish Derek got Melissa instead. It is Derek, Lacey and Chelsie all the way.
fantastic! at this point the dancers are becoming as popular as the “celebs” so I think you are right on as far as Tom Delay making it further. I think Chelsie has an amazing talent as a teacher and as long as Vito can work hard, she is my pick!
The Ultimate Fighter paired with sassy Anna TreBUNskaya…can’t wait!
I love Anna so I hope he does well enough to keep her around for awhile. But I think it’s going to be between Natalie Coughlin and Mya this year.
Am I the only one that thinks Coughlin is the spitting image of Belinda Carlisle? I almost cried when 3 people had no idea who that was. Oh and i saw Phelps in a bar last night and would have loved to ask him if he would watch Natalie on DWTS. I’m not that big a dork though. Maybe Annie or Billy Bush will do it for me.
Poor Jonathan Roberts. He never, ever has a chance.
ITA, he seems like such a sweet guy, I wonder who he PO’d to get the partners he’s had!
I think the same thing about Louis. He blew me away on SYTYCD this year though. He’s an amazing choreographer. The ballroom on that show has never been so good. Well except when lacey and Benji choreographed. I want Max to be on DWTS but he probably didn’t get far enough. If Asuka ends up there though I’ll quit watching.
def. Donny for the win!!!!!
I don’t even watch this show, but this blog post was hilarious! (And why did I read it if I don’t follow the show? I’m THAT bored.)
LOL ditto!
you should watch it and/or read annie’s recaps of each show. they’re just as good!
I have to agree – even if you don’t want to watch the show, reading Annie’s blog/recaps is more than worth it! And the show itself can really be pretty funny/entertaining thanks to great host Tom Bergeron.
i can’t wait to see Mark Dacascos.. He’s my early fav but I actually vote on the people that performed the best.. Shocking I know
Not me, I plan on voting him for every time and every way possible. I would love to see his co-workers or past judges showing up for support!
me too!!
Alton Brown would be a hoot on this show!!!! He’s my nerd crush!
I can see Edyta Sliwinska pouting already!!
I see Mark Dacascos becoming a crowd favorite real quick. The guy is already smooth on his feet with all his martial arts training/coordination.
My top 3 are Mya, Marc Dacascos, and Micheal Ervin. The dark horses everyone will be surprised by are Kelly Osbourne and Tom DeLay…I got a feeling these two have moves!
Obviously Maya and Dmitry. Second Eccch Donny. Of couse I will have to read about it because I don’t think I will watch this mess for more than a week. So sorry Mak and Edyta. Though both of you will make nice looking pairs.
Donny Osmond The Winner of course.
You’ve got that one right for sure.
Donny had fans of all ages and Donny Osmond is not annoying!!!
Anyone who thinks Donny Osmond is NOT annoying is out of touch with reality – he is the epitome of annoying.
Annoying maybe. But, incredibly sweet man. Donny, FTW!
Yep…annoying to the 100th degree! He sucked the life out of me when his SISTER was on the show…what the h&%$ am I going to do when he, himself, is on it?!?!?
Since when is Donny not annoying? Have you been living underneath a rock?
You and Donny are annoying.
9 Seasons? Didn’t this show start in 2006? I thought a Season was from September/October through May/June. With at least 23 episodes not 9 episodes. Just thinking old school.
There are two seasons a year. One in the fall and one in the spring.
Did you forget Season #1? Was on Bravo & there were only six couples.
These shows always keep the controversial contestant on-I’m thinking Tom Delay is that guy?
I love the karina has a finally gotten a great partner — I hope that Aaron and karina go to the finals!
What about Mario Lopez? It’s hard to get much better than that.
I get hard thinking of Mario and I’m a female.
I get hard just thinking of Mario and I am a female.