Kim Zolciak's first single: Rest easy, Beyonce!

Kim-Zolciak_lEver since The Real Housewives of Atlanta‘s Kim Zolciak bleated the first few aborted notes of her country career last season, I knew America was in for a treat. Now her very first (not at all country) single has dropped, and to my utter shock, it is not technically the worst thing I have ever heard!

It’s…not the best thing I’ve ever heard, but “Tardy for the Party” is more lame than it is unlistenable, unlike the “music” of Heidi Montag, say, or that terrifying, hilarious cover of “Such Great Heights.”

Lyrically, though, I’m puzzled. I think most of us associate the word “tardy” with school and propriety and all, and if you’re keeping track of what time people show up, well, that’s hardly a party attitude. I’m not much of a club person — no, it’s true! — but the line “I’ll be feeling good by nine / after my third glass of wine” sort of threw me: I don’t usually associate dancefloor antics and club-going with wine per se, but if The Real Housewives franchise has taught me anything, it’s that other people don’t always think the way I think, particularly when it comes to wine drinking. (And breast management.)

Are your ears bleeding, PopWatchers? Or is this going to be your end-of-summer jam?

Photo credit: Wilford Harewood/Bravo

Comments (70 total) Add your comment
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  • wakeforce

    tardy rhymes with party. Get it? Anybody with a microhone and Auto-Tune could have producedthis piece of Sh** Britney doesn’t have to worry, either.

  • Smarts

    Come on! This is actually pretty good!!

    • Trish

      I totally agree, as annoying as she is but it’s really good. I’d jam to it ..

  • Anna

    Nothing redeemable about this “song”. I’m looking forward to laughing my a$$ off at the music video…

    • kerry

      lol i like her alot but that is gonna be funny seeing herr making the video

  • Tyre

    Auto-tune at its finest!

  • CanCan

    LMAO!!! This is serious??!!!!

  • Lynny

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I giggle everytime I hear her say the hook. Poor Kimmy, she is proud of this I am sure.

  • Snarf

    The speakers on my computer threatened suicide if I ever play that again.

  • Fatima

    Potential NeNe/Kim drama: During the first episode of this season, NeNe was driving with Lisa and her husband to Niecy Nash’s party and she sang a little ad-lib on the car ride there. The line: “Don’t be tardy for the party.” Uh-oh

    • Kevin

      Great catch – I remember that too!

      • crystal

        that’s because in season 1, kim’s kid’s music teacher wrote up some songs for her to show dallas austin and one was THIS SONG. and when she played it for nene, nene died laughing at how cheesy it was. that’s why they love singing “don’t be tardy for the party” on the show.

  • Kevin

    What a total piece of trash – not unlike her in general. If her song had anything like “close yo legs to marry a man” or “who gon’ check me boo?” then it would have been way hotter.

    • nicole


  • erin

    i sing demos and…yeah, this is all autotune. though i don’t think anyone expected anything more from kim. ;)

  • Chappel

    I tried to listen to it all the way through… I really tried. But I failed. I think Theodore Sturgeon was being overly optimistic when he said ninety percent of everything is crap.

  • Andy

    Thank you, Papa. I love it!!

  • Love Happens

    The best part of the song is when the background singer goes ‘On Air With Ryan Seacrest’

    • missfantah

      You’re not very smart. “On air with Ryan Seacrest,” is not part of the song. The song was played on his radio show, and they constantly say that throughout the music.

  • CNJ

    Sounds like what an old person thinks a young person dances to…

  • Patrick

    Um… this is kinda good. I hate myself.

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