News of Kara DioGuardi’s imminent return to American Idol hit the Internet today, and after a few hours of garment-tearing, violent sobbing, and unrepentant carb-consuming, I was able to compose myself long enough to express my feelings in song, to the tune of Amy Winehouse’s “Rehab.” (Feel free to click that link if you need musical accompaniment!) And it goes a little somethin’ like this…
They’re bringing Kara back to Idol
I say ‘no, no, no!’
The fourth judge is wack
Come on, what the frak?
You know know know
Ken Warwick tell me why
You want to make your cash-cow die
They’re bringing Kara back to Idol
When she should go go go
I’d rather watch someone who’s able
Not some wench who bangs the table
‘Cause there’s nothing
There’s nothing she can teach me
Since she don’t know from early Aerosmith
I want my Idol fine and dandy
So they’ll also have to kick out Randy
They’re bringing Kara back to Idol
I say ‘no, no, no!’
Please give her the sack
Paula’s stabbed in the back
That’s low low low
Could this news be one big tease?
Never forget ‘No Boundaries’
They’re bringing Kara back to Idol
But she should go go go
More on ‘American Idol’: Paula Abdul: Tread carefully with your ‘Idol’ contract negotiations
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Comments (1-15) of 87 Add your comment
Kara is great!
Agreed. Kara forever! Slezak should replace Randy.
slezak i’m usually with you 85% of the time, but i’m actually happy kara’s coming back. think of it this way: now you and kristen have more mocking material for next season’s idolatry.
I hate Kara on AI. She brought nothing to the show. They better bring Paula back….or else.
Oh come on. This is just stupid.
Kara is dumb….thank you for writing this…it made me feel better for a minute
I’m really happy Kara is coming back
she’s better than paula and randy
I totally agree with john t. I don’t actually watch idol regularly but i’m a HUGE idolotry fan. Keeping Kara around will only give you and Kristen B. more ammo and me more laughs.
by the way–i LOVED your SYTYCD recap!!
Michael bashing an attractive woman? That’s as rare as the Globetrotters whipping the Generals.
I’m sorry but I’m glad that Kara’s back. I don’t think you should be this hard on her. It’s a pretty tough job to start out on the #1 show in America, it was meant to be rough for her.
No, it’s not tough. It’s not tough to get your music facts straight and be a judge. It’s not tough to provide actual critiques instead of pimping the words ‘artistry’ and ‘package artist’ over and over again.
However, I’ll take Kara over Randy any day. He’s a waste of two seats at the judge’s table.
It’s not Kara. It’s just too many judges doing too much talking.
YES! The feedback from four judges takes longer than each song does! But if Kara could learn to keep it short and Paula could learn to stop interrupting Simon, it mght work.
i’ll lay off the kara-bashing (i’ll leave that to the bashing experts of idolatry :p), if they keep paula in the show.
Your best parody yet.
Write all the songs you want, but Kara is still coming back. Zero points for the haters, one point for the Kara fans!
Uh, dude. You’ve got no place to be awarding points to anyone.
Kara was a terrible judge and didn’t add anything to the show. They never should have added a fourth judge.
Brilliant!
We don’t want Kara on the show. #KeepPaula
I agree with those above me who actually are glad Kara is back. She is much more coherent than either Paula or Randy. Sure she made some mistakes but I’m sure half of the commenters on this site would also misspeak if they went on live tv without any prior experience.
Well, that’s why none of us are Idol judges.