For the past two weeks, I’ve been trapped in a strange vortex of Michael Jackson nostalgia that took me completely by surprise. After spending the past 20 or so years not giving much thought to the King of Pop, suddenly I was obsessed. I bought an out-of-print MJ biography on Amazon. I've been staring at old pictures ofJackson as a kid and young man and naively wondering, “How did it all gowrong?” I haven't been able to pick up my iPod without going directly to Thriller or Off the Wall (both of which I recently added), nor can I walk by a computer without throwing myself head first into a YouTube binge of vintage videos. (Clearly, I am highly susceptible to musical nostalgia.) It all brings back such vivid memories of being in third grade and spending my allowance on MJ earrings at Spencer Gifts. (They were dangly ovals, with that picture of him in a yellow sweater vest. I’m sure you know the one.) And of course I still recall how deeply the "Thriller" video both scared and entranced me, especially if I happened to catch it before climbing up into the top bunk and going to bed.
But enough is enough. I need to lift myself out of this pit of weepy, obsessive reminiscing and get back to pretending I have a life. It just makes me too sad. If I don’t extract myself, my friend (and fantabulous Idolatry producer) Jason Averett might just have to go all intervention on my arse — something he first mentioned after I yammered on (for about the 800th time) about dancing to “Billie Jean” in a Girl Scout talent show in 1983. I wore a pink leotard, had my hair in French braids…
Ouch! (That was me, slapping myself.) Eh-hem. So seeing as I'm bidding my habit farewell, I thought it only fitting that I offer you a final, unmissable video from 1983. The quality ain't great, but the rare site of a relaxed MJ sitting at home, joking around with big sis La Toya — at 2:21 he jokes, “I’ve got an idiot for a sister, folks!” in a comical cartoon voice — and calling to brother Tito off-camera more than makes up for it. The clip below is part 3 of 3, so if you’ve got the time, definitely check out the first (in which he introduces us to his pet llama, Louie) and second (in which he gives a lovely impromptu a capella concert by his backyard water fountain). Jackson was at the height of his Thriller fame here and to see him in such a carefree, human light is unforgettable. And heartbreaking. So go ahead and watch 'em all. I swear you won’t get addicted like me. I can stop anytime! I'm so not going to scoot on over to YouTube right now. No way!
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it’s heartbreaking to see him then.
You’re not the only one. I too am having an inexplicably hard time moving on. I never thought I was his biggest fan, but the past two weeks all I’ve done is listen to MJ and hop online every few minutes to see if there is anything new to report. Perhaps I’ll try kicking the habit too. After I watch this.
Me too! I have not been able to stop You Tubing old MJ interviews from the late 1970s/early 1980s. So handsome, sweet and articulate. This is one of my favorites: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xcY1f9ja6NQ
Also check out the making of “We Are The World” and this adorable outtake: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8dfwQEWDvI
RIP MJ.
Me too, I’m right there with ya! Another You Tube revelation last night was that Martin Bashir who interviewed Michael over an 8 month period in 2003 edited the interviews in such a way to create doubt, mistrust and create scandal.
To HEAR the truth, go to You Tube and enter in the search bar “Living with Michael Jackson The Truth 1″, and view all following segments.
I wished they would televise this now!
Man, this interview made me really sad. When he said he’s just learning how to make friends and then was asked who his friends are…he couldn’t name anyone! This was right when Thriller was out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2lfk2n-iRDU&feature=fvw
Love this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jX9dhggUWME
And I’m done!
I am Rumanian, from east Europe and I feel just like you… I thought it was only me to act that childish at almost 40… but it seems this is,in fact,normal.It is like re-finding myself and all those years and all those mixed up first emotional feelings
Thank you for this article. I’ve been in a similar state.. listening to his songs over and over (More ’90s stuff for me though; Dangerous and HIStory albums, even a few tracks off Invincible like “Heaven Can Wait” — ohhhh man). I’ve also been really sad about the whole thing, I just wish he knew how the public felt about him before he passed–we didn’t all agree with stupid late-night hosts and tabloids.
I am enlightened to think that I am not the only one suffering from this Michael Jackson disease. I too was always a fan but also have not paid much attention to his music in recent years. I am not sure I can wrap my brain around some of what is being said about his drug addiction etc. however revisiting his music and his dance artistry has blown me away. You made me laugh. Thanks so much for this post. He was such a cutie, what went wrong?!!
I’m glad I’m not the only one. I watched the first part of this video a couple of days ago, but stopped watching because the quality was so bad. I’m glad you put it here, because this is a good video. Maybe someone will release a good quality version of all of these great interviews.
I am glad I am not the only one! I have been the same! Thanks for the article.
I am glad I am not the only one. I have been the same. Thanks for the article.
Oh my goodness I’m just the same. I listen to Michael Jackson a lot but didn’t feel much emotional connection to the man, but I can’t get over how devastated I am by his death. I really feel like we have lost a cultural fixture and in such a tragic way after an increasingly tragic life. It’s shockingly hard to deal with, and I’m speaking as someone who is always very cynical about celebrity. I have had one of his songs in my head ever day since he died and keep keep keep watching his videos. And I wrote an entire blog post about him (which I wouldn’t usually plug but I took particular care over this one) http://topazbean.wordpress.com/2009/07/08/calling-michael-jackson-the-greatest-entertainer-who-ever-lived-may-only-be-a-matter-of-opinion-but-it-is-a-valid-one/
Hey, thanks a lot for this. It’s the nicest thing I’ve read since June 25, and I’ve read a lot.
You make me feel a little less guilty for having spent the last weeks listening to his music, watching videos and reading old articles… pretty much like you
I’m also looking forward to, maybe in a few years, when all this speculation has died down, when someone with a bit of intelligence makes the definitive documentary of his life, putting his personal life and musical achievements in context and perspective. How brilliant if Spike Lee made it??
I can totally relate to this. I am in the same boat…but I don’t feel guilty for being obsessed with him…it will fade away with time I guess.
RIP MJ.
IM exacully the samme=]
i went to buy a book about hiim too
and listen to his music all the time,
im listening to him now actually:)
R.I.P MJ’ X X
Me too. I can’t stop watching him perform, listening to him sing. How did this all go so wrong?? It makes me so sad.
OMG I’m so glad I found this article, I’m not the only one!! I grew up with his music, but I was never a massive ‘fan’ although he was in my life since I was a child.
Now I can’t stop watching his videos, and listening to his music, and feel ridiculously teary whenever I hear ‘She’s out of my life’ or ‘Will you be there?’
Like you, I guess it will be a short-lived thing as the world “grieves” together, and in a few weeks we’ll be back to normal.
But for now, I can’t explain why I feel so sad and affected by his death. It’s really nice to know I’m not the only one though, although part of me feels really guilty that I didn’t appreciate him this way while he was alive.
oh my god. thank you. i thought i was alone in this. (you are not alone, i am here with you……….) i like to think it is just a part of grieving.
I am from Hungary and I have never been a fan of Michael Jackson but I liked almost every song of him but I really never read anything about him, I wasn’t into him, and now that he died I was watching a music special about him with his video clips and I realized how much I love his music and started to read about him and watch these videos on youtube and I can’t stop it and I am really mourning him, I don’t really understand why I am doing this but I really feel so sorry for him for his whole life, it is so sad and it should have gone completely different
You are not alone! This just described my life for the past 2 weeks, which includes a trip to LA from NYC to attend the memorial as the lucky recipient of a ticket from friends who have a suite at Staples Center. I’m feeling guilty for not remembering how much I loved the music as a kid until he passed. A writer from TV Week wrote about the memorial and said it perfectly, “It was as great a way as any to pay tribute to an entertainer we didn’t realize we loved so much until he was gone.” Thanks for your piece!
Thanks for this article it sums up how I feel. I’m constantly online to see if there are any updates and looking on youtube. I’m listening to his Invincible album and early hits from Jackson 5. I think this has touch many people because he was essential a great entertainer with a good heart!
Wow! Its what I have been doing since 26th June. I felt so hopeless I went out and bought whatever audio/video I could find and have been going through it over and over again. It is really sad. RIP Michael.
My sentiments exactly! I too am obsessed. I am so sad and feel cheated to not have known Michael personally. What a sweet, sweet soul. The world has lost a piece of hope and peace when we lost Michael on June 25th, 2009.
I feel the same way. I have listened to and re-listened to any MJ interview I can find on YouTube; from his interviews w/ GetMusic, Jesse Jackson, Steve Harvey, and Geraldo (Geraldo was a surprisingly decent and thoughtful interviewer) and his home movies, etc. He was such a sweet, kind, gentle soul, not to mention humble and really intelligent. For instance, during a Barbara Walters interview he simply said that it hurt him to be called “Wacko Jacko”, and you could really see and feel his hurt. Right then and there I felt he was too sincere and kind for this world. Also, the more interviews you watch/read of him you realize how normal he was! He loved God and God’s creation and sought artistic inspiration from a variety of sources. I really miss him. I’m only 21, so I wasn’t alive or aware of him during his peak, but I am just devastated that he’s gone. I hope he is happy in heaven.
-Also, I must say that I love the “unauthorized” 3 part MJ interview on youtube.
It’s a strange and interesting interview. There is a very unusual naivety and sentimentality about him, which I don’t think he ever lost, and he was totally up in the clouds, but he speaks with a remarkable lack of reserve or embarrassment about his feelings here. His lack of cynicism is also pretty striking, and you have to wonder how often it was taken advantage of in the course of his life.
Yeh I thought I was losing my mind! Im in the same boat too! I watched the Living with MJ special and then right after the take two version where you see Martin B for the ass that he is. So crazy. Has anyone been able to find the Oprah interview? I even changed my ringtones to MJ songs. I also check twitter and tmz all the time. lol glad to know Im not the only one lol add me on twitter those that twitter and we can share our info we find online
Maycupchic
Peace
M
OMG Missy I have been feeling the same way too…I thought it was a litle silly, but im glad im not alone. I wish I had gotten the chance to meet him. He seemed like such a cool person to know. I can’t think of any star that I would love to meet other than Michael. I would have loved to just sat down with him and ask him a million questions…. I hope his family did everthing they could to help him. A few articles said that they tried a few interventions, but in my opinion they did not try hard enough. Nothing would have stopped me from getting to my brother ,even if I gotta knock the walls down or get the police involved. I wish I could have helped him in some way. RIP Michael
I am feeling guilty to let him go like this. I should have known better how deeply Michael was hurt by media and ignorant selfish people. I totally understand if he was dependent on prescrip. meds. No one would ever survive this living in hell. He was TOO GOOD for us. We do not worth him. Rest in Peace, Michael Jackson. love you forever.
So glad to hear that others are like me! I’ve been watching MJ videos, bought 3 of his albums and special edition magazines. Think it’s been such a huge shock to everyone to have lost such a talented performer and beautiful soul. He will certainly be missed.