It’s happened to me, and I’m guessing it’s happened to you, too.
The other day, I was sitting on the sofa, remote control in hand, looking for…well, I don’t know what exactly. Just then, I caught the first five minutes of Into the Blue, the 2005 Jessica Alba/Paul Walker deep-sea treasure turd. Normally, I wouldn’t waste my time with a movie like this. Not when I have plenty of “respectable” movies on my coffee table that I haven’t gotten around to still sitting in their red Netflix envelopes (I’m ashamed to admit I’ve had Ingmar Bergman’s Scenes From a Marriage out for over a year).
But here’s the thing: I got sucked into the trash vortex. Suddenly, I was glued to the Caribbean intrigue as Walker and his shady pal played by Scott Caan discover a pirate ship loaded with booty on the bottom of the sea that just happens to be sitting next to a downed plane full of bricks of cocaine. Alba’s ever-changing assortment of bikinis didn’t lessen the magnetic pull of the matinee either. Not only did I watch Into the Blue to the end, I actually stuck around for another half hour when USA started played it again.
This happens more than I’d like to admit. Ishtar? Any time I catch that notorious box-office bomb on TV, I’m doomed for the next two hours (don’t laugh, the first half hour is hilarious). Joe Vs. The Volcano? In! Steven Segal’s Under Siege? That’s like Saturday afternoon catnip. Predator 2, TimeCop, Octopussy, Every Which Way But Loose, The Beastmaster, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier? None of them are what anyone would call a masterpiece, but just try turning looking away.
Now let’s hear from you: what bad movie sucks you in time after time?
Road House and Point Break – I’m a sucker for the vortex of awful acting that only Swayze and Keanu can provide.
I started watching P2 “starring” Rachel Nichols and Wes Bentley as a joke a while back, but I ended getting sucked in and actually enjoying it.
Also, not sure that it counts as a “bad” movie, but “Die Hard with a Vengeance” is certainly not a masterpiece. Whenever it’s on FX, I HAVE to at least watch until the part where Samuel L. Jackson’s says “Not all brothers know how to shoot a gun, you racist melonfarmer!” after the TV edit. If I see that the movie is on, and that I’ve missed this part, I actually get bummed for a second.
Luckily, I manage to learn my lesson after seeing a terrible movie once. But I’m not above admitting that I’ve seen Blonde Ambition, all the way through. I’m attracted to movies that are supposed to be terrible because I want to see how terrible they are. I’ve seen Glitter and From Justin To Kelly. But luckily, I’ve never seen them again
How dare you lump Joe vs. The Volcano into that group! Blasphemy!
The Wedding Date. I get suckered in every time.
Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter is Dead. “The dishes are done, man!”
Ever After & A Christmas Story — not good movies but ones I will watch anytime & from anywhere I join the movie
SCI Fi Channel original TV movies. Inevitably they always end up sucking, to varying degrees, but I still somehow end up watching them more often than I should.
Deep Blue Sea! I live for the part when Samuel L.Jackson gets eaten in the middle of his inspirational speech!
For some reason (Rufus Sewell) I have to watch “Extreme Ops” whenever it’s on…and it’s only ever on at 2:30 AM on Spike…because it’s just that bad.
“Ever After” is not considered a bad movie. They just play it too much on cable. “Robocop” is really bad, but I couldn’t look away. I also just watched “Can’t Hardly Wait” on TV, which is as dumb as its title.
I got sucked into “Crossroads” with Britney Spears one day. I guess I was curious to see if it was all that terrible. And it was…wow, what a stinker!
Under Siege was very well reviewed – even Siskel & Ebert gave it two thumbs up [and I don't think any other Segal flick got that response from them], so it really doesn’t belong on your list.
Howard the Duck always gets me – so do many of Uwe Boll’s movies [somehow, on the much smaller screen, they don't seem so awful. Why is that, exactly?].
Roadhouse with Patrick Swayze, and Escape from New York with Kurt Russell. I’m a total prisoner to this compelling trash, each and every time they’re on!
Thanks for writing such an easy-to-understnad article on this topic.
this hurts to saybut I’ve been sucked into watching “27 Dresses” more times than I would ever admit.