What does the name "Lacey Smithsonian" conjure for you? Maybe you’re a fan of Ellen Byerrum’s Crime of Fashion series? Or maybe you’re looking forward to the Lifetime movies based on those books this summer. But I don’t care how street smart this crime-solving fashion reporter is: All I can think about is my Pop Culture Pet Peeve. Ridiculous Names, you drive me crazy!* And not in the fun, we’ll-get-together-at-the-end-of-this-rom-com way. In the real way.
Historically, my least-favorite, OMG-no-one-is-named-that name might be "Serena Sutherlyn" on L&O, although "Arizona Robbins" on Grey’s Anatomy definitely earns a spot on my wall of shame. (I’m excluding soaps and shows like Gossip Girl that acknowledge, embrace, or otherwise use unusual nomenclature as part of the essence of the show.) CSI: Miami is an across-the-board offender — Horatio Caine, Alexx Woods, Calleigh Duquesne — unlike most cop shows, which tend to pass the "Does this sound real?" test. Next season, we’ll have to tolerate such names as "Auggie Kirkpatrick" (new Melrose Place) and "Chloe Payne" (on Mercy), both of which might as well be "[Nails on a chalkboard sound] Jones." Seriously, drag queens have more believable names.
What about you, PWers? Are there character names that make you batty?
*My obsession with character names hardly ends there: Why must characters named Sookie have unusual last names that start with S? Sookie St. James on Gilmore Girls, Sookie Sapperstein in Igby Goes Down, Sookie Stackhouse on True Blood…three is a trend, so QED.
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My Mother’s Maiden Name is Sutherland, so I can give a little peep into the last name… I’m going to be a Sutherland if I’m not married by 25, I think! (2 years left…)
This is a true story. A long time back in the Sutherland ancestry two brothers got in a huge argument, and one decided to change his name in order to seperate himself from the rest of his family… but changed it to a variation of Sutherland that sounded exactly the same. I think it was Sutherlin.
I’ve seen numerous variations since then and I laugh because I know we are all variations. I also know a Serena Sutherland. I don’t find that name uncommon for some reason.
I do, however, agree that Sookie S’s are quite odd. I think they need to have unusual last names to go with their plucky attitudes, or they won’t fit “Sookie” and all character attributes gleaned from such a quirky name will be completely lost.
That was probably a bit facetious, but my work shift is almost over.
I meant to say we are all related
Did I mention this was the end of my first day back from a 4-day weekend? That helps.
I also know someone in real life who is named Breezy Summer Day. Some parents are cruel.
I think Bruckheimer-produced films are pretty egregious offenders in this regard. My most hated fake name? Cameron Poe. (Of Con Air.) CAMERON POE IS NOT THE NAME OF A TOUGH GUY!! It’s just stupid.
Does Suzuki St. Pierre on Ugly Betty sort of fall into your Sookie category?
Well one of my pet peeves is when people don’t close their parentheses. So please fix that in your last paragraph.
I don’t think it qualifies as a “name no one would ever have”, but I still haven’t gotten over the ridiculousness of Chicago Hope naming a character Lisa Catera simply because Cadillac ran so many commercials during their show.
Our local television station has an anchor woman named — Lacey Steele — wouldn’t that make a lovely stripper/hooker name??
The books are fabulous. Can’t wait to see the Lifetime movies!
no awful pop culture name can top the name of a girl i knew in college: crystal lamp. that was her given name. her parents thought it would be funny…
in college, i knew a girl named Eve Aurora Radiana [Smith]. (i changed her last name, but it was a pretty normal one.) i always thought her parents must be either mean or just kinda strange.
Forget pop culture. In my old neighbourhood, there was a real estate agent whose name was–swear to God–Honey Angel. It was on all her signs.
I went to college with a girl named Miracle Fingers and a guy named Magic Prince. A few years later, we were talking about unusual names at work and I brought them up. It turned out that Miracle was a cousin to one of the ladies I work with. To top it off, Miracle and Magic got married. She is now Miracle Prince.
I went to college with a girl named Miracle Fingers and a guy named Magic Prince. A few years later, we were talking about unusual names at work and I brought them up. It turned out that Miracle was a cousin to one of the ladies I work with. To top it off, Miracle and Magic got married. She is now Miracle Prince.
Jethro Gibbs is pretty ridiculous. Jethro? Maybe the reason everyone only calls him Gibbs is because Jethro is such a ridiculous, hillbilly name. Can’t you pretty much insert any name from the HP series into this article? Sure, I know unique names was supposed to show how different the wizarding world was, but Nymphadora? Bellatrix? Cornelius Fudge? Slughorn? In fact, Harry Potter was about the only normal name in the series.
Crank-Chev Chelios! WTF?!? I never saw the movie so I’m sure that it’s low on the list of wtf elements but it was enough to derail me just seeing the trailer, “My name is Chev Chelios” no it’s not!
I went to high school with 2 sisters named Peaches and Princess. Those were their legal names. I also knew a girl who named her baby Daytona, because the child was conceived during a trip to Daytona Beach. But the worst real-life name I’ve ever heard has to be Anakin Skywalker. Can you imagine naming your kid for the guy who becomes Darth Vader?
There’s a chick lit murder mystery series whose main character is Paige Turner. She works at a magazine, I suppose being a librarian would be pushing it. I don’t think I finished the book.
Major Minor. And that was a real person not a fictional name, but I digress.
Maybe I’m just weird or maybe it’s just because I have a weird name, but I didn’t find any of the names you listed, with exception to Lacey Smithsonian, that odd. Well, Sookie is odd, but strangely (in “True Blood”) the only name that really bothers me is Bill. What kind of name is that for a vampire?
Derek, LOL!!!!
Thank you for writing this! This has annoyed me for years.
I especially hate this when authors of novels use these names…usually in some Oprah book club entry with a cover name like…”The Changing of Autumn”…and the main characters name is Autumn!!!
I went to high school with someone named Lando Calrissian Bonner. I couldn’t believe that was her real name.
Its Lando CLAIRISSIAN Bonner. Not, Calrissian. But thanks for putting me on blast lol
I’m sure Lando appreciates you putting her on blast like that!
I’ve met 2 girls w/ the names Gifti and Precious. awful names.
My least favorite ficticious name is Marshall Mann from “In Plain Sight” that was just stupid and lazy.
Oh and my mother-in-law thinks I should have named my daughter Denim Jean. Some people…
Just off the top of my head, I’ll nominate the Hawke brothers from Airwolf: Stringfellow and Saint John.
My mom used to have a classmate named Mary-Cris Mas. They always called her by her full name.
Chicagoans will vouch for me on this: The weather ladies on NBC and Fox are named Ginger Zee and Amy Freeze, respectively. WTF?
how about Hannah Storm? Or Stone Phillips?? Are those even they’re real names?
and what about Lafayette on True Blood? I’m from Lafayette, Louisiana and I have never heard of ANYONE named that. Not a first name, not a last name. They don’t even pronounce it the right way on the show!