May 20 2009 03:38 PM ET

'The Real Housewives of New Jersey': Danielle Eats Air Time for Breakfast

Every reality show worth its salt needs a good villain. Danielle is not necessarily that villain, despite her and the Bravo production team’s best efforts to persuade us otherwise. She’s more like a shameless hanger-on, willing to amp up her outrageousness if it means an extra scene per episode. Apparently later on in the season her nefarious drug ties to a South American drug cartel or a South Jersey stripping pole will be revealed, but for all I know she planted those rumors herself. During last night’s episode, she toddled after the endearing Jacqueline to bleat some words of discipline at Jacqueline’s daughter Ashley and instigated a very clingy hug fest with cockeyed Dina. Points for Dina, who is scary and has a hairless cat, for staying ramrod cool during Danielle’s hammy attempts to make up and become best friends forever. "I have to question the girl’s sanity," said Dina. "I don’t know if she wants to be me or skin me like last year’s Versace." I have no idea what that means but I’m going to use that line three times today, regardless of context.

Elsewhere, Teresa took her three Star Search contestants shopping, and I realized that nothing may irritate me as much as the sight of naughty children in public places carrying sparkly purses or wearing Scottish-plaid hats on their head. Teresa is hungry for her 7-year-old Gia to hop on the Miley Cyrus train to fame. Her daughter’s halfway there — she starred alongside Phillip Seymour Hoffman in Doubt!…Okay, she was just in a background shot, but still.

The sweetheart of the show is Jacqueline, who revealed last night that she’s suffered four miscarriages in a row. (Dina, who I admit I would want on my side during a fight, gave her a fertility bracelet.) Jacqueline is like a cross between Topanga from Boy Meets World and Hef’s Girl Next Door Bridget and she’s probably too soft and sweet for this bunch. But listening to Jacqueline murmur sadly about how she tends to show really early in a pregnancy and gets her maternity tops out of storage, only to have to pack them back up again, felt like the first truly moving, unscripted moment of the season. Of course then Danielle had to ruin it by saying Jacqueline and her husband deserved to get pregnant. "Keep multiplying because they’re really pretty," she said. "We need more pretty babies." Oh gag me with a pretty baby.

What did all you reality watchers think? Is Danielle a dufus? Is Jacqueline a dear? Would you let Dina’s cat sleep in your bed for $20?

Comments (1-30) of 46 Add your comment

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  • acb

    the line that dina used was “i don’t know if she wants to skin me and wear me like last year’s versace”…she also made reference to being creeped out when using lotion – she is referencing “silence of the lambs” and jokingly suggesting that danielle is buffalo bill and would skin her and wear her…i cracked up when she said this – dina is too funny!

  • Valerie

    The show is a rip-off. They keep showing the same scenes from the last shows and never show the coming attractions. Dina’s cat is disgusting and the way she treated the hired boy assistant was not to ethical. Caroline has a really nice family but her husband looks alot like the iceman. (hired killer from N.J.)

  • Little Lady

    Does anyone else think that Teresa has a twohead instead of a forehead? It kinda looks like her hairline wants to swallow her face.

  • Diggity

    I like and fear Dina at the same time.
    Danielle is icky poo.
    I am terrified of Caroline.

  • Cyndi

    OMG Valerie! Caroline’s husband DOES look like the Iceman! Creepy!!

  • Denise

    Jacqueline is pregnant. The show finished taping before the pregnancy.

  • Pam

    Jacqueline may be endearing, but she is dumber than a brick! Danielle scares me with all of her plastic surgery. Has anyone else heard that the large families’ father was found dead in the trunk of his car and the murder was never solved?

  • Theresa I

    Love this show. Danielle is the Brittany of NJH and that is not a good thing she’s plastic all the way and a camera whore. Love Jacqueline and all the rest. Teresa’s use of cold cash in such large amounts make you wonder where the money comes from. Would not want to mess with either Caroline or Dina. Stay strong you two, I don’t want to see you give in to Danielle’s hunger for your power!

  • Too Much

    These gals are not “new” to the reality TV world. Happened by WE one Saturday afternoon and saw Dina and Caroline prepping for Dina’s wedding on one of those “it costs a bundle” shows – what’s that all about????

  • Ciao

    The one with the little forehead should put a bag over her head and the head of her spawn. And she needs bubbies. The one with the funky face should also get a bag. Way to go to leave your two kids upstairs while you go have sex with a stranger in a restaurant. What a skank. They must be proud.

  • Dead father

    Better to be dead in a trunk than to see my family stoop even lower in this crap. Fuggedaboutit.

  • Dinas PussyCar

    NEWS FLASH: Dina’s plot. Dina is a cougar. Duh. I could see it coming from a mile away. What crapola.

  • jenine

    I agree on on thing they do keep playing repeats on the 2 episodes I watched already AND they are showing no scenes for the following week whats up wit that!!! but love love love the show anyhow I just wanna see new scences thank you!!!!

  • Kirstin

    Real Housewife of New York- Bethenny Frankel- is now E! Online’s exclusive celebrity blogger.
    Every Wednesday read Bethenny’s thoughts on the Real Housewives of New Jersey episode from the night before!
    To see her hysterical posts go to E!’s Web site and click on Watch with Kristin…that’s where she posts. Enjoy!

  • Deb

    I grew up in New Jersey and these women are in no way indicative of a New Jersey housewife. When are they going to show real housewives with real problems, not rich, pampered, spoiled rich b*tches with maids and nannies and people to kiss their butts. I watched it once and almost got sick…my Mom was a NJ housewife adn she was the real deal. My friends Moms were NJ housewives and they were the real deals. These women are pathetic examples of how money corrupts. Take away their money, rich husbands, plastic surgery, fake boobs, big houses and put them in the middle of a real NJ suburb and watch them drown. Make them mop floors, wash dishes, change diapers, run kids to soccer and dance classes, make them room mothers for their kids schools…but stop showing them as representative of women in and from New Jersey as you embarass us so much we don’t want to admit we are from there.

  • rh

    Did anyone else realize that Dina’s wedding was featured on an episode of Platinum Weddings on WE?

  • Micah

    Dina & Caroline frighten me. I think Danielle is getting a bum rap. I’m sure we’ll come around to liking her before the season is over. Theresa is too funny. I don’t think she has any clue… As for Jacqueline, she totally anchors this whack group.
    So far these women are about the most crass, ludicrous, banal group shown yet. After Atlanta, that’s saying something!

  • Loser

    Do you really enjoy watching other people’s lives that much? Read a book this summer. And EW, how you not write recaps for 30 Rock but write it for this b***s***

  • eminem

    Reviewer paid less attention than I did, and I was online while watching. Wrong on 2 counts: the quote from Dina was “skin and wear me like last year’s Versace,” as acb pointed out, and it was the kid’s acting coach who was in the Doubt, not the kid herself. If you get paid to review a show, then at least WATCH it.

  • Carole

    Jackie and Danielle are interesting to watch since they have a real friendship.
    The sisters seem rather cold and being related to them seems like a life sentence. They are harsh and seem like they will gang up on someone in a heartbeat.
    Teresa is rather silly but likeable so far, I’ll reserve judgement for the flipping the table over scene!
    So far, Jackie and Danielle aren’t scarry, don’t know about Teresa yet and the sisters I would avoid like the plague.

  • Lisa

    Just a slight correction…Dina and her husband, Tommy, were on WE’s My Big Fat Fabulous Wedding, not Plantinum Weddings. It doesn’t matter, but I just wanted to say that…and also that Tommy seemed like a big jerk. Haven’t seen him yet this show.

  • eyebrow issues

    dont like or dislike danielle yet, but her eyebrows are so annoying! they dramatically go up in such an odd angle (cruella de ville ish) I hope she rethinks how she is drawing those in, cause she could almost be attractive if it wasnt for those awful eyebrows.

  • Nancy

    Jacqueline seems sweet – too sweet for this crowd. Dina is a nasty b****, who thinks she ALOT better looking than she really is. It looked like she was totally coming on to that poor assistant guy. And her sister, the redhead with the big tough attitude – enough already. I have grown children, so I hate to even say this – but sorry, your kids are losers. No offense, but get them off their behinds and work or something. Anyway, with all this mess – I’m still watching it. Dina will be the only deal breaker – hoping she won’t get much screen time. Yuk!!!

  • Deb

    What a bunch of skanks. That poor kid who ape forehead is trying to push into showbiz is so pug ugly, so are the rest of her girls and she prances them around so disturbingly. Italians are low class, territorial, evil people who will stab anyone in the back without a thought. Sociopathic. Not surprised the Father of the two ginny sisters ended up dead in the trunk of a car. Shady Sicilians. RUN!!!

  • NY Girl

    Oh, my dear, Teresa’s child is so unfortunate looking, and the kids in my sons second grade play have more talent!!! How pathetic and desperate. Who did that low life ape husband of hers pay off to get that kid in Doubt?? Seriously, not only CAN’T she act, the kid is HIDEOUSLY ugly..who would want to look at that. So not cute.

  • Brooke

    Dina is a scary character. Psycho. That kid who she hired as an “assistant” should sue her for sexual harassment. My goodness..so inappropriate and sleazy the way she dealt with him. Oh,and Dina, honey…he’s obviously GAY so you’re barking (roof roof doggy) up the wrong tree. Go sleep with the gardener..oh, I’m sure you already do. Lovely group of skanks, Bravo.

  • Charlotte NOT from Armpit NJ

    These chicks are all mob connected. Bravo, are you sure you want to get involved in this mess??? Look how that old mafia ginzo father of Dina and Carolines ended up. “LET ME TELL YOU SOMETIN ABOUT THISA FAMILY” Duh, your father was whacked, some “family”.. you losers. Where do you think that guido ape hubbie of Teresa’s is getting all of the cash???/

  • Scared

    “LET ME DELL YOU SOMETIN ABOUT DISA VIEWA”..I won’t be watching this trainwreck anymore.Be careful, bloggers…these are mobsters you’re dealing with.

  • lvnvrcd

    People PLEASE!!!! This is scripted reality and is supposed to be fun (there is very little “real” about any of the “real” housewives). If watching makes you this miserable, stop watching. I, for one, enjoy a good fake train wreck as much as the next person. Bring it on Bravo!!!!

  • jess

    Just because they are from New Jersey does not mean that they are in the mob — seriously now?

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