'Real Housewives of New York City' recap: Kell-amity Strikes

As expected, new Housewife Kelly is officially bat-s— cuckoo. She is not going to let Bethenny get away with that rude attack at the adorable arthritis charity meeting. Nobody calls her Madonna and gets away with it. She doesn’t care if Bethenny was raised in the woods, y’all. Respect must be paid. In the front row of the Badgley Mischka fashion show, she explained to Ramona, who was in 11-inch heels, in order keep up with her leggy new friend, how Bethenny was way out of line. Ramona wondered if perhaps our angular chef was simply jealous of Gilles’ ex. "We live in totally separate worlds!" scoffed Kelly. "That’d be like me being jealous of you. Why would I be jealous of you?" Poor Ramona’s face twitched desperately, as viewers at home imagined her mind scurrying to find reasons. My shapely glutes? My cross necklace is bigger than yours? My husband drives a Porsche?

Kelly decides that a Bethenny time-out was in order. Of course then she undercut her position of moral righteousness by showing up 30 minutes late in ridiculous Pepto pink rain boots.

After the jump: More recap, including my favorite line of the night.

 

"I’ve been waiting for half an hour," said Bethenny. "Really?"murmured Kelly. "That’s too bad." The only thing worse than making aMadonna crack, is apparently calling Kelly out on her tardiness. So shedove right in and started accusing Bethenny of acting like a child. "Iwill not indulge you in this! The difference between you and me iswhile you’re busy talking, I’m busy doing things." (Like not working onher non-charities, or giving her boyfriend a shiner, or grooming thelife-sized white horse in her living room. She has a life!) To hercredit, Bethenny stayed steel cool, narrowing her eyes mobster-style,and stuck to slipping in artful digs. When she reached for her piece(her Blackberry), Kelly stormed off. "Basically, she was a calamity,"said Bethenny. "And I mean, a Kell-amity." Kelly struck again by thecoat check, screaming at a stoic Bethenny to CHILL OUT! CHILL OUT! Thenshe started giggling maniacally and announced to the cameras that shewas late for a date. "Yeah, with your imaginary boyfriend," Bethennyshot back. Oh Bethenny, I do love you. (Though truth be told, said dateturned out to be a very fine Italian gent named Max Max, who rightlyaccused Kelly of wearing Pink Panther boots.)

The only good thing I can say about Kelly is that she brings out themost reasonable side in LuAnn. News broke yesterday that the Countessand her elusive Count are on the skids. (Not a surprise to any Real Housewiveswatcher who has noted the Count’s multiple business trips abroad. Whydo I picture a roomful of Bravo executives in chunky glasses coming upwith the idea for Real Mistresses of Monaco as we speak?) Sogood for the Countess (better work that title for all you can, girl)for rocking a hot purple dress at the Page Six party. In the limou, sheskeptically listened to a spluttering Kelly catalogue Bethenny’smultiple failings as a well-mannered human being. You showed up 30minutes late to a meeting you called? LuAnn grimaced. You left her atthe table? Kelly blathered on the entire ride, insisting that Bethenny"MAKES NO IMPACT IN MY LIFE WHATSOEVER."

At the party, a red-faced Mario badgered Jill about their sillytennis match. He accused Jill of ruining the fun of the game and livinga shallow life that revolved around shopping and dinner and vacations."I’m going to punch you out!" she threatened, before summoning hermystified limo driver Wayne to dispose of her nemesis. (Is it just me,or should Jill have been cast as another of Tony’s sisters on the Sopranos?)As their argument escalated, and Mario accused Jill of thinking theworld revolved around her, Bobby kept whispering sweetly in his wife’sear. "You need help, baby?…I’ll take you to the Greek Isles onvacation, baby." Bobby Zarin for the EW Must List!

Elsewhere at the party, Brad preened in what appeared to be Thaibutler uniform. Ramona made sure that Kelly knew that she was MissFashion, what with having gone to FIT and working at the FrenchConnection in a past life. ("I mean, helloooo!") And Simon andAlex pleaded ignorance of knowing when nudie pics of Alex were going to"leak." As Ramona and Mario accused the polarizing couple of failing toalert them of the approaching scandal, Simon hit a breaking point."What were we supposed to do? Say ‘Hear ye! Hear ye! There are toplessphotos of Alex in In Touch magazine next week!’"

Lest, I leave you with that sad image, I’ll finish with my favoriteline of the night. Brad is almost done with the renovations of Jill’sapartment. (Be scared. A bad junk store is in all of our futures.) Asthey tried to figure out what to do with a bunk flat-screen TV, Jillstarted sweating and fanning herself. "I need windows open, I’m dyingin here!" Someone get this adorable woman a Diet Coke and a pamphlet onhot flashes.

What say you PopWatchers? Kelly or Ramona on a desert island? IsMario’s tan natural? Is anyone out there on Team Kelly? (Crickets…)Is anyone out there surprised about the Royal split? (Crickets…)

Comments (342 total) Add your comment
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  • tg

    The thing between Bethenny and Kelly was priceless. I think Kelly might have a personality disorder. I couldn’t believe how she distorted reality when retelling her side of the story to Luann, Ramona and Max Max. She just has no self-awareness at all. Bethenny may have been a little snide. But Kelly has no empathy. Arthritis isn’t cute. And when you show up late you immediately apologize. She’s not exactly in a position to be judging other people’s manners.

  • Jo

    Kelly scares me. She needs to go….now! I find it amusing that when the housewivesget into confrontations with their ‘friends’ that they say stuff like…’she’s not worth my time’, ‘I’m not giving her another thought’, or ‘it’s so over’. Then the do nothing else but talk and obsess about the incident!

  • meg

    That confrontation was literally the craziest thing I’ve ever seen. I agree, Kelly has serious and probably diagnosable issues.

  • green

    Ever saw this one on ___ WealthyRomances com ___
    It ‘s where you have the opportunity dreaming about dating a millionaire and make it true!

  • Lou

    Kelly is a whack job. Pure, unadulterated loony tunes. Bethenny is crazy, too, but the difference is, she knows it, and she owns it. Kelly’s got issues, and she’s good cuckoo TV — though I would much rather have a drink and some good dish with Bethenny any day of the week. She’s a hoot.

  • 2Cents

    I loved last nite episode and we have re-enacting it all day at work. We are not friends,Ok. I am here (hand gesture)and you are here (hand gesture).
    PS, I loovvve Bobby!

  • Cathy

    Bethenny,
    I posted my comments on the site that was about LuAnn. Sorry. Anyway, like I said, Love Bethenny, Kelly is an afterthought. Who is she anyway? Some kind of washed up model? She looks at least 10 years older than most of the other women. (Stop tanning, dummy)She tried to get over on Bethenny and tried the same crap on Ramona, but since she thinks Ramona will be on her side, she tried to clean it up quick when Ramona called her on it. She is a wannabe and needs to quit trying to fit in and cause trouble between the girls. If what Bethenny thinks or says about her doesn’t bother her why is she still talking about it? And when she was telling LuAnn what happened why didn’t she tell her that she said I’m up here, you’re down here. Didn’t want the Countess to call her on how low she really is did she? And people need to quit ragging on LuAnn. She married royalty, she flaunts it so what? Sounds like someone (or a lot of people)is/are a little jealous….

  • Kelly

    Kelly is RIDICULOUS! Bethenny can be a bit dramatic, but Kelly seems to have some serious mental problems (see also: punching her boyfriend in the eye). My favorite line: “I don’t do anything you ask me to do” – Bethenny, to Kelly

  • Mel

    Love these recaps they let me indulge in my obsession of HW of NY. Also I would die for some of Bethenny’s calmness during Kelly’s attack. I’ve never seen anyone so stoic while a clearly derranged women was going off on her.

  • Ty

    Best episode yet…Kelly is crazy…I loved how she just couldn’t keep it together all the while betthenny stayed cool…I find that to be the most effective argument style. When you keep it cool the other person just goes nuts. You should read bethenny’s blogs on bravo she’s awesome. As for Simon and Alex they’re kinda growing on me. They’re a little strange for my taste but so what about the nudie pics Simon made a great point Ramona definitely wears the tiniest skirts and is friends/smoochy with a former playboy model

  • Mary

    The confrontation between Bethenny and Kelly was hilarious (especially when Kelly popped out at from behind the door) but I would still rather have Jill and Bethenny being hilarious together.
    p.s. Why wasn’t there a scene with Bethenny venting to Jill?!

  • Cyndy

    Was it just me or did anyone else think Kelly was high? Plus someone should tell her getting peels all the time doesn’t counteract all the sun damage. Her skin is gonna melt off her face.

    • mles

      TOTALLY! The girl on the bachelorette trip was just high, high, high at every meal. What else explains her paranoia, her candy fixation and the erratic behavior?

      • mles

        And her apparent attempt to expose Bethenny as a ‘fake chef’ etc….is only serving to expose Kelly’s neurosis.

  • Tracie Clay

    I really think that Kelly has a problem. I was really proud of the way Bethenny handle herself. Kelly called herself telling Bethenny off but she made herself look like a nut. If you really did not care what Bethneey thought about you then you would not have been going around to everyone and telling them what you said and did to Bethneey. That’s all you talked about the whole show get over yourself Bethneey is the bomb.

  • confidential

    Cyndy… I was thinking the exact same thing.. seem like someone got a coke high and went totally off!!

  • Danielle

    Kelly is a scary predator monster. She also seems to have a thing for sleazy, young eurotrash gigolos. She is a demented human being…completely bi polar and out of control. I love how Bethenny handled Kelly and her dementia. By the way, the pink plastic boots were by far the most ridiculous things that Kelly has worn so far. And who the hello is taking care of her kids while she’s out stalking Bethenny or hooking up with eurotrash???What a pig.

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