You’d think with both Kanye West and Kelly Clarkson (pictured) performing at last night’s American Idol results show, the behind-the-scenes action would at least be marginally less enervating than the completely predictable voting outcome, the most cringe-y group performance in Idol history, and the anti-climactic announcement of the new rule that will change the face of the show forever in the way that it very well may never been enacted at all. Not so much. While Kanye and Kelly did both get me grooving, I regret to inform you that there wasn’t much behind-the-scenery to chew on. But chew we must, and chew we shall, even if our jaws grow sore from all this metaphoric mastication.
After I raced over to CBS Television City in order to (barely) make the 4:45pm (PDT) pre-tape of Kanye West’s performance — it’s shocking, I know, but Kanye wasn’t performing live when he took to an Idol stage sans contestants and with a bunch of tweens standing behind the judges’ table — I was packed in with the rest of the audience outside the studio for another 20 minutes while the crew scrambled to finish setting up and checking the sound. (Seems those first-week wrinkles still haven’t all been smoothed out yet.) We were finally rushed into the Thunderdome, my seat about as far away from the stage and as safe from making it on camera as one could get, and as the CBS pages scrambled frantically to fill in the crowd, I tried to ignore the creepy pixelated eyes curiously blinking back at us on the Idol Thunder-screen. A production assistant instructed the Swaybots on the correct technique for clapping over one’s head, another PA corralled those aforementioned tweens onto the judges’ platform, Justin Guarini worked the room like a pro, and Ryan Seacrest took to one of the Idol Crow’s Nests to introduce Kanye West.
And that, dear readers, is when Cory the Warm-Up Comic, so missed during Tuesday night’s show, at last emerged into the Idol firmament like Gollum re-surfacing to lay claim to his ring. It was a quick entrance, just long enough for Cory/Gollum to instruct us to be really quiet when Ryan was talking and really excited when Kanye was performing, but it was enough to make me feel like the full dysfunctional Idol family was finally back home. My heart was now at peace. Then I bore horrified witness to the spectacle of Scott MacIntyre struggling to perform sub-Six Flags choreography with anything even remotely resembling dignity, and my heart was consumed whole by the rebirth of the snark demon who takes up residence on my shoulder during Idol season. He is called Smirkelstiltskin, and he has missed you all.
But I’m getting a little ahead of myself. I love "Heartless," and I’m a Kanye fan, but maybe he’s not the most dynamic live performer, since I was transfixed instead by the Lady Gaga-esque broke-down robotic dance spasms unleashed by Kanye’s female backup singer — you know, the one bedecked in polygon shoulder pads bigger than her head. You got just a taste of this woman’s delicious weirdness at home, believe me. Once Kanye was done, he had a quick conference with the Idol producers, most likely to determine if they wanted a second take. They didn’t, and Kanye was Audi 5000. The Swaybots were shoved to the side so the crew could strike the band’s equipment, and I took the opportunity to scope for celebs. To my honest surprise, I saw not a one, save the return of Phil Stacey and Chikezie, this time seated much closer to the stage alongside impending tour-mates Gina Glocksen and my one and only Melinda Doolittle.
With 15 minutes to go before we were live, Cory teased me by starting his warm-up routine not with his customary "Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww yeah make some noize," but by getting the Swaybots to sing along to the chorus of Ms. Clarkson’s seminal "Since U Been Gone." He’d barely dangled the hope of a fresh routine in front of me, though, before he was back to hauling women on stage to show off their best booty-shaking Beyonce dance and saying "don’t be skured" instead of "don’t be scared." Finally, it came time to introduce the judges, but when Cory gave Kara DioGuardi’s name the full NBA stadium intro treatment, the spotlight panned to an empty stage door, and I caught exec. producer Ken Warwick yelling presumably for the new judge to get her package-artist behind to the stage. The 13 contestants began lining up on the Idol Thunder-stairs, and all the judges worked their way in, all of them clothed in black. Make of that what you will.
The show began, the Top 13 lip-synced and two-stepped through a Jackson 5 medley so bad it didn’t even belong in a Christopher Guest movie, and Smirkelstiltskin perched himself on my collar-bone just in time to see the finalists move en masse to the couches and leave Scott MacIntyre behind, standing alone in the middle of the stage, presumably thanking his good fortune for never having to watch what he had just helped bring forth onto the world. (Sorry, that was Smirkel’s doing. He doesn’t mess around.) I’m not kidding, by the way; they really did leave Scott behind. And it wasn’t the last time, either. After Jasmine was kicked off and the show went to break, the Idols all swarmed her for a big group hug, and much like after the group massacre song, it was left to the inestimable Debbie the Stage Manager to escort Scott to where he needed to be. Where’s Scott’s seeing-eye stud when he needs him?
If you’re wondering, meanwhile, whether the judges truly deliberated over whether to save Jasmine and Jorge while they sang for their lives, most of them actually did: Paula, Kara and Randy talked during both performances, but Simon leaned as far away from them as he could. Randy finally did engage Simon in a brief exchange towards the end of Jorge’s "Never Can Say Goodbye (Until They Make You On Idol)," but otherwise the Brit gave off a decidedly I’m-so-over-this vibe, up out of his seat for the ad breaks before the show was even completely off the air.
Poor Jorge. Watching the Idols as they sat together on those benches was a bit like observing a high school cafeteria — you can glean rather quickly who’s in what social group, and who are the outsiders left holding their trays, desperate for a place to sit. It could have easily just been nerves, but after Jorge and Anoop were singled out for possible exile from the Idol San Simeon and the show went to the break, none of his fellow contestants talked to the Puerto Rican balladeer. Gokey, Kris, Giraud, Adam and Allison all traded jokes while Scott and Sarver, sitting on opposite sides of the group, tried to get a word in edgewise. Megan, Lil and Alexis, meanwhile, quickly flocked together to form the official Idol Mom Triumvirate as Alexis blew air-kisses to her daughter in the audience. Anoop first made a beeline for the bathroom, and then seemed to float gamely between the two groups. But Jorge just sat there, glumly, his fate already written clear across his face, as willfully disconnected from his fellow finalists as they were seemingly happy to let him stew.
Jorge could barely even muster the gumption to clap along to Kelly Clarkson’s bumpin’ "My Life Would Suck Without You" — clearly not an issue for Anoop, who quietly sang along to pretty much every single word. When Kelly was done and zipped off stage, Anoop even collapsed back on the couch in full swoon while Sarver and Allison mock-fanned him. I wonder if ‘Noop Dawg got the courage to ask for Kelly’s number.
Finally, the guillotine fell for Jorge, and as he watched his Idol journey on the Thunder-screen, the Idols made their way to him (this time Alexis taking Scott’s arm from the start) for the requisite goodbye group clutch. After the 19 Entertainment twinkle played over the speakers, Paula made a beeline for Jorge, took his face in her hands and then clasped him to her (Smirkel’s making me use this word) bosom. Kara, Randy and Simon followed, each taking their moment to wish Jorge well, then working their way over to Jasmine, who’d turned up again on stage after her banishment at the midpoint of the show. Anoop and Kris even shared a solid, both-arms-around-the-back hug. And as the Idols finally trickled off the stage, for the second night in a row the Swaybots made their feelings about Adam Lambert loud and clear when he bent down to shake their hands and their arms instead seized him en masse and began to envelop him whole. Don’t worry, he survived. For now.
So, PopWatchers, how are you feeling about the first results show on Idol’s big stage? When did you suspect Kanye was pre-taped? Do you think there was any significance to the judges’ all-black ensembles? And should there should be some sort of new judge rule that penalizes the Idols when they forget to help the visually-impaired contestant to his seat?
More on ‘American Idol’
Michael Slezak’s ‘American Idol’ recap: Two Birds, One Show
‘American Idol’: On the scene at the Top 13 performance night
‘American Idol’ recap: This Is Thriller Night!
Carrie Underwood’s ‘American Idol’ exit song: A vast improvement on ‘Celebrate Me Home’
‘American Idol’: Our Advice for the Top 13
‘American Idol’: Tracking the Top 13 Finalists with our Idol Tote Board
‘American Idol’: Q&As With the Top 13!
EW’s ‘Idol’ Headquarters
Comments (1-30) of 116 Add your comment
I was pretty sure Kanye was taped from the way Ryan said during the intro that we would see Kanye doing his thing and then we would see Kelly LIVE. By the way Kanye was really, really lousy.
My love for Anoop has grown exponentially due to his love of Kelly Clarkson.
i guess theyre not used to be with a visually impaired person but still…i kinda find it insensitive for them to keep on forgetting him
They Didn’t want a SECOND take from Kanye??
In Great Britain’s “The X Factor” (their version of “Idol”), the judges actually mentor the finalists. Simon knows, because he’s an X Factor judge. Singers are divided among the four judges, and each judge helps the singer pick a song – thus, no comments about “You’ve picked the wrong song.” “Idol” could do this — but I suspect the issue is whether Paula is up to the tack. (FYI – the X Factor winner was Alexandra Burke. Cheryl Cole, one of the judges of Girls Aloud, was her mentor. The finale had Beyonce singing with Burke, set up by Cole – check it out on YouTube – powerful!)
Kelly needs to hire a personal trainer!!!
Auto-tuning singer on a singing show…Why was Kanye even there?
http://americanidolexposed.wordpress.com/
I have missed Smirkelstilskin. And what a shame that no one’s helping Scott out. Ya know, just watching them interact on TV, I got the feeling that this group is not as close-knit as last year’s or the year before. They seem clique-y and not quite welcoming to each other. Maybe I’m way off though.
Personally, I’m fine with who was eliminated. Thought the way the new rule played out was horrible – for both the judges to have to dole it out and another body blow for the already devastated contestants.
Have the group sings always been lip synched?
I thought Kelly Clarkson didn’t want anything to do with ‘Idol’ any longer and that she was ashamed to be a part of this show?
I’m surprised she was there at all?
I bet they paid her alot?
Kanye and Kelly did a great job. Kelly looked like she added some pounds then tried desperately to cover it up with an ugly all-black ensemble. It didn’t work. Nope, nope, nope.
*
I love Anoop and I was shrieked when he was safe. Personally, I don’t think he was even in the Bottom 3. But that’s just me. As someone said somewhere in this blogsphere: Anoop is AI’s whipping boy this season. A shame.
Why was Kelly On “American Idol”?
She should have been on “The Biggest Loser!”
Sorry if I come off as a hater. This must be said.
Adam is in the wrong place. Watched some YouTube clips, and he is a fantastic singer, but NOT a rock star. He looks like a poser, and seeing his strengths outside of this competition proves it. The cliep from Ten Commandments is brilliant. On idol, his take on these songs has been over the top and ridiculous. I will seriously hate watching this show if he continues to get the approval of the judges the way he has. He belongs on Broadway, not on Idol. I can’t even believe Simon likes him.
Kanye has NEVER been good live. His performance was terrible… They should have scrapped it all together and did some more commercials…
I knew Kanye was pre-taped the minute Ryan was up in the eagle’s nest for the intro. He’s much better on my MP3 player. Kelly’s outfit did her zero favors cause there’s no way she’s as heavy as she looked last night. I hope someone fired whoever styled her. I’m happy Anoop is around another week. It could have been Megan or Jasmine for the other spot – really? Rockin’ Robin. She won’t make that mistake again. I am glad that the swaybots aren’t really front and center anymore. I can pretend they aren’t there.
I think Kelly looks great and has the most amazing attitude for a pop star. She’s an inspiration and nothing less. Anoop is my hero… a classy, talented, intelligent, and super attractive guy. I kinda wanna marry him…
The whole “Kelly doesn’t want to be apart of American Idol” is so old, like 2005 old. She was on the show in 2007 and did the Idol Experience thing with the other Idols this year. She always talks about how Idol got her to where she is at now and how she benefited from the experience. Her old management wanted her to move away from Idol.
Vivi & all: Kelly’s outfit is the Stevie Nicks outfit. She’s going semi-Gothic, which isn’t a bad thing. It worked for Nicks.
I love these reports.
As for Kanye – eh! He needs to stop. right.now. Experimental singing over.
I hated that Nunez went home over Anoop, who is very karaoke. Nunez had a nice tone to his voice.
yeah i did not like kelly’s outfit but her performance was good and so was kanye’s he always looks like he puts his all into it and i kinda knew that jasmine was going home it was kinda obvious
James Paul, the only loser here is you…especially if that’s the only thing you could come up with to write about regarding this article. Whether Kelly Clarkson has gained weight or not, shouldn’t matter to any fan of this show or it’s music. Why don’t you find another place to voice your criticism…perhaps, therapy?
Thought Kelly looked and sounded GREAT. She could gain 20 more pounds or 50 more and it wouldn’t make a bit of difference. Those making the catty comments – does it really make you feel better? Grow up…
Yes, it was insensitive of the Idols to leave Scott behind. But this is the first finale show, give them time to work it out. Many of them have probably never even been around someone blind, much less assisted.
I was wondering where seeing-eye stud was as well. I’m guessing the show put the kabosh on him assisting during the show? Though I would think he lives in the house.
No comment about Kanye. I can’t stand him so used my tivo for what it is intended for – to fastforward. However even my fastforward took a while to get past the glaring siloutte spotlight on Kanye before the song.
Yes, it was insensitive of the Idols to leave Scott behind. But this is the first finale show, give them time to work it out. Many of them have probably never even been around someone blind, much less assisted.
I was wondering where seeing-eye stud was as well. I’m guessing the show put the kabosh on him assisting during the show? Though I would think he lives in the house.
No comment about Kanye. I can’t stand him so used my tivo for what it is intended for – to fastforward. However even my fastforward took a while to get past the glaring siloutte spotlight on Kanye before the song.
To Mrs. Lou – Let me take a guess … Kelly’s nasty black outfit probably would be too small for you!!!
I thought that everyone was great
And that the judges made good decisions about not saving the others they were clearly not ready .Kelly has gained a lot of weight she needs to lay of the Starbucks for awhile. Kanye was very disappointing it was like watching a really long American idol BAD audition.
Marionette puppetry at it’s best;that’s what AI is all about this yr. While Jas
& Jorge sang one last time w/the false hope they might be saved,the TV audience saw the pretend discussion going on by the judges
…who they might/might not save….so
FAKE!! And the cheesy group 13 number was
atrocious. I’ll bet those young people
(w/the exception of Jas) were thinking: “What the h*** are we acting like the
Brady Bunch when the Brady kids put on
that musical of theirs?!!!? The Top 5
will be Matt/Kris/Alexis/Danny/Adam! I was
wonderin’ if the judges, when watching
their most famous AI winner(aka Kelly) perform her rockin’ best, thought: “Hmm…
isn’t Allison just a Kelly-Clarkson-wanna-
be?” Yep, you bet she is. At least she’ll
be in the Top 10 to go on the AI tour
this summer. But if the powers-that-be
AI producers make those poor/young/gifted talents do the cheesy “Brady Bunch” routine,
I think I’ll NOT buy a ticket…wish I’d be able to know ahead of time before I plop
down my $$$$.
I think Kelly is fantastic. She is a real woman of normal size…not some freaking bobblehead living on coffee & cigarettes – so don’t be haters. I’ve seen her live and she is AMAZING. She can sing any genre to perfection. I’d love to see some of you dorks sitting at the keyboard trashing her – you probably live on HoHos and Coke playing world of warcraft all day.
As for Kanye – I love his CDs but have never been impressed with him live. I’m satisfied with the 2 sent home. I still think Ricky Braddy was robbed tho…Great behind the scenes recap.
Why or why can’t they do something trippy, just a little tweaky, as a group(unless possibly individually) like the B 52’s “Love Shack”, Radiohead, Iron Lung or Creep, or Talking Heads. I just get so sick of the soaring scores of music on each show, that it rings in my head all the next day. I DONT LIKE IT.
63 year old Grannie
Who is this Kanye? Until last night i’d never heard of him. Is he a former contestant on the show?
are you kidding you probbly a fat man sitting behind a coumputer hugging twinkies and i never said kellys prefomance was bad