'Heathers,' the musical: It's gonna be so very

Well eff me gently with a chainsaw, PopWatchers — Heathers is coming to a stage near you! The 1988 Winona Ryder-Christian Slater cult classic, a sort of suburban-high-school Lord of the Flies with hair bows and Drano, is actually kind of amazingly ripe for the stage, don’t you think?

Kristen Bell supposedly participated in an early table read as Ryder’s Veronica, which could actually work, with a box of Clairol Natural Black — they’ve both got that neurotic-pretty-girl thing. But who should play Slater’s eyebrow-cocking sociopath, J.D.? Shannen Doherty’s ruthless Heather McNamara? [Ed. note: Obviously, Shannen Doherty --Annie] Martha Dumptruck? And which famous lines could you not live without? ("What’s your damage, Heather?"; "I love my dead gay son!") What scenes are most ripe for a song? Will they sell Corn Nuts at concessions? The mind reels! Lick it up, baby. Lick. It. Up.

Comments (21 total) Add your comment
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  • Laura

    Hmm – Heathers was definitely one of my favorite movies as a high schooler – I wonder how it holds up today especially in this school of rampent school violence – not as funny any more since this has actually happened…
    I would still LOVE a musical though since I love Heathers, Musicals and Kristin Bell? Yes!

  • Rachel

    F*** me gently with a chainsaw.

  • tanya

    Awesome!! I can’t WAIT to see this musical. However, Shannen Doherty’s character was Heather Duke, not Heather McNamara. ;)

  • Steve

    From now on, it’s keggers with kids!

  • Tommy

    I hope it doesn’t patronize bunny rabbits.

    • Patel

      TW15T3D32 on October 24, 2011 I have been doing this and it does work If aoynne would like a link to a legit site that does these offers Pm me.

  • Green Gummi Bear

    Hope they keep it at Westerberg High…

  • welshgirl

    as someone who loves theater, i die a little inside whenever these types of ideas are tossed around, because seriously, what happened to good theater?
    that said, i loved this movie.

  • Joelle

    Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?
    I don’t patronize bunny rabbits.
    I’ll have to send my S.A.T. scores to San Quentin instead of Stanford.

  • Lynny

    I use “brain tumor for breakfast” on a weekly basis and there could be a great funeral song sequence. This is one of the few movie to broadway moves that could really work (like Spamalot). I will have to make the trip from Texas!

  • JenC

    My teen angst bullsh*t has a body count!

  • Tolliver


  • TD

    “I love my dead gay son!” is aching to be made into a song and dance number. God that was funny.

  • JP

    “Transfer to Washington.
    Transfer to Jefferson.
    No one at Westerberg’s going to let you play their reindeer games.”

  • Janie

    Greetings and salutations!!

  • lem

    Did you eat a brain tumor for breakfast? Will definitely have to be a number.
    Great Pate but I gotta motor.
    Would a swordfight number be too risky?

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