This is not the blog post my editors asked for. In this space, you are supposed to be reading a Best and Worst of last night’s People’s Choice Awards, one of those snarky little fiestas where I run down all the highlights of the ceremony, crack some jokes, get worked up when Sugarland doesn’t win, whatever. But PopWatchers, I can’t do it this time.
I know what you’re thinking: "Yeah, it’s hard to make a list of ‘bests’ when there weren’t any." But even if I faked it by saluting Christina Applegate’s classy speech or the emotional fortitude it must take for Ellen DeGeneres to keep getting up there and smiling at the nice people who cheer for her when she dances her funny dance but refuse to give her the civil rights necessary to marry her "roommate," I would be doing you, the intelligent and savvy readers of EW.com, a disservice. Because the People’s Choice Awards, by any reasonable standard, are the worst kind of pandering, artificial hooey. And we, the alleged people, deserve better.
I intend no disrespect to the winners of the "awards," nor to enthusiastic hostess Queen Latifah (pictured), nor to the hardworking men and women who labored behind the scenes to produce these two hours of televised pap and circumstance. But with the exception of The Dark Knight — victorious in so many categories they had to shove them all into a montage at the end — do I think for a second that these "winners" are, indeed, the "people’s" choice? No. Let’s be honest: As the very clear post-show disclaimerexplained, a complex system of "E-Polls" and market research andextravagant math went into choosing the nominees you saw upon yourscreen. And that system led to a telecast in which praise was lavished on a crassly commercial cross-section of demographically advantageous properties starring celebrities who were willing to show up.
Even as mindless distraction, this awards show was a failure. Therewas no suspense; every category could be easily predicted byremembering who you’d already spotted in the audience. Would the"Favorite Rock Song" be "All Summer Long" by Kid Rock, or those othertwo thingies performed by people who were not currently located insidethe Shrine Auditorium? To quote "winner" Rock: What a surprise. ChrisBrown accepted his "Favorite Combined Forces" award (for "No Air" withJordin Sparks) "live via satellite" from Dublin, Ireland — where by mycalculations it would have been approximately 3:30 in the morning.Rascal Flatts were handed a statue immediately after completing theirunconvincing Rascal Flatts impersonation, and like 200 people rose asone from the good seats to collect the "Favorite TV Drama" award for House. Yes, tipping the winners off ahead of time has become pretty much de rigeurat this sort of thing, but when those "winners" stretch the limits ofplausibility or common sense, I start sawing at my wrists withTwizzlers.
Examples: We were told early in the broadcast that voting was stillopen in the "Favorite New TV Comedy/Drama" categories. And yet when thetime came, the casts of Gary Unmarried and The Mentalist –which, oh wow, just happen to air on the network we’re watching! — werein the house and ready to go. The cast members of the losing shows?Conspicuously absent. (Okay, there were 90210 people millingabout, but I’m willing to believe they, like Paris Hilton, have nothingbetter to do.) But wait, there’s more: Britney Spears losing to RobinWilliams for "Favorite Scene Stealing Guest Star" — in an Internet-based voting competition? Kate Hudson (movie to promote) andLatifah (host) going head-to-head for "Favorite Leading Lady"? The Secret Life of Bees winning "Favorite Movie Drama"?? People. Bees made $37 million at the box office. That is just slightly more money than Marley and Me made opening weekend.
So what now? How to contend against the kinds of dark forces thatwould put Jewel outside the Shrine for the express purpose ofpretending to randomly give out a CVS Pharmacy-sponsored makeover tosome woman, then cut to a pre-taped segment featuring said woman’smakeover? Or somehow cajole my beloved Chandra Wilson into shilling forDowny fabric softener? PopWatchers, aside from saying "don’t watch thedamn thing," I am at a loss. For I know I am powerless, that thePeople’s Choice Awards are bigger than me, or you, or even ChristianBale, whose aggressive gravitas had absolutely no effect on the woooooo!-ing hordes in the balcony, desperate just to hear themselves scream.
The only thing I can hope for is this: When people like Kid Rock andAdam Sandler take to the microphone and crow ever so humbly about howtheir work is not "for the critics," but "for the people," all of us willtake a second to remember that there is nothing wrong with a people who are also critical. Whether we use ourmouses, our remotes, our blogs, or our hard-earned cash, it is up to us to decide what kind of culture we want to live in. And while itmay be easy and indeed quite fun to stand in a metaphorical mosh pitand high-five every shiny famous person who comes down the pike, Ihappen to believe we as a people are capable of ever so much more.(Need proof? The Dark Knight.) To echo last night’s oft-repeated phrase, Yes we can demand excellence. Yes we canthink analytically, write articulately, and speak passionately aboutart and artists in our society. I go so far as to say it is ourresponsibility. We cannot let crap like this win.
Did you watch last night? Agree/disagree? And even if you skippedthe show, who or what would be your personal choice for the very bestpop culture has to offer?
More awards-season buzz:
Dave Karger’s Oscar Watch blog
Comments (1-30) of 535 Add your comment
i did watch last night, and i can honestly say whitney, not only do i agree with you 100%, but this is the best article you have ever written. not to discredit your other posts (i’m a big fan), but it was summed up so beautifully, i simply have nothing to add by my applause. bravo! that was more enjoyable than the three hour broadcast i watched last night (which, to be honestly, only took me an hour to watch because i tivoed through the whole thing).
THANK YOU FOR THE HEADLINE…ITS KINDA THE COMMENT I LEFT ON THE DARK KNIGHT POST!
“Um you knew who the winner was b4 they would announce it because only the winners of each cat. were in the audience. I thought it was stupid…but oh well!”
IT WAS PATHETIC I DIDNT EVEN FINISH IT AFTER RF SANG I TURNED IT OFF!!!
Whitney, this is spot on and brilliant!
I agree – I turned it off after Carrie Underwood sang, and did not miss it at all. It was trite, contrived and completely missed the mark as an awards show. It made me throw up a little when I saw my Hugh in the audience rolling his eyes and grinning at Latifah like a trained monkey. What’s the countdown to the Golden Globes?
Legally change your name to Butter, Ms. Pastorek. Because you have been on a blog-post roll for months now. I am infinitely impressed. Not one letter of this post is untrue. Way to single-handedly reestablish this blog’s credibility!
I was working on a post about the red carpet looks for my fashion blog, and I kept thinking that the winners didn’t even try on that end either. Needless to say, I’m abandoning the post. Great post, Whitney! http://fashionmefabulous.blogspot.com
I whole heartedly agree that this was a bunch of BS. How in God’s name did Heroes, which sucked beyond belief this season so far, beat out Supernatural who cannot seem to get the well deserved recognition?! WTF is that? I turned the damn thing off right after Heroes won. Never again am I watching that program.
Word on all Whitney. This was a terrible show and i actually feel bad for the stars who did show up. And come on, Katherine Heigl? Could you BE anymore unsincerely enthusiastic? You know as well as we do that 27 Dresses, while funny, was NOT the Funniest Movie of 2008.
It was really bad. I couldn’t watch more than 20 minutes…. I even felt embarrassed for some of the celebrities. Some of the acceptance speeches I saw were REALLY awkward (Jordin Sparks anyone?)
Im sorry but when a show like NCIS doesnt even have a nomination when its gets close to 20 million viewers each week it tells me this isnt “the peoples choice”…Kath and kim get a nomination with only 5 million who watch…Yet that is “the peoples choice” sorry but what a joke that was…
I agree wholeheartedly. I only watched bits of it but the Robin Williams over Britney Spears tipped me off that the voting was rigged. This is meant to reward the most popular but the most popular performers have better things to do so they go for whoever will show up.
I was heavily disappointed that Tropic Thunder wasn’t even in the category of Favorite Comedy. D: I was also let down by knowing that Robert Downey, Jr. didn’t win anything. Excuse me but, he was a funner more family friendly even superhero compared to Christian Bale’s sad portrayal of Batman. That award show just pissed me off to no end. Ugh.
The only thing I was happy about was: House and The Simpsons. That’s it, the rest can rot in hell for all I care.
Unless we’re talkin’ the Razzies, any show that gives Kate Hudson an award doesn’t deserve to be taken seriously.
peoples choice awards is a joke
I agree 100% – I am a total awards-show junkie, yet I refuse to watch the People’s Choice Awards, mainly for the reasons Aunt Whittlz outlined. (Of course, I will still go to gofugyourself.com for post-show fashion snark.)
As for my personal pop-culture choice? The people actually did get it right with The Dark Knight.
Hear Hear!
Finally! Somebody has the guts to pull the curtain back on this annual travesty. The audience is hand-picked, the only “celebrities” are those who have agreed to attend the ceremony if they get an award, the nominees are inexplicable (Bees???)and the show itself is an absolute snooze. I keep waiting for the media to acknowledge this, and it finally happened. I love award shows, and I was able to watch about 20 minutes of this one. Shame on everyone involved.
I have to agree – this is your best column. I happen to agree with you on this but that’s not my point right now. You clearly and authoritatively conveyed this message in a very convincing manner. So….good for you!
As for the awards themselves, even some of the presenters and “winners” acknowledged the lack of surprise (Ellen DeGeneres commenting on Adam Sandler’s “humbleness”, Wanda Sykes being psychic). The Proctor & Gamble product placement bothered me more than it should have. They own the show and have every right to stick their stuff where ever they wanted. I didn’t have to watch and eventually changed the channel after coming to my senses.
I do have a question – did Katie Holmes ever make it to the show? Not that I really care but her being stuck in traffic and not able to present her scheduled category seemed to be the only real bit of suspense.
I totally agree, Whitney. I sat through that travesty feeling bad for my beloved Hugh and Christan, who both looked uncomfortable.
Totally agree with you…yesterday I had a lot of homework and I stop doing it just to watch this and I was completely sad and angry…isn’t heros supposed to be dead..Why did it win?…Christian Bale was awesome and didnt win as best actor of any of his categories…And I did notice that all of the winners were there and the losers werent. I mean they think we’re stupid or something?? The worst awards ever!!
I am so glad you’ve started posting again, Whitney. You’re the only one who has the guts to say these kinds of things. This was brilliant, and the People’s Choice Awards should be ashamed.
I should have editors read my comments before posting. I was trying to say that I agree with the other posters here that I thought this is Whitney’s best column. And I also agree with the comments Whitney made in her column. Sigh…
Yes I agree I went last night,me and my party left early,horrible, Secret Life of Bees, Really?
Where was twilight. It would have won half the awards if nominated
This is an excellent article. I was watching this program with my girlfriend last night and it took me about four seconds to figure out that the winner in each category would be….whoever showed up. Eventually, my gf and I got overly annoyed and changed the channel (“Damages” was starting anyway.)
This thing is OBVIOUSLY rigged. I agree that the most obvious evidence of this would be to believe an Internet audience vote Robin Williams over Britney Spears in ANY category.
Still, after watching the show and reading the comments, I feel like people have it backwards. In my opinion, it’s not “You showed up, Here’s a trophy”, it’s “Psst, you won! So please show up to pick up your trophy or we’ll give it to the next nominee we’ll call who’s willing to show up.” Either way, this show is a FRAUD!
Here here, Whitney!
My friend and I played that game last night. And the noninees are (quick which one was in the audience?!) and then we started trying to time ourselves saying the winner with whoever was presenting.
We weren’t wrong once.
i dont watch the people’s choice award nor the the mtv movie awards or any other award show that “the people” vote- because honestly, people are stupid
Bravo, Whitney. The only thing worse than this show was the fact that I actually watched it. Shame on me.
I cannot believe I sat through that tragedy of a show just for The Dark Knight- only to find all their award wins were pushed until the end. I mean, these awards mean nothing but I just wanted to see my favorite cast/director. I never had bothered with People’s Choice Awards, nor had I realized- up until the very first second of the show , how utterly stupid it is. First off, it was basically just tv shows, second off, I hadn’t even heard of half of these movie nominess… 21? 27 Dresses(Ok so I heard of it, but didn’t watch even if my lovely James Marsden was in it)?? The Secret Life of What??? *sighs* Will Smith best movie star? I like Will, but his ‘08 movies sucked.