It’s a banner day, America! NBC has announced the cast for the second "sensational" (no, really) season of Celebrity Apprentice, which premieres Sunday, March 1 at 9 p.m., if you want to get the wife and kids out of the country ahead of time. Take a deep breath and get ready to lose your remaining respect for: Clint Black, Andrew Dice Clay, professional poker player Annie Duke, Tom Green, boobalicious LPGA golfer Natalie Gulbis, figure skater Scott Hamilton, noted motorcycle enthusiast Jesse James, professional suitcase holder Claudia Jordan, Khloe Kardashian, Brian McKnight, Joan Rivers and Melissa Rivers, Playboy bunny Brande Roderick, Dennis Rodman, Heisman Trophy winner and former Dallas Cowboys running back Herschel Walker, and Tionne "T-Boz" Watkins.
I swear to god I just about started crying.
But look — no one (with the possible exception of Dalton Ross) watches this show to see what enchanting business ideas this cast of overachievers will come up with as they battle it out for charity. The only reason to tune in each week is to see who gets fired, and why. To that end, and in the interest of public service, I’ve decided to cut out the middleman and look into my oft-hazy crystal ball to predict their departures from the 15-more-minutes-of-fame game. Some inevitable eliminations:
T-Boz: Wants to have it her way or nothing at all. Additionally, moves too fast
Tom Green: Poops on boardroom table
Scott Hamilton: Slashes Andrew Dice Clay with a skate after enduring one too many fairy jokes
Andrew Dice Clay: Severed artery
Brian McKnight: Inability to count higher than five deemed impractical in a business setting
Khloe Kardashian: Asked to leave once Trump realizes she’s not Kim
As for the rest…go for it, PopWatchers. The crystal ball is all yours.
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Just reading that list of names makes me want to take a shower.
Do people still even give a crap about Donald Trump’s existance?
I can’t wait! I loved this show more with the celebritys than with the regular people. Andrew Dice Clay, Tom Greene and Dennis Rodman will be a hoot to watch. Dennis is very intelligent so I think he will surprise everyone….not so sure about ADC and Greene. I am really looking forward to this season. I like the fact that all the money goes to the charities.
Does anyone really care that Tom Green is still trying to get on Tv? or Andrew Dice Clay he is a has been and Stopped being funny in the 80’s.
Why is Annie Duke joining the mix? I had always kind of liked her…till now!
I truly feel sorry for whoever has to watch this dreck on your staff in order to review it every week. Just the thought of Joan and Melissa Rivers is making my ears bleed without even having to listen to them.
They had me at Scott Hamilton, though he will surely be eliminated after doing a back flip even though it’s specifically against the rules of the task.
Hi Babs. This is my new moniker for at least this week. But sorry. I wouldn’t watch this show for anything:). And why is ANY Kardashian even considered a celebrity?
Wow. What a craptacular line-up. The person for whom I feel most sympathetic is Donald’s daughter, Ivanka, who seems to be more intelligent than this show deserves.
Scott Hamilton will be third to go because he’ll be too nice. (He’ll get that far because he’s nice. But no farther because he’s nice. Ain’t it grand to be nice?)
Clint Black and Scott Hamilton? Oh, I would watch just for them, if it weren’t for the fact that the Rivers women are on the show.
Oh, wait, I lied–I’m not interested in the show no matter who’s on it, because I can’t stand watching Donald’s hair, or the way he talks.
(MK–bwahaha!)
Brian McKnight counting to five…classic.
Nice list, Whittlz. I’ll add Dennis Rodman: fired after spontaneously wrapping The Donald in sparkly feather boa.
Whitney…you are on a roll now…always enjoyed your bits, but today you’ve not only nailed the People’s Choice, but your Brian McKnight counting bit was Hi-larious!
Can’t wait. I loved the ’80s.
T-Boz is chasing waterfalls if she thinks she has a chance of winning. Maybe she’ll get an opportunity to duet w/ McKnight with all proceeds going to a charity of their choice? Any suggestions for a duet? “Islands In The Stream”? “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers?”
T-Boz is chasing waterfalls if she thinks she’s going to win. Maybe she could hook up w/ McKnight for a duet with all proceeds going to a charity of their choice? Any suggestions? Islands In The Stream? Holding Out For A Hero? You Don’t Bring Me Flowers?
Melissa or Joan Rivers (or possibly both, I’m not certain) makes it to the end. She let is slip on the Howard Stern show a couple of months ago. As bad as they are, at least they have actually had some sort of career (well, at least Joan has). What the hell has ANY Kardashian ever done to warrant being on TV?
Whittlz… Now, I’m going to have “Waterfalls” stuck in my head for hours.
OMG this cast is GREAT! amazing! i love JOAN AND MELISSA RIVERS! I LOVE T-BOZ (TLC IS MY FAVORITE GROUP EVER!) I LOVE SCOTT HAMILTON! I LOVE LOVE this cast!
T-Boz FTW
I’ll watch for Joan Rivers.
I like the cast. This will be the first year I watch.
matthew c, you are either kidding, or you are gay.
Can’t he be kidding and gay? Why do you have to drop a ‘g’ bomb like that? Have some respect.
Whittlz – you drew the short straw AGAIN?
no, wait. i get it. sorry, sleep deprived.
Clint Black: refuses to lose his hat at hazmat challenge cleaning new Real World house
Natalie Gulbis: smacks Clay w/a 9 iron
Jesse James: gets fed up and makes his escape on a bike he builds from office furniture
Brande Roderick: gets lost in elevator bank in ep. no. 1 Dennis Rodman & Herschel Walker – leave on own accord after getting a better offer on Pros vs. Joes.
Worst cast ever. The one possible bright spot might be if Jesse James calls on his wife Sandra Bullock for some cameo appearances. Otherwise, this makes shows like Celebrity Rehab look like they have A-list celebs by comparison.
Who still watches this show?
NBC… why must you waste a time slot with a show even the critics don’t want to watch?
Diceman lost half of his hair and was funny in the eighties. Tom Green is still trying to get on television??
T-Boz versus McKnight, hands down. Still the original version of The Apprentice was better. This is nothing but Dancing with the Stars in power suits.