Jeff Probst blogs 'Survivor: Gabon' (episode 13)

Survivorgabon_l_2Well, as the year comes to a close, it’s time to start looking at award-worthy performances. Here’s my vote for Best Performance by a Duo in a Reality Competition Series About Adventure That Takes Place in Exotic Locations and is Hosted by a Dashing Fella With a Keen Way About Him.

Bob: (clearly distressed over lying to Kenny) If I win the next immunity I’ll give it to you.

Kenny: (Long Pause) Okay.

And…scene.

I don’t know who should win the acting award, but both Bob and Kenny gave stellar performances. I don’t believe Bob was sorry for one second. He is playing the game. Just like Kenny. On the other hand, Kenny’s sad "poor me" performance was so understated, so restrained that it almost warrants a spot at the final tribal council.

Bob was never going to give him the necklace, but damn, I do appreciate Kenny’s bravado. Plead for the necklace while you’re planning Bob’s blindside. Awesome. Kenny is setting himself up for a major ass whuppin’…or a million dollars. I love this kid. Love him.

I miss Crystal already. I really do. She’s fun to pick on, and she always, and I mean always, had something to say at tribal council. The woman was gold. Not bronze. Not silver. Gold. As in gold medalist.

Favorite moment of the episode: Crystal trying so hard to prove her physical prowess that at the end of the reward challenge she actually attempted to dunk a ball on a four foot goal…that she towered over…and still missed.

Second favorite moment: Watching Crystal try to make her way through the immunity challenge. We couldn’t include every moment she went off the course, otherwise the challenge would still be going. To her credit, Crystal has always had a sense of humor about her lack of ability in challenges. Doesn’t change the fact that she sucked. She did.

Side note: When Bob was choosing two people to join him on reward, I said, "Two’s fun, three’s a party." It was an innocent comment. My friend, Serena, felt there was a sexual connotation to the comment. I was appalled. Those kind of dirty and inappropriate thoughts simply do not occur to me. When I am hosting, I am focused. Laser beam precision. Tunnel vision. The thought that somehow I had a Freudian slip that would reveal the truth of what I’m really thinking about out there is simply silly. Now, had it been my other friend, Alexis, who said it, it might have some validity; she’s a bit of a psych job, so in an odd way her thinking often makes sense. Yes, I know I Just mentioned two women in the same sentence. Doesn’t mean anything. Okay, moving onto the next position, sorry I mean topic.

Sugar is a factor in this game. The sweet little pin-up model is very close to crying her way into the final. Who would ever think she would still be here this long? Not me. Never. How does it happen season after season? She wasn’t even picked when they ranked their tribes. She wasn’t picked! Then again, Bob was picked very late, so maybe all it means is that Marcus isn’t as brilliant as he claims!! Ah-ha!!

Okay, fine. Another gross exaggeration on my part. Marcus actually had the highest IQ of everyone this season. If you want to know who had the second highest IQ, watch the reunion show. I think you will be surprised.

No, I’ve never taken the IQ test we give them. Because ignorance is bliss. No, I don’t feel the need. Just back off. What? Why? That’s crazy, I don’t have anything to prove. I get paid whether I’m smart or not. Stop it. Go. Would you just go. I have to finish my blog.

Sorry about that. My inner voice – drives me nuts sometimes.

So, as we head into the finale, we are down to five: Sugar, Susie, Kenny, Matty, and Bob.

Sugar is in an excellent spot to make it to the final vote. I’ll give her credit. She has done a very good job of staying in this game and staying out of the way. She’s survived a record number of days on Exile, she handled the power of the immunity idol beautifully, and she has earned her right to be in the final five. She could easily make it to the final vote.

Susie is a question mark for me. She’s riding coattails a bit, for sure, but she has done a good job of offering up her vote to the right people at the right time, and that has kept her out of the line of fire. Don’t be surprised if she makes it to the final because everyone thinks they can beat her at the vote.

Matty is a favorite. Has been from day one. I’m so happy he’s still in the game. I just like how he wears his heart on his sleeve. Can he win? Yes. Can he make it to the end? Very difficult. He’s an obvious target.

Bob is another favorite of mine. Again, from day one. I like his straight-ahead approach, and I have a huge soft spot for Maine. Can he win? Yes. Can he get to the end? It’s gonna be tough. He will probably have to win his way there through immunity challenges, otherwise I think they’ll take him out. He has too many former tribemates on the jury.

Kenny – I cannot believe Kenny is still in this game. I would have lost my house betting against him making it this far. He has an uphill battle if he’s going to win because he has made a ton of enemies. But if he gets to the final with the right person or people, it could happen. Kenny could win this game.

I’ll say it right now. All things considered, I’m happy with this final five. There are three people I would be happy to see win and two people that if they win, I’ll pretend I’m happy and quickly begin promoting next season.

Remember, the big finale is this Sunday. A two-hour finale followed by the live reunion show where all these knuckleheads will be back together, and you can see who looks good and who looked better on the island.

Now to prove to you that I read your comments, I will answer a few questions:

Where did Bob get the beads to make the immunity necklace…? You can bet I’ll be asking him that at the reunion show.

Why did I throw Bob’s fake immunity idol in the fire? Because that is what you do when someone plays a fake immunity idol! What, are you new? I totally understand that it was a work of art, and yes, it pained me to do it, but…is this an art exhibit or Survivor? Get over it. He can make another one. And if you want to see what’s left of it, tune into the reunion show. Maybe I fished it out of the fire for him…or maybe I’ll be wearing it around my neck…or maybe I’ll just give it to Serena and call it a day.

Regarding loved ones – there is clearly no right or wrong answer. Those of you who hate the loved ones episodes have miserable lives. Those of us who cry and enjoy the loved ones episodes for their outpouring of emotion are beautiful, loving, wonderful human beings without whom the world would be a dark and dreary place. Welcome to the light, Dalton Ross.

To Dr. Zenith – thanks for the casting ideas, but I have to comment on the assertions that you and especially David Ellen (David, you made the blog!) continue to make: that we manipulate the game so that our favorites can win. Is the medication you’re currently taking prescribed or do you buy it on the streets? If we could dictate who would win each season, then the following people never would have won: Tina in Australia, Vecepia in Marquesas, that soft-core porno dude in Thailand, Jenna in the Amazon, Sandra in Pearl Islands, Amber in All-Stars, Earl in Fiji, and Parvati in Fans vs Favorites! All of those just listed people definitely deserved to win because they played the best game, but that doesn’t mean they would have been our first choice to win. We would have picked more "colorful" winners. Plain and simple. I’m kind of stumped that people still believe this stuff.

Oh, for the record, they don’t have toilets or toilet paper, showers or soap, or make-up, or beds, or secret food stashes, or anything else that would make it more tolerable. The game is real. The game is hard.

To "JeffProbstRocks" – you can come over and watch Survivor at my house. Don’t hate those poker chip-throwing friends of yours; envy is difficult, try to understand. That’s what I do.

Once and for all – the final three vs final two debate. It’s a matter of choice. Personally I believe that when you have three people in the final you have a better opportunity for a good winner because you cannot simply win the final immunity challenge and then take the least liked person with you to the final vote. For instance, had we planned a final three in Fans vs Favorites, Cirie would have won and everybody would have been happy. But we had a final two planned. So, David Ellen, if we were master manipulators, why not make it a final three and let Cirie win? Enough already. That’s just my opinion. For crying out loud, get over it.

And for those of you who don’t like us switching up the tribes because it screws you up in your Survivor pool, how about this…no switches next season. Straight Survivor. Is that what you want? Two tribes. No switch. One merge. Final 2. Okay, fine. Done. I’ll call CBS and tell them I’ve made a decision. Just don’t blame me when the dude from ‘N Sync is hosting next season.

See ya Sunday at the live show!

Now check out our exclusive deleted scene from Survivor: Gabon and then read Dalton’s recap.


Comments (355 total) Add your comment
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  • Pink Bubble Gum

    JEFF PROBST you crack me upp mann
    u are creative and original and your blogs ar hilarity in a nutshell…or was it eggshel WATEVER anyway
    u r the PERFECT host for survivor
    ROCK ON DUDE!
    bob is awesomenesss!

  • mike

    can’t wait for the finale

  • kammrud

    Perfect episode! Cystal is gone! I haven’t shouted YES this much since my honeyoon 10 years ago!

  • Mel

    Wow this was a long one. Can I just say I live these blogs and especially Jeff’s conversationl writing style. Please do these again next season!

  • Jordt

    Thank you Jeff. All those one season complainers whining about this or that… Survivor is Survivor and sometimes considered my religion. Leave my lords, bishops or elephants with eight arms alone… let them be santioned! Jeff really enjoyed all your responses to the people who don’t understand the greatness of the twists, if we want a twistless show we’d watch The Bachelor. LOVE SURVIVOR

  • Jordt

    Thank you Jeff. All those one season complainers whining about this or that… Survivor is Survivor and sometimes considered my religion. Leave my lords, bishops or elephants with eight arms alone… let them be santioned! Jeff really enjoyed all your responses to the people who don’t understand the greatness of the twists, if we want a twistless show we’d watch The Bachelor. LOVE SURVIVOR

  • Lars

    Jeff, I’m telling ya, it would a ratings goldmine if you never had a merge. EVER. One tribe gets to two or three – mix it up. Never merge. That would screw up all of this “alliance since day one” business. No personal immunity. Team work to the end. That would take some skill.
    I loved this season. LOVED it. I was starting to doubt highly the ability of this show to stay fresh, but I was proved wrong this season. Keep it up. I would hate to have to watch something else on Thursday nights.

    • whistlefinder

      I believe in Marquesas or maybe Thailand they never merged for the whole season, and believe me it was a failed experiment because they never did it again. It was very boring.

  • Nate

    Jeff, you are wise…and I agree with your commments and logic as usual. I would ask that you find out what Crystal has a gold medal in during the reunion show…because she has done nothing that has been gold medal worthy this entire season…except maybe “Best Fight Starter in a Supporting Role.”
    Other awards to be given; Kenny would win “Most Conceited Player,” Susie would win “Most Invisible Player to Win Survivor”(yah, i just called that one…), Sugar would win “Most Emotional For No Logical Reason,” and Bob would win “Most Adored Player, Not Including Rupert.”
    I have a question though, do you write these comments after you film on location, or do you wait until after the episode airs many months later…
    Keep up the good work!

  • Carli

    This may be my favorite Probst blog yet! You actually had me laughing out loud here on my couch.
    Crystal trying to slam dunk that ball is probably my favorite moment of the season. Hilarious.

  • lovesurvivor

    Funniest blog post yet, Jeff. I can’t wait for the finale. I have no idea how Susie is still there. I’m pulling for Sugar, and here’s why…she’s been the spoiler to every alliance. She has screwed up everyone else’s game play. And that’s tough! I think she’s the one with the second-highest IQ. And she’s STILL able to bounce back and forth to whatever alliance now has the power and be welcomed with open arms. She has the entire time. Kenny made some great moves, and Matty seems like such a nice guy. Bob will definitely made the finale interesting, though…I don’t know who will win, and no alliance is tight, so it should be a great show Sunday!

  • AskMitch

    Enjoy your blogging, Jeff. Interesting insight on which Survivor winners wouldn’t have been your ideal choices. I love hearing about who you are and are not fond of. Still want to hear more about your issues with Greg from season one though! Any chance you’ll spill some of those details?

  • mr.moroder

    sucks for crystal. she was brazen and it makes for good tv. i was waiting for the kenny/crystal finale…those two pulled off the best s*it this season. go kenny! i really hope that neither sugar/susie win. being an emotional retard and doing nothing make you lame-o survivor contestants. and i despise the whole good v. evil thing that usually creeps in near the end. its such an amateur stance and ridiculous to even mention when you just spent almost 39 days playing a game, in africa, for a television show to win a million dollars. if sugar wins, her “good-ness” better donate that million to some charities in africa. or buy a lot more fruit for those gorillas.

  • DanOregon

    Jeff,
    How does it feel to have received multiple nominations for worst 2008 pop culture moment for the Emmys hosting gig by EW readers?
    I think you make Survivor the show it is myself – and will we find out what the deal is with Randy’s mohawk on Sunday? And does anyone really like each other this season? They all seem to hate each other to some extent.

  • Ivy

    Thrilled to see Crystal go. Would be thrilled to see Ken go too. Suggestions for future Survivors – those with best survival skills reap more advantages than they have been in the last several Survivors. It seems like, especially this season, those with the least survival skills (with the exception of Bob) are winning. Doesn’t seem right.

  • Heidi

    I was so mad at Sugar’s immaturity to laugh when Randy got eliminated, but I thought when Sugar said ‘take this cursed thing away from me, Matty’ she may have won a million right then and there tonight.
    Isn’t it interesting how the one person there who in a fatherly way gave her hell, has captured her heart. I felt at that the moment he loudly lectured her, she wasn’t angry. She was ashamed and her father spoke through Bob to put her in her place. That’s why she knew she could respect and trust him and why she decided to protect him this evening, and Matty too.
    It’ll be an interesting final show on Sunday.
    Oh and for all the people who say the tribal changes are messing with their ‘pools’, Our family watch it together and have to select our choice episode one. My sons chose Kenny, and Bob, respectively; my husband chose Sugar and I chose Matty. So we’re doing pretty well so far!!

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