Hey, 50 Cent! Make music, not war, with Taco Bell!

50cent_l_2You may have heard the news last week that Taco Bell slapped 50 Cent with a countersuit over the trademark-infringement case brought by the rapper last summer; the initial lawsuit involved the fast-food restaurant chain’s promotional letter suggesting Fitty change his name to "79 Cent," "89 Cent," or "99 Cent," in an effort to promote Taco Bell‘s delicious/nauseating Value Menu.And while I can certainly understand the outrage prompted by Taco Bell using a line like "We encourage you to ‘Think Outside the Bun’ and hope you accept our offer" in its initial note, wouldn’t it be better if the legal combatants set aside their differences in a spirit of cooperation, mutual self-promotion, and financial gain?

To that end, I have penned a little rap ditty to the tune of Fitty’s 2002 smash "In Da Club." (Original track embedded after the jump, should you want to sing along.) I only wrote an intro and a first pass at the chorus, but by all means, feel free to suggest lines for the verse in the comments section below. If you can find a good rhyme for Crunchwrap Supreme, you’re a better wordsmith than me.

Go, go, go, go
Go, go, go Taco
It’s your birthday
We’ll dance with señoritas like it’s your birthday
We gon’ eat Gorditas like it’s your birthday
And grab a Steak Grilled Taquito
Even if it’s not your birthday!

[Chorus]
You can find me at the Bell, ’cause I like what they sell
We’ll trade our Glocks for guac, join the Chalupa cartel
I’m into hard tacos, I ain’t into the soft shells
Reduced-fat sour cream? Oh I’ll tell you "go to hell"

You won’t find me at Chipolt, their menu is revolt…
Fast food’s better super-processed, if the truth be told
I’m into Prevacid, I ain’t into poppin’ Tums
So come give me a hug. And a 7-Layer Stuft…

Comments (6 total) Add your comment
  • Melissa

    Slezak, you slay me. That was hysterical. Just what I needed to help me kill the time before I can leave work for the weekend.

  • Aceinhole

    What should a person do to get to Heaven? If you said, “There is no Heaven” or “You just have to live a good life”, YOU ARE WRONG. Stay with me and find out why. Let’s see if you’ve been a good person. Jesus said “Whoever looks with lust has committed adultery in their heart”. Have you ever lusted? Have you hated anyone(committed murder in your heart)? Have you made a god in your mind to suit yourself(idolatry)? Have you used God’s name in vain? Have you ever stolen anything regardless of value? If you have then you’re a thief. If you have told just one lie, then you are a liar and CANNOT get into heaven. On Judgment Day you will be found guilty and end up in Hell forever. But that’s not God’s will. We broke his Law but because Jesus paid our fine by dying on the cross, God can forgive us. If you repent and trust the Savior, God will forgive your sins and grant you everlasting life. So confess your sins to God today, put your faith in Christ, and obey God. Read John 14:21

  • Lindsay

    Will you marry me?

  • Bruce Walker

    Um, what the hell do aceinhole’s comments have to do with anything here? Go back to the Westboro Baptist Church, weirdo.

  • Tony

    50 Cent should have just written back to Taco Bell saying, “Thanks, but no thanks”, and this whole ridiculous thing would have been avoided.

  • kwqmo hndisvk

    ihxatmk stpaqm xwtvp uzjcohwqg nmxzphs mbzvq dmpqs

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