You may have heard the news last week that Taco Bell slapped 50 Cent with a countersuit over the trademark-infringement case brought by the rapper last summer; the initial lawsuit involved the fast-food restaurant chain’s promotional letter suggesting Fitty change his name to "79 Cent," "89 Cent," or "99 Cent," in an effort to promote Taco Bell‘s delicious/nauseating Value Menu.And while I can certainly understand the outrage prompted by Taco Bell using a line like "We encourage you to ‘Think Outside the Bun’ and hope you accept our offer" in its initial note, wouldn’t it be better if the legal combatants set aside their differences in a spirit of cooperation, mutual self-promotion, and financial gain?
To that end, I have penned a little rap ditty to the tune of Fitty’s 2002 smash "In Da Club." (Original track embedded after the jump, should you want to sing along.) I only wrote an intro and a first pass at the chorus, but by all means, feel free to suggest lines for the verse in the comments section below. If you can find a good rhyme for Crunchwrap Supreme, you’re a better wordsmith than me.
Go, go, go, go
Go, go, go Taco
It’s your birthday
We’ll dance with señoritas like it’s your birthday
We gon’ eat Gorditas like it’s your birthday
And grab a Steak Grilled Taquito
Even if it’s not your birthday!
You can find me at the Bell, ’cause I like what they sell
We’ll trade our Glocks for guac, join the Chalupa cartel
I’m into hard tacos, I ain’t into the soft shells
Reduced-fat sour cream? Oh I’ll tell you "go to hell"
You won’t find me at Chipolt, their menu is revolt…
Fast food’s better super-processed, if the truth be told
I’m into Prevacid, I ain’t into poppin’ Tums
So come give me a hug. And a 7-Layer Stuft…