After tonight’s episode ended, I called Doc Horowitz and said, "I gotta get in to see you. I think something is wrong with me. I think I’m losing my edge. Going soft. Can you run a test or something, see what’s what?"
He asked me for my symptoms.
I said, "I felt badly for Randy getting played at tribal council like a banjo at a small town country fair. (Yes, I know, bad analogy and small town and country fair are probably redundant.)
Recognizing the severity of my condition, he immediately cancelled his morning appointments to squeeze me in. I’m waiting on the results.
In the meantime, I try to make sense of it all. Randy is a bitter man with a ton of enemies, and he had this coming like a kid who sticks a fork in a toaster. (Was that one any better?) He deserved what he got like Survivor deserves an Emmy.
So why did I feel bad? Maybe there is just something about Randy that I can relate to and sympathize with. Oh, he will hate me saying it like that.
My friend Serena thinks the answer lies with Sugar and the way she handled herself as I read the votes. "Not cool." (I think she might be right. Serena is almost always right.) That uncontrollable laugh that came from such a deep place inside Sugar was so uncomfortable that I almost wanted to pull the votes out, rearrange them, rewind the tape, and vote Sugar out. Ah, but that’s just me. Me and Serena that is…Me and Serena sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g.
I will say this – it was brilliantly played from top to bottom, and I do appreciate that level of execution. Bob deserves major credit. He built an amazing fake idol, and he played both Corinne and Randy so well. Didn’t rush it, wasn’t pushy. He was subtle. Subtle like the feather of an eagle falling softly to the ground. (Worse?)
Corinne on the other hand is equally as mean as Randy but I don’t find myself rooting for her in any way. She is an original. I will give her that. Not sure we’ve ever had anybody on the show quite like Corinne. Corinne is as subtle as a thunderstorm. Subtle as the look I give a Survivor when they want to quit. Subtle as, I know, a Probst analogy.
Jerri Manthey can’t hold a candle to Corinne. Jerri had some likable qualities about her, Corinne has none. Just ask her. She’ll tell you the same thing.
By the way, (which is, by the way, one of the phrases that most annoys me because everyone in Hollywood uses it as a way to alert you they’re about to say something brilliant) all this stuff about me being attracted to Corinne really surprised me. Here’s the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I felt like I had been beating up on Corinne for so long that when I saw her smile on the last episode I figured I’d say at least one nice thing.
Fittingly, Corinne probably hated that I said it in the first place. But just so we are clear, I have no interest in dating Corinne. I do not have the hots for Corinne. I don’t think about Corinne. I like nice women. Done. Enough already.
The Survivor Auction. Food wise, Randy was the clear winner and provoked a wonderful 5th-grade argument with Sugar about a cookie, and of course Sugar had to get the last word, and did when she took the cookie and gave it to Matty. So there. Whatcha gonna do about it? Serena likes Sugar but thinks she gets it wrong every single time at tribal council.
I’m a little confused about the auction – it’s the one point in the show where we give the Survivors free money and then let them bid on food items and the like. So…why was it so bitter?
Sugar hates Randy. Randy hates Sugar. Corinne hates Sugar. Sugar hates Corinne. Thank god everybody likes Bob. At least there’s one person to root for.
I’ll tell you this: If it keeps up it’s going to be an amazing bloodbath toward the end.
I absolutely love watching Kenny get more and more cocky each week. At the auction for instance, Matty is bidding on the burger and fries and Kenny, who had the most money, shrugs his shoulders and says, "You can have it." Like Tony Soprano, this kid. I can’t wait for the execution. I promise you if he keeps this attitude, it will happen and he will not see it coming.
Okay, so to recap, which Serena loves for me to do…
I’m concerned about my soft spot for Randy, not interested in Corinne, can’t wait for Kenny to get his comeuppance, enjoyed the 5th grade cookie argument, and love Bob.
Now to answer a few questions from last week:
Regarding a Final 3 vs. a Final 2: Our main concern is to make sure we keep the show interesting, so we vary it from season to season as we see fit. There are strong arguments on both sides, and I promise you whichever side you take, I will take the other side and defeat you. I love debate.
To Penny P – uh…the reason I started saying "FANG" instead of "FONG" is because the tribe changed their name. Pay attention.
Finally, regarding the "same lines" I say every week, such as: "Come on in guys," "Wanna know what you’re playing for?" "Immunity is back up for grabs," etc….
1. Yes, I write everything I say. Blame me.
2. Yes, I’m aware I say them every time. That’s the joke. Hello.
That’s it. I’m done.
Now check out our exclusive deleted scene from Survivor: Gabon and then read Dalton’s recap.