The first print ad for Cycle 11 (billion) of Top Model has popped up in Vogue, so let’s tally up the most significant elements of its absurdity. (Image comes courtesy of Oh No They Didn’t via Best Week Ever; you can examine a bigger version of the spectacle, here.)
People looking at the camera: 6
People gazing in awe at different parts of Tyra, even though she definitely wasn’t at the same shoot: 3
Girls staring off into space/the giant nacho platters in their dreams: 5 (including Mr. Manuel)
Unfortunate elements of Tyra’s outfit: 2,019 (shoes count as 1000 each)
Jays: 2
Sleepers: 2
"Smiling with the eyes": 0
Tattoos that do not appear to be airbrushed: 0
Is the first line of Emerson, Lake & Palmer’s "Karn Evil 9" stuck in my head now, for good reason? Oh hell yeah.
Any important categories I missed, P-Dubs?
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Tyra’s been photoshopped to look like Beyonce. Oy.
Oh, now that is the epitome of hot mess. And all those little darlings better learn how to smile with their eyes soon or we will have to endure 394829348923 more lessons on how to do it. D:
I don’t see any “plus size” models in this photo. Maybe since Whitney won last cycle, Tyra doesn’t feel the need to cast any more full-figure beauties.
Success as an ad: 10 of 10. Because there’s no way you can see that and forget it AND what it’s advertising, so I give kudos. Hilarious. Why?!!
Yeah, my first thought when I looked at that picture was, how the eff did they got Beyonce to pose for that? Followed by, wait, that’s Tyra?? On a hot mess scale of 1 to 10, that promo is like a 27. So awesomely bad.
I think that you need to ingest some illegal substance in order to get it!
Can’t wait for the next season!!! I’m already smmiling with my eyes…LOL
Ugh, I hate hippies.
Unfortunate use of headbands: 10 (sorry Miss Jay, you too!)
Missing the 40th anniversary of the “Summer of Love” by two years: check.
Or perhaps they’re going for the 40th anniversary of Woodstock.
Just make sure the models don’t take the brown acid.
In response to this add: holy crap! And Tyra looks so photoshopped, especially her face – yikes! My favorite part is that ANTM advertises in Vogue…as if trying to trick us into believing it has anything to do with the fashion industry. But of course I’ll be watching every trashy, ridiculous minute!
That font at the top and the overall vibe seems like the designer completely ripped off the current Honda Odyssey mini-van campaign. Are they trying to seduce the soccer moms into watching?
Opening lyrics of Karn Evil 9:
Cold and misty morning, I heard a warning borne in the air
About an age of power where no one had an hour to spare,
Where the seeds have withered, silent children shivered, in the cold
Now their faces captured in the lenses of the jackals for gold.
Hmmm.
“Welcome back my friends,
to the show that never ends…”
When are we getting our next installment of America’s Next Top Doll? I need some Explorita & Princess Thursday to get me through the work day – it’s true, y’all.
No one loves Tyra as much as Tyra.
“I looked in the mirror and who did i see? Me! Me! ME!”
Potential models: 0
C – I think Tyra is the plus sized model.
Is it me? Or do a lot of these girls look familiar?
Do they have to have a platinum blond pixie-cut girl every cycle?
Is Tyra just incredibly airbrushed, or is that some fantasy portrait as opposed to an actual photo?
I with eventgal…I need some ANTD to counteract the effects of another ANTM go-round. And the ad was in Vogue?(Oh, the irony). Just think how fab the ANTD gals – Explorita, Hellaciouse, Extendrer etc – would look in all their tie-dyed loveliness! Peace and love, y’all.
As for categories missed? No-one could top Womp Womp’s most accurate suggestion!
Oh. My. God.
And yesss!! we need some more ANTD up in here!
Can you say PHOTOSHOP any louder than that, Ty-Baby? Sorry, you don’t look like that anymore – not that it’s bad – but if you didn’t pretend to be ‘model waif’ no-one would care. It’s because you’re ashamed to now be ‘plus size’ that people are talking. Just be you – and stop concentrating on you so much. Sheesh!
Number of models false-idol worshipping: 6
Number of models who could care less that they’re actually in this picture: 7
Marketing companies projected outcome of creating an ad that will increase viewership based on sheer stupidity: PRICELESS
It’s funny that the “stars” of the show, Tyra, J. and Jay the other gay guy who tries so hard to not look hispanic at all, all look absolutely ridiculous. If they want to appear like a “legitimate” show and not just get laughed at, they need to get some better “stars”.
I guess u should have thanked tyra for all of her effort in putting up this kind of show…cos without her..you think you would know ANTM?? You think u’ll learn that there is such thing as Smile with the eyes?? cmon? wake up!! someone who cannot see beauty on the creations of others…is surely a person who doesnt have inner confidence..and trying to hide his/her insecurities by projectin that to others…Does it hurt>???
Anyway, let us watch the whole episode and start to cast yer votes who you think will be the next top model..
well, for me…i guess..SHEENa will win this cycle..ya know whY? you surely know!! ^_^
OMG it has gotten SOOooo cheesy. Imean the whole future thing, then tonite with the whole make over fairy. are u serious? And where is tyra? she dosn’t ever go to shoots, unless she is the one, I think she is a hot, fab model, real boobs, real ass, and FAKE personality. LIKE OH my God!!