Digging up zombies from the movie graveyard: The Ramones, Venom, and Austin Powers

Sterngracepowers_lThree film projects I’m not sure I’m excited about:

1. The Howard Stern-produced remake of Rock ‘n’ Roll High School. Stern (pictured, left) has been talking about doing this for at least six years (along with a remake of Porky’s), but now he’s hired a screenwriter: actor-turned-filmmaker Alex Winter. (Winter knows from satirical high school movies, having played Bill opposite Keanu Reeves’ Ted in the Bill & Ted comedies.) No word yet on which band will sub for the stars of the 1979 cult movie, the Ramones, though maybe Stern could make it a period piece and star as his lookalike, Joey Ramone… nah. Feel free to suggest in the comments section a present-day analog to the then-rising punk act for Stern and Winter to cast in the update.

2. A Spider-Man 3 spinoff centering on the villainous Venom. Except it doesn’t look like Topher Grace (center) will star (or Tobey Maguire, for that matter), so essentially, the filmmakers will be creating a new character named after a villain in a comic book series whose hero is not likely to make an appearance. The last time Hollywood tried that, we got Catwoman.

After the jump: one more follow-up project no one asked for…

addCredit(“Howard Stern, Topher Grace, Mike Myers: Scott Wintrow/Getty Images, Kimberly Wright”)

3. A fourth Austin Powers (right) movie, this one focusing on the tormented father-son relationship between Dr. Evil and Scott Evil. Much as I love the banter between Mike Myers and Seth Green in the earlier films ("I’ve got a whole bag of ‘Shh!’ with your name on it"), I’m not sure they can stretch that into a whole movie. Plus, there’s the smell of desperation here, an effort that will look like Myers retreating and pandering after the detonation of The Love Guru stinkbomb. It’s the sort of move Myers had enough integrity to avoid when he chose not to make a half-assed Dieter movie.

Ah, but maybe I’m just being a crank here, and all these works of cinematic art will prove me wrong. Which of these projects are you the most optimistic about? Which will you refuse to see unless they pry your eyelids open Clockwork Orange-style?

Comments (24 total) Add your comment
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  • Kathleen

    My guiltiest secret is how much I LOVE Alex Winter. And even though that love has endured since I was about 13, I don’t have good feelings about R&RHS. But I think it’s more the Stern aspect that worries me.
    They should just do an animated Venom movie.
    OK, I was wrong – this is my guiltiest secret: I seriously think I could watch Dr Evil and Son for 90 minutes. And laugh my butt off.

  • Road Cat

    The NEW UPDATED EDITION of “On The Road With The Ramones.”
    With new pages, photos and info on what’s been happening to the legacy of the Ramones since 2003.
    This is a MUST-HAVE book for all Ramones fans. Based around the story of Monte A. Melnick who was the Ramones tour manager (and much more) throughout their entire career (1974-1996, and 2,263 live shows). It’s an inside look from the people who were actually there witnessing and experiencing all the extreme highs and lows of one of rock’s greatest bands. The book is packed with interviews from the Ramones and many many more people who where very close to the band. There is over 250 photographs and pictures of memorabilia Monte collected along the way. Buy it, read it and then revisit their albums. You’ll never look at the Ramones in the same light.

  • eggsalad

    Mike Myers should do a movie about sucking bacon stenched Canadian cocks…

  • Los

    Although it might sound crazy, it might be possible (I didn’t say ‘likely’, I said ‘possible’) that Stern could pull of the RnRHS thing. He grew up listening to the Ramones, Private Parts was a terrific movie, and if the right bands are picked for it, who knows? (Hey, it worked for Hairspray)
    Venom? Catwomantastrophe waiting to happen.
    Even though the Dr. Evil/Scott Evil scenes were the best scenes in all the Austin Powers flicks, I feel reluctant mainly because this is being done for nothing more than a paycheck. The franchise hasn’t been touched in years, and right after the Love Guru? Myers, could you be anymore obvious?

  • Heather

    OK, cry for justice to TPTB at the Austin Powers film: PLEASE cast Cloris Leachman as Frau Farbissina’s mother!!!!! Make a part, I don’t care if it fits logically, just put these two wonderful women on the same set!!!!

  • Jon

    Having read the Dieter script a million years ago, I can say without doubt it was better than the putrid Love Guru. Maybe Mike should go back and make that.

  • Elizabeth

    If they centered the movie around Scott Evil and whatever band of young misfit partners in crime he could assemble, it may be worth it.
    Or it would be a good episode of Robot Chicken – at the very least.

  • Dana

    It’s high time Myers followed in the footsteps of other movie funnymen who stopped being funny and do some serious acting. Sure “54” was dreadful, be he wasn’t that bad in it. He should walk the Murray/Martin/Carrey path for a while.
    Hopefully, by taking a break from the “comedy” with some dramatic roles he can remember how to be funny.

  • Catherine

    Shame on Howard, he should know better. There’s no “remaking” the awesome cheesiness that is “Rock and Roll High School.”

  • drella66

    Please Howard, dont do this to me!!!!!!!

  • Ep Sato

    Sus, I’m totally with you on this. EW just did a thing on franchises we’re sick of.
    IMHO, Austin Powers 2 was superior to part 1, but the third movie was weak and not very funny. The series was clearly on the decline, so why go for a fourth? Bad idea all around.
    Alex Winter since Bill And Ted did that Idiot Box show (it had some funny moments) and directing a straight to tv Ben 10 kids movie for the Cartoon Network. Not exactly what I’d call a- class credentials.
    As for a Venom Spinoff, it sounds painfully dumb. Why go to the villains when there are appealing heroes to make movies with? Instead of Venom, why not Mike Allred’s X-force (as directed by Tim Burton), the Power Pack (as a kids movie), Fight Man (props to Evan Dorkin), or The Vision? Seriously, at the rate Marvel is going, can a Howard the Duck remake be far off?

  • sandy

    i think the perfect band for RnRHS would be The Ragamuffins of Love. They represent the spirit and energy of the film. Check out their music (google them) and see if you agree.

  • Joe Scolara

    EW is a joke – their “14 franchises we are sick of” would have easily applied to Batman after “Batman and Robin” – every franchise has ups and downs – don’t let pinheads who praise a property one year and then spit on it the following year tell you what to think. and what’s up with the constant “lists” – have they so little journalistic creativity that this is all they have left. What’s next – the “15 greatest movie ending credits ever”? Pathetic.

  • Anonymous

    What happened to the board censors? We can’t say “ritalin” on the SYTYCD boards, but someone can write disgusting curse words and gay porn stuff on here?

  • Ewwww!

    Hello, EW?!? Is anyone home??? Why is EW censoring reader posts that mention 1950’s TV show “Leave It To Beaver” but allowing profanity here? Please delete these inappropriate posts. Thank you.

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