As many of my colleagues know, I’m addicted to reality TV. And not just classy Bravo joints that are actually cool to reference at parties, but the cringe-inducing VH1 am-I-getting-a-disease-just-by-watching-this? programs, too. (Helpful hint: Beginning a conversation at a party by saying "Did you see that Flavor of Love episode…?" is a socially crippling experience. Unless I happen to be a fellow guest at said party, in which case I’ll gladly join you in a 30-minute conversation about the impressive trajectory of human loogies). Even my mother is starting to recognize my unhealthy obsession, as evidenced by this recent conversation:
Me: "But mom, I love crap!"
Mom: "How long until that becomes the actual name of a VH1 series?"
Actually, I’d probably watch that. In fact, the only type of reality series I probably wouldn’t watch would be one populated exclusively by the type of reality-show contestant that has irked me for years: the headstrong, ruthless player who just wants to make it clear that, no, he or she is not in the competition to "make friends." Which makes me wonder — and I’m talking to you, Dale from Top Chef — why be so adamant about rejecting reality-show bonds? Is it so bad — Jen from Hell’s Kitchen — to sing a hypothetical round of "Kumbaya" with other contestants, seeing as you have to, you know, cook with your competition AS A TEAM? And why put your fellow housemates down — Monique from America’s Next Top Model — when you know that Tyra will ask them down the line who they think has the most potential to succeed as America’s. Next. Top. Model? So imagine my relief upon logging onto Jezebel.com and discovering that Rich Juzwiak of FourFour was kind enough to compile an expansive and hilarious collection of the "I’m not here to make friends" mantra, complete with an unexpected kicker from best Top Model contestant ever, Cycle 9’s Heather. Enjoy!
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I think my favorite by far is Jade from ANTM. “This is a competition. This is not America’s Next Top Best Friend.”
I love love love that you have posted a link to Rich’s blog. It is, hands down, the most fun, witty, and smart blog I’ve ever read…besides PopWatch, of course. Any ANTM fans out there, bookmark Rich’s page for his hilarious recaps! Also, I <3 Winston.
I didn’t come to Popwatch to make friends.
Funny, but the “I’m not here to make friends” mantra led Hung to win last season’s Top Chef.
I tend to dislike the arrogant contestants on these shows, but am always dumbfounded at how stupid some of these folks are when it comes to general knowledge. It’s the morons on these shows that bug me, and they seem to be reproducing in bunches.
But none are as bad as the contestants who take the show too seriously. I mean, dude. It’s reality tv!
They’re all famewhores and sociopaths.
I Love Crap will be the name of an MTV or VH1 reality show by 2012. Trust.
Thankyou Kate. I no longer feel alone!
I’m just going to copy Ceballos’ entries and be very hurt, insulted and self-rightous when another Popwatcher calls me on it. That’s my strategy. I didn’t come to Popwatch to make friends.
So funny!
Rich is awesome. His videos are always hilarious.
It kills me that someone on “Beauty and the Geek” said this. Isn’t making friends actually the point of that show?
Speaking of ANTM’s Jade, This clip of her “original vocabulary” is too funny!
Well played, Broadway Baby. Well played. (Please don’t interpret that as a friendly statement. Because I didn’t come here to make friends.)
All reality TV is garbage.
As much as I hated Jade (from ANTM)… I still reference that quote all the time ” Did you watch America’s Next Top Best Friend last night?!” I loves me some ANTBF!!
I didn’t go to journalism camp to make friends.
Haha! This is hilarious.
omg the longest, most ridiculous reality show audition ever!