They aren’t just looking for talent. They’re looking for the ”greatest legends in entertainment history!” A tall order for a summer filler show, if you ask me. Regardless, Piers Morgan, Sharon Osbourne, the Hoffinator were back last night for another round of America’s Got Talent auditions. Does anyone else think it’s ironic that to find talent in America we had to import two British judges? On the line-up we had:
Grinding with Powertools!
So there’s grinding, and powertools? Cut to Hoff and Piers crackin’beers, fist pounding and high fiving behind the judges station. Maybenot, but Hoff was so taken with Miss Pussykatt, whose talent was towear sheet metal and shoot sparks out of her ass, that he crooned,”Pussycat, pussycat, I love you.” I’ll wait while you gag.
Singing Fairies!
The Singing Fairy didn’t choose to be a singing fairy, it was destiny. I guess if you’ve heard the story of one singing fairy, you’ve heard ‘em all. Victoria, the winged abomination, is also a part-time nanny. Makes you wonder how many kids are still trying to overcome their fear of tone-deaf mythical creatures.
Tumblers and boy bands and gay cowboys!
You know how you sometimes put on socks and slide across hardwood floors? (Well, I do that, at any rate.) Yeah, New Orleans street performers Lil Countrie and Page 1NE do that too, except they slide on their heads. And oh my God, someone call 1990, it’s the next big boy band! Next II None could kind of sing and they could sort of dance, which makes them them more talented than any other boy band America has ever seen. But my favorite choreographed dance routine came from the DC Cowboys. I think they won me over with their clever slogan: ‘Think Brokeback meets Broadway.”
Know your audience
The Taubl Family, channeling the Von Trapps, sang ”The Sound of Music.” It was lovely, adorable, G-rated fun; a nice breather between acts like The Sassy Kitten Cougar Exotic Dance Club Team Without Underwear. The Taubl Family made it to the next round, but can you imagine them performing on the Vegas strip? Surrounded by the sins of the devil? I think the Taubl Family would be a lot more successful renting a bus and touring the church circuit in Nebraska.
I’ve seen that card trick before
I don’t have anything against magicians, but I just don’t care if someone can get out of a locked box and into a red bathing suit in under 30 seconds. The Pendragons were two of the many magicians — excuse me, illusionists — who made me EWww and EHhhh. Like Dan the magic man, whose trick was to make you think he ripped a dove in half. EWW! Or Johnny O, who lit a bouncy ball on fire and then bounced it. EHHH! Or Becky Blah, who did something that was so unmagical I can’t even remember the trick or her last name. Or Bizzaro, the man who lights himself on fire and also shoots fire from his…EWW!
You don’t look familiar
For every disappearing illusionist, there was a tribute act getting the BZZT. Tough luck, Cyndi Lauper, Elton John, Dionne Warwick, and Rod Stewart. Even George Bush struck out. Sharon commented that his material was almost as bad as the actual president’s. You gotta love Sharon Osbourne. Nice, funny, and coherent! Paula Abdul, are you taking notes? And then, just when you thought Vegas didn’t have room for another Elvis Presley, 23-year-old Joseph Hall gyrated his way into audiences’ hearts with a rendition of ”Hound Dog” that left Sharon AND the Hoff drooling for more. Piers looked a little jealous that someone had done something sexier than a British accent.
So what did you think of the ”talent” showcased last night? What kind of acts do you find most impressive? The dancers? The dancers who sing? The dancers who sing and levitate and change costumes while rollerblading on their hands? When will Americans learn that sometimes less is more?
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I gotta say, Joseph “All shook up” Hall made my lady parts tingle. Too bad he’s an Elvis impersonator.
Sorry – “Hound Dog” – see what he did to me?
I realize that reality television is the absolute decay of our society’s brain cells, but are you seriously telling me that people (real live human beings!) actually tuned in to watch this sh*t???
what, no mention of the wannabe Ozzy??
Mind you, I have no problem whatsoever with a young girl who can do wild and crazy things with her tongue! Just so we’re clear.
Kiva the Grinder Girl, who regularly appears on Letterman, has been grinding for years and does a much better job. And she wears great costumes!
Seems like the talent is going to wane a bit, while the sob stories will continue on unmercifully.
Like the New Orleans dancers and the guy who did Walking in Memphis, but the way they edit this show (with the judges clothes changing from act to act and the constant cutaways to the audience and judges is quite distracting.)
At least I am on the commercials actually doing magic. Cest la vie
Where is the talent? Too much sleaze, not enough entertainment. $10 says the producer is porn-addicted.
If you rip off someone else’s act, is it “talent” because you can execute it? Shouldn’t originality play a part in it. (Yes, Miss Pussycat, I’m talking to YOU!)
Amen to the mention of Kiva the Grinder Girl!
I have to say, the Elvis guy was good and the Taubl family. The Pendragons are professionals and should not have been put through. This is a show for amateurs and/or new talent isnt it?
I am Victoria, The Singing Fairy and by the way this is only one of my personas. I would like to set the record straight. I haven’t been a nanny in over 10 years. I own my own business “Enchanting Entertainment.” I also teach singing/songwritng classes. If you are at all interested in the TRUTH, then check out my website http://www.singingfairy.com. I also sing at benefits for children; sometimes healthy, sometimes they have incurable diseases. Regardless, children and adults truly enjoy my presence and the sense of joy and magic I bring into their lives. I realize now I set myself up for AGT. It’s unfortunate America didn’t get a chance to know the real person I am or HEAR me sing. If you listen to the first few notes I was allowed to sing before I was X’ed, you will hear that all of my notes are on key, without music! I do have a 3 and 1/2 octave voice and on my website you can clearly hear that I can sing and I excel in many creative areas. Thanks for watching the show. Sincerely, Victoria
Hey, those magicians fooled the heck out of me! I saw The Pendragons perform for President Bush on ABC in Washington and they are as fantastic now as they were back then 2 years ago. I loved the costume change because the assistant is gorgeous in red. I think the reviewer missed the real trick, which was the changing places in the box under .25 seconds. Pretty awesome, and I think they could win!
Miss Pussykatt has also been doing this act for years, and many others. Just because one person has maybe more reg=cognition then the other Does not mean they ripped anyone off, do your resaerch first, thn put your foot in your mouth. Miss P is awesome, look her up she owns alot of other skills and talents
There is no one dumber or more self important on TV than the Hoff. Not even Randy Jackson. Loved grinder girl. I was wondering exactly how the head slider is saving New Orleans. Is he builing schools with his head? Fighting crime? Please stop with the sob bullshee stories.
To Cali. Clearly no, since last years winner was a pro. It is not called America’s Amateurs Got talent. By the way, Mr Walkin in Memphis was mediocre at best. Bring back fat opera boy to sob while eating a cheeseburger.
No mention of the Russian Bar Trio? They were awesome!