Quiznos' ad disclaimer makes me want to gag (on $5 bill)

My current nominee for the four most annoying words in the English language: "Dramatization: Do not attempt."

Yeah, yeah, I’m sure there’s some very important legal reason Quiznos needed to slap said disclaimer on its new ad showing the old woman at the laundromat devouring a five-dollar bill, but if someone is actually dumb enough to attempt such a shenanigan at home, doesn’t he or she deserve a few troubling digestive side-effects?

Similarly, do we as a society need to protect LG buyers who run over their outdated washing machines with steamrollers? ("But the pretty lady in the ad made it look so easy!") And I know Dennis Haysbert has a really commanding speaking voice, but I don’t think it should be grounds for a lawsuit if some loony watches dude’s Allstate "People, Not Drivers" spot and gets the idea to hook up her treadmill in the middle of a freeway overpass. (Where would she plug it in, anyway?)

Come on, PopWatchers, tell me I’m not the only one who gets a little overdramatic about the prevalence of "dramatization" disclaimers in today’s ads. Next thing you know Geico’s going to have to hold a press conference to announce that the gecko’s not really talking.

Comments (31 total) Add your comment
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  • Misnomer

    Ugh! Yes, I totally agree with you, Slezak! I find those disclaimers so ridiculous! But, they ARE there for a reason. People are very stupid, as we’ve seen time and again in the news (like all those teenage boys that hurt or killed themselves trying to recreate stunts they saw on Jackass). We are such a litigious society that anyone will file a lawsuit for any dumb ol’ reason.

  • Winona

    I love how the lawyers have to cover all the bases because of a couple stoopid people. My favorite ones I found recently were on my curling iron (which advises you “Do not put in eye”) and my hair dryer (“Do not use while sleeping”).

  • Nikki

    Unfortunately, “plaintiff is an idiot” is not a valid defense at law. The amount of effort it takes to put up a disclaimer is so minimal that there’s no way a company that didn’t use one and got sued would be able to escape damages.

  • Nose

    This isn’t from an ad, but I have a similar peeve…I was in a grocery store once, and was walking past the bulk food section. There was a bag of BBQ peanuts there, and on the bag….of BBQ peanuts…there was a warning sticker that said, “May Contain Nuts.” Come on, people!

  • Jennifer

    I hate the car ads that let us know that the dangerous stunts are being performed a “professional driver on a closed course,” ESPECIALLY when all the car is doing is driving down a straight road. Argh!

  • Stephanie T.

    Sometimes disclaimers don’t work because some kids can’t read fast enough. It’s really important that parents sit with their young ones when they watch cartoons. Looney Tunes, Woody Woodpecker, and Tom and Jerry were cartoons that were shown in theaters before a feature film. Kids began to watch them on television years later. Now, some kids knew what was real and what wasn’t. However, when Beavis and Butthead came out, that theory changed. There was one incident in which two kids threw a bowling bowl off of a highway overpass, smashing through the roof of a car and killing a child. After that happened, B&B was shown at a later time.

  • m@

    Yes, the disclaimer is unnecessary. But I actually really enjoy that Quizno’s ad!

  • I hate dumb people

    There used to be what I believe was a Nissan commercial, which had an SUV come flying out of an erupting volcano and then drive away. At the bottom of the screen you could see a disclaimer, “Do Not Attempt”. Really? Do not attempt to shoot my car out of an erupting volcano? That was my next vacation

  • mscisluv

    Stephanie T. – Actually, it was proven that the idiots that threw the bowling ball off the overpass just used Beavis & Butthead as an excuse after the fact. They actually did not do it because of the show; they just wanted a good defense.

  • Anna

    I agree that there are some real idiots out there that need to be told that McDonald’s coffee is hot or that Sunlight lemon dishwashing detergent isn’t suitable to make lemonade. One guy sued Kelloggs and won because he burned himself on a Pop-tart so now there’s a disclaimer on the package to let people know that Pop-tarts get hot in the toaster. Companies have lost millions due to these idiots so the rest of us get to be treated as if we have no common sense.
    My favorite disclaimer on air at the moment is the one where their swinging the truck (Chevy, I think)around in a centrifuge and a warning comes on for us to not try this at home. I wonder how anyone watching that commercial could possibly recreate that stunt.

  • Freddie

    Which is worse: the annoying prevalence of these types of disclaimers, or the fact that a good chunk of the population actually warrants having these disclaimers in place? Some of these you can rationalize (e.g. to Nose’s comment: w/o having any other details it may be that that particular company puts a disclaimer on all its products that may have trace amounts of nuts, due to those who have severe allergies, and so in this case sticking it on a bag of nuts yields an obvious result). To “I hate dumb people”: well, there is no trying to rationalize something like that. Let Darwin play out if it must.

  • kayethx

    Ugh. Does this remind anyone else of “So Long and Thanks for All the Fish”? It’s enough to make you stay on the Outside of the Asylum with Wonko the Sane.

  • S

    I once saw a bag of frozen vegetables for which the first cooking instruction was “Take bag out of freezer.” Who was trying to cook them in the freezer?

  • djbear

    If someone is dumb enough to try eating a $5 bill as the lady does in the commercial they would be to dumb to have been able to read the disclaimer! I avoid Quizno’s anyway, I’m a Subway kind of guy!

  • cap

    Quizno’s really needs a new ad team – anyone remember those dancing rats they had for awhile?!
    Also, on the cupholder in my car is a warning “DO NOT PLACE HARD OBJECTS IN CUPHOLDER – USE SOFT CUPS” I looked closer and there is an illustration of someone bending over and hitting their head on a cup in the cupholder. Gotta love it.

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