I’ve been stalling, PopWatchers. This is not a blog post I want to write. You already know the results, of course: On tonight’s episode of America’s Embarrassing Lapses In Judgment American Idol, Carly Smithson was sent packing, despite a rendition of "Jesus Christ Superstar" that Jesus himself would have been hard-pressed to top. And if you’ve followed my occasional recaps of the in-person Idol experience, you know that Carly was head-and-tattooed-shoulders my favorite contestant this year, if not ever. So it was not a good day for me. And what I’d really like to do is slap down 5000 or so words explaining what I perceive as a buttery national malaise involving fear of anything passionate or unique and expanding on my now-confirmed suspicion that the reason the music business is dying has less to do with the Internet and more to do with a lack of intellectual curiosity combined with an generational sound palate deadened by an endless stream of mediocrity masquerading as the "next big thing." But instead, I think I’ll just write up the notes I took from my seat in Section D of CBS Television City tonight, watch The Daily Show, and go to bed. After all, tomorrow I head to Coachella, and there will be real music there.
Read on as I defy current political trends to become both bitter and elitist, after the jump.
Much to what I’d assume was his dismay, Corey did not get to kick things off this afternoon, and was in fact rather upstaged by a very important fire drill. Literally. "Shhhh," said Debbie, quieting the crowd, if not the brain-numbing dance music. "You guys, we’re going to do a pyro test." [Silence] "It’s fire." [Ohhh!] "We just want you guys down here in the mosh to be aware of it." And so the shinyhairs were pushed back about two feet (all that product! my goodness, stand back!), a large man counted down from five, and four massive flames torched the stage. "DEE-TROIT BAS-KET-BALL!" I chanted, to no response. Meanwhile, some of the "moshers" had spied LaKisha Jones lurking rear stage right, and others spotted young Abigail Breslin taking her seat behind the judging table; loud noises ensued. Then the staff began taking all the posters away from the folks in the pit, carefully constructed fluorescent orange placards reading things like "You Must Love Brooke" unceremoniously carted off by burly men in black. I can only assume this had something to do with the pyro, but it would turn out to be a doubly good plan: Seems my Idol buddy and fellow Carly fanatic Richard Rushfield (of the L.A. Times) was not prepared to see the Irish lass go, threatening to, and I quote, "burn this place to the ground" if she was voted off. Secure in my belief that Syesha’s Idol journey was coming to an end instead, I laughed at him. Richard, I should not have laughed at you. But we’ll get to that.
Corey eventually started his thang, which tonight included a man taking the stage despite the fact that Corey called for ladies, then performing a more-than-passable booty dance. (Yes, even America’s men wish to be hoochies these days, it seems.) Most of Corey’s shtick I’m able to tune out — though I’m still trying to parse his sentence structure; is it "Aw yeah, Hollywood! Make some noise" or "Aw yeah! Hollywood, make some noise"? — and at some point during the endless warm-up, Rushfield and I became momentarily, giddily obsessed with the idea that maybe tonight’s show was only a half-hour long. With three minutes to go, the Idols came out, Debbie silenced the crowd, and when Ryan said "THIS," only Randy Jackson was seated at the judging table. The other two finally meandered in mid-credits, as Ryan and Debbie made a mad dash to start the show in the house.
For the group number — a far more tolerable rendition of "All I Ask Of You" than I expected to hear, though I find it a bit disconcerting that this year’s final three dudes are all able to sing comfortably in the same key as the women — a conductor was standing on the right side of the judging platform, half in darkness, nobly keeping tempo for the Idols. And since clearly the conductor was doing nothing at all important, Simon tried to grab his arms. Then Simon, Ryan, Paula, and Randy all started "conducting" like a bunch of hyperactive children. The conductor seemed to shake all this off with good humor, so Simon went back to clutching at the man’s hands again. This infuriated me. Do we have such little respect for music and so much faith in the brainless karaoke stylings of our "artists" that we are willing to sabotage the person tasked with keeping things in order by not only creating a visual distraction but physically molesting him as he does his job? (Did I mention I’m crabby?) God bless Debbie, though. "Simon was a bad boy," she chastised once we went to commercial. "He was conducting the children. Confusing them." "Make some noise for Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber!" Corey responded.
Eventually it’s time to get down to business, and Ryan brings Cook and Archie out on stage to tell them they’re both safe and give Simon a chance to retract the out-of-lockstep statement he’d made yesterday regarding Archie’s performance being "weak" and "not memorable." After a funny comment from Cook and a quick glimpse into the complex mind of Archuleta ("I was glad with what I did…"), the apostrophe-free Davids shuffled off to the couch. When they took another commercial break, Rushfield and I realized we were not, in fact, getting a half-hour show. Meanwhile, Corey was in the house left bleachers, asking the approximately 2,385th pre-teen girl if she was married and/or wanted $100.
After two more pyro tests, it was time for Leona Lewis, whose performance I’d like to gloss over for two reasons: One, I had not previously heard "Bleeding Love," pretty much on purpose, and now that I’ve heard it twice in one night, I still could not hum you a single bar of the verse or hook. (In my opinion, the past five years of female pop vocalists can now officially be summed up as "Crazy In Love" > "S.O.S." > "Umbrella" > "Gimme More" > "Bleeding Love".) Two, I find it difficult to get truly excited about an "artist" who Simon has "discovered" on another reality competition and who seems little more than yet another generically pretty face with a generically pretty voice whose big hit single is a completely forgettable piece of marzipan written by Jesse McCartney that requires a double shot of pyrotechnics in order to make the chorus "soar." And I invite you to scream at me for this next statement, but I can’t stop myself: Ms. Lewis also totally has cankles. A quick Google search tells me she’s already been told to lose weight if she wants to make it in America, which is total B.S. — she is by no means overweight. But she has been cursed with that particular anatomical affliction where there is no demarcation point between her calves and her ankles. For some reason, this makes me like her just a little bit more.
Syesha and Brooke are hauled out next to deliver Shocker #1: Brooke ain’t going home. Even though Syesha, like, got to, like, play someone, like, different for a change, she’s sent to the space stools; meanwhile, Brooke heads to the couch where she proceeds to completely break down. First her head is in her hands. Then she puts her head between her knees while D.Cook rubs her back. I take a second to check in on Syesha, who has wandered offstage, and suddenly Rushfield is nudging me to look at the couch again, where Brooke is full-on lying down. I am not sure that America’s decision to keep Ms. White around is doing much for that poor girl’s psychological condition. She’s been in a steady decline for weeks, and tonight she practically went fetal in public. But god bless that "mosh pit"! Soon, the screaming girls have Brooke up and laughing. And as Corey enters my section to hand out swag — OMG, he’s in my ROW! eek! — Syesha is being totally ignored. She emerges from the wings, clutching a Kleenex and looking visibly distraught, then starts swiveling around on her stool to collect herself while facing the back of the stage, hyperventilating with her hand on her chest, and clutching the other stool for balance. At one point, she goes to blow her nose, and a woman behind me gasps, "She’s gonna be sick!" She was not. But she was a little melodramatic. Broadway, baby. Broadway.
Shocker #2: Despite Rushfield’s insistence that the camera positions were set up for Jason Castro to be in the bottom two, Carly gets called to her doom. And then they make her and Syesha sing, which I found incredibly awkward, especially given that those two had most taken advantage of last night’s Encores-style orchestra setup for their blockbuster performances, and now they were stuck in street clothes on an empty stage, forced to carry things off using nothing but their voices and their charisma. Both women, happily, succeeded. Need proof? Go back and watch Leona Lewis’s eyes while she sang, and then watch Carly’s, and tell me: Who’s less dead inside? And seriously, I’m hard on Syesha, but I think Lord ALW encouraging her "animated" behavior might have changed that girl’s life just a bit — even though I was totally distracted from her number because I was trying to figure out what the hell Ryan and Carly were yapping about off to the side. I understand this interaction was caught on camera, and in Carly’s defense, Ryan was one-hundred percent engaged with whatever she was saying, and responded in kind. But honestly, I think Carly had pretty much stopped giving a s— what you people think of her by then anyway, so whatever.
We’ve now reached Shocker #3, or "the point in the evening where I became irrational," and I don’t want to drag this out. All I remember of elimination was sitting there, fingers crossed as tight as they’d go while Rushfield gripped the back of my hoodie with all his strength. Carly’s name was called, the verdict was delivered, I screamed "NO!!!!" and people stared at me again which made me think I said "NO!!!!" pretty loud, and then the best vocalist of the season was alone on the darkened stage, watching herself be celebrated home. Eventually, Ryan walked over and put his arm around her. I don’t think she cried. I didn’t wait to see if she would. The minute we were clear, I stood up, pulled out my earplugs, gathered my things, and walked towards the door. Turning around, I saw Rushfield standing slumped on the stairs in a daze, as audience members filed out around him. "Richard!" I called. "Let it go! Walk away!" He mumbled something, gesturing that he planned to stay. And that’s where I left him, PopWatchers: staring at the stage, a shell of a man who hopefully did not have any matches in his pocket.
I’ll be back on Idol duty in mid-May, when we’ll finally answer that age-old question: What becomes of the broken-hearted? Methinks they throw the shards of their shattered dreams behind David Cook, but only time will tell. It is now midnight, and all I currently want is for this crap day to be over. Talk about whatever you want in the comments. Be sure not to ruffle any feathers or show your tats or come off like you care too much. People don’t like that. And remember, kids: No matter how talented you may be, life will eventually come down to a popularity contest. (Although sometimes even the popular kids have cankles, if that’s any comfort.)
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I am sure plenty of folks will show boundless energy either agreeing or disagreeing with the results. The fact is that whether you go now, next week, or the week after will have no bearing on any ultimate career after AI ends. No, the best comment Whitney made was on LL’s “cankles”; new term to me. But spot on. That, and the strange way she bowed her legs while “dancing” sure looked funny.
It’s odd, your distain for Leona, as you “find it difficult to get truly excited about an “artist” who Simon has “discovered” on another reality competition” when you and Rushfield are so upset about Carly’s departure. Hypocritical much? I enjoy your posts but would rather not read about how a potentially great singer’s only redeeming quality to you is that she has cankles. WTF Whitney? America sent home the best female singer last night. Syesha and Brooke aren’t too far behind.
Great recap, Whitney. Some may complain but I dig the bitterness and sarcasm. I enjoy watching AI but it can be frustrating as hell.
Hi Whitney, as always I love your writing and I agree on Leona Lewis, she looks dead inside but you know what when they interview her she always comes off as a nice woman and very humble…I’m sad Carly’s left and Jason Castro is still there UGHH!!!! American Idol keeps falling lower and lower…
Will miss your AI snark. And thank you for “cankles.”
And votes the tatted one off.
She is such a turnoff – with that freak husband. No, not Idol material.
Won’t sell many more albums than last time. Don’t forget Whit, you’ll get a freebie so it doesn’t count.
Yes, total shock in this house. She should have outlasted Syesha and Brooke. Brooke’s histrionics turn me off. If either David get booted before the last 2 standing, I’ll swear off AI forever. Thanks for the comment on the cankles. I couldn’t take my eyes off her legs–so strange. Pants or long skirts from now on!
Pick a song that doesn’t make 90% of the country mad and maybe you won’t leave. I guess she go back to her creepy freak of a boyfriend now.
Oh Whitters, I love you on Idolatry but seriously, get over it. Carly’s exit has nothing to do with tattoos or fear of uniqueness. Idol is just some cheesy reality show, and Carly was a huge cheeseball. Her past recording career failure made her reek of desperation. Her big voice lacked any nuance or real control, and her likability factor was almost zero. Seriously, the girl just sucked the joy out of the room when she performed and I’m not surprised people didn’t really warm up to that. I say it’s no big loss. Have fun at Coachella though, I’m jealous!
During this week’s performances my thoughts while watching Ayesha and Carly were that they had found their niche, Broadway Music. They both performed very well, but it made me think they were destine for musical theatre, not pop stardom so I wasn’t surprised to see them in the bottom two. That being said, I would have rather seen Ayesha go and kept Carly around until after Brooke left.
During this week’s performances my thoughts while watching Ayesha and Carly were that they had found their niche, Broadway Music. They both performed very well, but it made me think they were destine for musical theatre, not pop stardom so I wasn’t surprised to see them in the bottom two. That being said, I would have rather seen Ayesha go and kept Carly around until after Brooke left.
Ummm… Mainstream America still doesn’t cotton to gaudy tattoos? I’m thinking that Carly just never made the big “statement” that was necessary to overcome her tendency to come off as somewhat desperate/trying too hard. It is what it is, folks.
I cannot understand why people are shocked. Carly was in the bottom three when the top 10 was announced. She barely made it to the tour. I think she got in ahead of Kristy who was also bottom 3 and Amanda was cut. Carly had a voice, that is it, she did not know how to perform, she pulled angry faces, she dressed badly, her tattoos were atrocious and did not suit her and every week she changed her style. versatile she maybe, but she never showed us who she was. I have no idea what type of cd she would bring out, and her problem was she was not the camera’s friend . She also did not perform or move well. She lacked that IT FACTOR
Carly was always struggling for the public to like her. In the top ten for those who go on tour, she was in the bottom three, she just did not connect with the public. No shock, she was never going to win.
Carly is by no means my favorite contestant (that would be a tie between Mr. Cook and Mr. Castro), but she deserved to stay, as she and Syesha were easily two of this week’s top three performers. Jason (despite how much I like him) and Brooke should have been in the bottom two, with Brooke being the one going home. Barring any more surprises like last night’s, the final five will probably go as follows: Brooke, Syesha, Jason, David A., and David C. as the winner. I think Syesha has the talent and ability to be a top-three contender, but her personality seems to rub people the wrong way, hence why she’ll probably go in the next two weeks. With that said, thanks for your snark-filled recaps, Whitney, I love them! Enjoy Coachella (so jealous, my roommate’s going, too), and I can’t wait to hear all about it!
Carly has a great voice, but she is a terrible performer. Of all the weeks she needed to come up with an “angry” performance, this was it…instead she gives an upbeat Suzy-Sunshine performance to a song that is NOT supposed to be warm and fuzzy. That being said, the wrong 2 were in the bottom this week. That nasty-haired Jason Castro should have been terminated this week (or at least sent to a good barber).
whitney, i definitely thought of you when carly got cut. i can’t complain too much because i’m a die-hard dcook voter, but it still sucked. brooke and jcas really need to go.
I didn’t notice the cankles, but I was wondering who decided to give a backlight to a woman wearing a see-through white flimsy dress.
Carly was my favorite, flaws and all — I liked her because of her flaws, actually! She doesn’t always say or do the right thing; sounds like 100% of the population to me. I can’t stand people who come off squeaky-clean, and therefore, totally boring (I’m looking at you, Archie!).
It should be clear by now that most of “America” doesn’t vote and doesn’t care that much to. I never have. I watch the show all the time.
But the people the show is clearing courting: young girls between 10-15, not only watch, but vote and vote a LOT. And that’s why “Awkward Archie” is always safe and powerhouse voices like Carly who are just a touch scary with all that ink are booted. It is, and always has been, a popularity contest.
I just watched the youtube of Carly’s performance. This is why I never watch AI. The gal has talent. She has power. She’s got the chops and the looks to go far. America is a misguided lemming following the drivel spewed from the AI judges’ mouths. So she has tattoos. So she sang JCS. For those of you unfamiliar with ALW, JCS has been around since the 70s. 30 years people. It, until Cats and Phantom, was one of the biggest Broadway sellers of all time. It wasn’t the song. It wasn’t her tats. It was the fact that America as a whole are tone deaf automatons devoid of any real appreciation for music other than what’s regurgitated out of the “hit maker” machine. I, personally, would rather listen to someone unique than someone who sounds like the 9 zillion other wannabe one-hit wonders out there.
Well I am sad to see Ms. Carly be voted off. I found her voice, her style, her stage presence wonderful. I do not understand how people who call themselves fans of AI or musical fans in general judge someone because they have tatoo’s or piercings. These things do NOT make who the person is inside, they do not make them evil or lame or ignorant or strange or anything else. It just happens to be something THEY like. Would all of you haters like people to judge you because you may look terrible in the style shirt, sweater, pants, dress, whatever you wore? Or the colors you put together? Or the way you wear your hair? Same thing… and don’t say it isn’t. People dress, where their hair, have tatoo’s, piercings, whatever to how they fell comfortable.. how they want to look. NOT to be judged by half the population because of it. This was not a competition for looks, or popularity it was a contest for who is the best musical performer. She may not be the best but she did not deserve to go yet
When I dialed for 01 on Tues. right after the show, I knew that Syesha was in trouble. I was able to get through on the first call and 99% of the redials. IMO, she had the best performance of the night. David A., as others have said wowed me at first, but his songs all sound the same. It looks like fan base will rule. I’m disappointed and hate the full hour elimination format.
Carly was a perfect case of a singer with fantastic vocal ability but very little restraint. Had she learned to harness that wail and maybe practice some scales or something, you know, to make sure she’s on key, she might still be around. But she’s not, and now I’ll cringe a little less watching episodes with fewer bent notes. Goodbye for possibly forever, Carly!
Funny, but if the show is geared toward girls 10 to 15, then Carly should still be here. She was my 10-year-old daughter’s favorite from Day 1, and she can’t understand why I (age 44) like the Davids.
I agree with everything you said here!
How you look does NOT make who you are no matter what critics think! I find her tat’s beautiful and she has a great smile, eyes etc. She will have a
career
I just watched the YouTube of Carly’s performance. This is why I never watch AI. The gal has talent. She has power. She’s got the chops and the looks to go far. America is a misguided lemming following the drivel spewed from the AI judges’ mouths. So she has tattoos. So she sang JCS. For those of you unfamiliar with ALW, JCS has been around since the 70s. 30 years people. It, until Cats and Phantom, was one of the biggest Broadway sellers of all time. It wasn’t the song. It wasn’t her tats. It was the fact that America as a whole are tone deaf automatons devoid of any real appreciation for music other than what’s regurgitated out of the “hit maker” machine. I, personally, would rather listen to someone unique than someone who sounds like the 9 zillion other wannabe one-hit wonders out there.
American Idiots! Who puts the best two performers from the previous night, in the bottom two?? Idiots who don’t like black girls and tatooed women with tatooed husbands. I can’t believe I go and sit through another week, or two of Jason or Blondie. Give me a break. Wise up America
Carly,shouts more often than sing.
Glad she is voted off.
The one consitent performer in my mind is David A and David Cook.
But between both i hope david Archuleta wins.
David Cook irregardless if he wins or not will make an album…
This is the very reason I stopped watching AI (this being the first time in two years). I said it before and I’ll say it again. It’s not “American” Idol, it’s “12 Year Old Girls Who Vote One Thousand Times For The Cute Guy They Have A Crush On or The Girl Who With The Cutiest Outfit” Idol. I will not be finishing this season. I think I’m done.
This result can’t really come as much of a surprise. Carly never solidly connected with the viewing audience, coming across as alternately defensive and desperate and usually over-singing her songs. “Belting” out a song is not necessarily a good thing–more often than not she sounded like she was shouting by the time she reached the song’s crescendo and her grimacing facial expressions made her hard to watch. I think her ultimate failure was being unable to define who she is as an artist, which she as much as admitted herself last night when she said she had been picking songs that she thought would showcase her vocal strengths (in other words, she had been pandering to the judges “technical” scores–and who really wants to watch a technical performance)?
This crying over her inevitable departure, is a bit ridiculous. Yes, she has a “big ‘ol voice”, but she lacked nuance and subtlety and emotional connection to the songs she blasted out week after week.
I have a feeling jb that your David’s are going to be the top two in the finale show! Archie because he is young and the girls think he is the best thing since cell phones were invented, and David Cook well he has the group from about 19 or 20 and up. He has had my vote weekly and I am a mom of one 24 year old daughter and I am 54! My daughter and I vote endlessly on our cell phones every Tuesday after the show for him. He has style, voice, looks, can do about any style of music put out there, he just sounds like someone in the music business that has been performing for years already. Well actually he has been around a few with his old band as lead singer but neither here nor there, he is great! But we shall see how America votes.. either way I think whoever wins if it is Archie he will go far with his pop, Disney, Broadway teen style and Cookie will just rock as always. I know millions of ladies that will be in line for that first CD release.