So last night, I decided to watch When Harry Met Sally… because it’d been too long since I’d seen the Mr. Zero scene. (Billy Crystal and Bruno Kirby doing the wave while discussing Harry’s divorce is cinematic perfection, is it not?) When I got to the part of the film where Sally (Meg Ryan) freaks out because her ex-boyfriend is getting married, I had the surreal experience of realizing that I am now the same age as Sally.
Sally: And I’m gonna be 40.
Harry: When?
Sally: Someday.
Harry: In eight years.
Sally: But it’s there. It’s just sitting there like this big dead end. And it’s not the same for men. Charlie Chaplin had babies when he was 73.
Harry: Yeah, but he was too old to pick ‘em up.
I don’t want this to be a pity-the-single-girl post, but as I find myself suddenly aware of what it means to be single in your early 30s (and deciding exactly how wrong it’d be for me to ask my sister, a divorce lawyer, to keep an eye out for a male client who has a civil relationship with his ex and a child who plays tee ball), I think it’s a good time to ask which films and TV shows give singletons hope and which ones give us panic attacks. I’ll admit that this is the first season that I’ve watched The Bachelor and felt a ping of fear: Are things that bad out there that women will sharpen their claws anytime a decent prospect appears?
Your turn.
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The scene on 30 Rock where Liz Lemon is in her apartment and chokes on her food is scary to me, as a single gal in her own apartment. Something tells me my dog won’t be able to do a good Heimlich maneuver.
I don’t know about movies/tv that give the single 30-something hope or play us in a non-spinster-y way.
I don’t have a specific film that gives me hope or fills me with fear about being a single girl. I have a love/hate relationship with romantic comedies & dramas. “Pride & Prejudice” is so romantic…”You’ve bewitched me body & soul.” I think it’s ruined me for life. These films make me hopeful that love is out there & that it can be beautiful. On the other hand, films like this depress me greatly because I don’t have that. Like I said, it’s a love/hate thing.
Until women stop telling themselves that they need a man to define them, it will never happen in entertainment.
I wouldn’t call it “hope” but “Everybody loves Raymond” makes me feel better about being single. Whenever that shrill woman opens her mouth I realize I could easily have had her life. And the fact that so many people could actually relate to those miserable people makes me wonder what it is about being married. The mad dash to find someone, then the slow burn of 60 years complaining about that someone.
I’m 27 with a roommate, but I second the Liz Lemon choking-on-her-food moment from 30 Rock. Or the similar scene with Miranda from Sex and the City.
I’m also torn on the marriage and kids issue, but I still feel the ping of panic once in a while.
Ames, I like your comment. That’s a good show to watch for that sort of comfort. (Also, look at Marie. Ugh.)
I’ve always thought that Sex and the City gave hope to single women out there.
Sex and the City. Plain and simple.
Sex and the City. Plain and simple.
Amen to Sex and the City. I’ve always especially loved the line, “maybe there’s just something to knowing they’re out there.”
You would think Seinfeld would give singletons hope, as it is about single 30-something friends. But the way the guys (not exactly the top of the barrel themselves) picked apart the women they dated was a little frightening. Particularly since B-level guys really do this about women who are likely way too good for them anyway.
I had the same moment with When Harry Met Sally – I realized I was older than Sally. It always seemed so far away. I am offically older than Carrie in Sex and the City when the show started (yikes) and my shoe collection has clearly not materialized as well as hers. Its a very Matthew McConaugh Dazed and Confused moment – I get older, but the characters stay the same age..
Egads Mandi, I didn’t realize til now but I am also Sally’s age. Swingers actually gave me hope after a painful breakup. Although that was in my 20’s so I’m not sure if it still would today.
I re-watched the fabulous 90’s movie “Singles” (Kyra Sedgwick, Bridgette Fonda, Matt Dillon, Campbell Scott, with cameos from just about everybody in the grunge scene in 1992) about a month ago and was blown away when B. Fonda’s character makes a huge deal about being 25. I watched this movie so many times and to the teenage me, these characters were such ADULTS. To realize that I passed by “Singles”-age without even knowing was simultaneously hilarious and frightening.
Sex and the City is the only one I can think of and even that focuses a bit too much on the “get a man” thing. I have yet to see a movie that celebrates being single, instead of celebrating Finally Finding A Man.
The single girl movie that sends me into a blind rage is While You Were Sleeping. That scene where she’s sitting all alone in her apartment on Christmas day, heating up a TV dinner and sitting down to eat with her cat? Are you kidding me? Why must singles only eat tv dinners? And why do cats=pathetic loners? Snap out of it sister!
I’m 35 and single and I know if I’d gotten married in my 20s, I’d be divorced right now. Everyone has to do this at their own pace. Miranda got the baby and the husband and the house and the dog. At her own pace. On here own terms.
As a gay man in his early thirties, I definitely want a wife and kids. Though not a house in the suburbs. Suburbs are the new slums. Penthouse condo in an emergent neighborhood please.
The Liz Lemon seen (and Miranda) inspired me to give a co-worker a key to my apartment. I think that Liz Lemon gives me hope that is okay to be different and okay to be single.
This is going take the discussion down a notch, but Yang on Grey’s Anatomy is completely inspirational. She would rather have a great surgery than a great man any day. And Amen to whoever flagged “While You Were Sleeping.” Sandra Bullock has perfected the art of the mopey single woman into an art form. I always watch her movies and have a great moment of schedenfreude (sp??) — at least I’ll never be that pathetic.
I have to disagree about Liz Lemon – I think she is an “example” of how pathetic single women are. She obsesses about old boyfriends constantly. She doesn’t always do laundry consistently, and sometimes has to wear her swimsuit because she ran out of clean underwear. She wants a baby so bad that she once semi-kidnapped one. She’s so desperate for a man, that she dates a loser beeper salesman and a college guy who has a mom that looks exactly like Liz. Need I say more?
I personally can not WAIT for the day that Hollywood (and/or Literature) finally gives us a story about women who are single and actually happy. I’m 27 and single and doing just great, thank you.
Mandi you’re killing me… first you get me thinking about SATC episodes 10 days after my breakup with my BF and now 2 months later you get me thinking again! Damn you?!?!?!
The speech at the end of Prince and Me when he speaks from the balcony as Paige disappears into the crowd gave me home and confirmed that my decision to move on was right… total cheese but really, what chick flick isn’t?
OMG! That would be my age too! Scary! LOL!
I love WHMS. My go to for feeling good about being single would have to be SATC. I’m a sucker for any romantic comedy – even 27 dresses which wasn’t that good.
F*** Love. All you need are a good pair of shoes.
Spoilers — To me it’s all about “Muriel’s Wedding.” She goes around obsessing about finding someone and when she finally has her wedding day, she realizes it actually wasn’t what she wanted in the end. To me it’s a great movie about getting your priorities straight.
I recently had the same When Harry Met Sally realization. Except mine was, “holy cow, i’m older than Sally. And i’m going to be 40. Someday.”
Yes, it’s wonderful to be in love with a great man who feels the same way about you. However, I’d rather be alone than with the wrong person. I’m in my early 40’s, still single, and haven’t eaten a tv dinner yet, nor do I have 100 cats. It’s natural to feel lonely sometimes, but you can still have a great life as a single woman. Now, if we were living in the 1800’s or before, THAT would be another story! Cheer up and live positively!
To Laura: We’re hardly saying that Liz Lemon gives us single girls hope. She made me more afraid to live alone! What Liz Lemon does for me is make me think that no matter how down I get about being single sometimes, there are women that are worse off than me!
I disagree that Sex and the City gives single girls hope. All it did was perpetuate the notion that all we need is a man in the end, and everything will be complete. But, hey, look how fabulous and superficial we can be in the meantime!
I’m looking for a man to complement me, not ‘complete’ me.
I’m 24, and I am already having the type of fears you’re talking about. Don’t know why; it’s programmed in I guess. However, unlike many of my friends, I’m not going to waste any time on relationships (or messing around with guys) that aren’t going anywhere.
P.S. What’re you doing watching the BACHELOR?? tsk tsk. Bad TV. And not the guilty pleasure kind, either.
My movie is The Mirror has Two Faces. I’m turning 30 this year and I’m really starting to feel it like I’m going to be alone and I’ll be 40 very soon.
My movie is The Mirror has Two Faces. I’m turning 30 this year and I’m really starting to feel it like I’m going to be alone and I’ll be 40 very soon.
Totally agree with the poster about Muriel’s Wedding, tho I wouldn’t have thought of that one myself. I’m past 40 and looking at you from the other side of the fence, I must remind you about the grass not always being greener & all that. Still not where I planned to be but hey, life happens.