In a society obsessed with inane reality shows (So You Think Your Ferret Can Dance!), hulu.com webcasts (ooh look, Just the Ten of Us on demand!) and other stupid human tricks, is reading books ever a bad thing? According to The New York Times, it can be — especially when it comes to romance. In last Sunday’s Book Review, the paper of record ran an essay suggesting that clashing literary tastes could ruin a budding relationship. What if you dig Proust, and she loves Picoult (as in Jodi, the best-selling, if decidedly middlebrow, author of works like the current chart-topper Change of Heart)? Or your beloved lives for Jane Austen, while you prefer Dean Koontz? Some of the so-called deal breakers in the Times story include Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged ("grandiosely heartless ‘philosophy’") and Jonathan Franzen’s The Corrections ("’Overrated!’ ‘Brilliant!’ ‘Overrated!’ ‘Brilliant!’"). But what about all the mass-market paperbacks out there? Does someone reading the Oprah-sanctioned The Secret tell you they’re an earnest, soulful truth-seeker, or a flaky quick-fix sucker? What about Elizabeth Gilbert’s ubiquitous Eat, Pray, Love? Or, conversely, the guy conspicuously carting around a battered copy of some Nabokov novel he’s clearly never read past the tenth page? Is pretending to read classic literature more egregious than reading stuff you like, even if it’s not considered "literary"?
Personally, I’m a pretty voracious if not always picky reader (subway commutes are like free library time!), though I also admit to be being Judgey McSnobberson when it comes to books with embossed lettering and/or anything featuring hot pink and kicky high heels on the cover. My boyfriend, an archeologist, only reads non-fiction, which initially kind of bummed me out. Then again, he doesn’t call me out for not reading 200-page tomes about rock formations, so why should I bug him for not caring about the latest hotshot British novelist? Plus, we have plenty of other entertainment tastes in common, like ’80s action movies when Bruce Willis actually had hair and Arnold Schwarzenegger was just a robot from the future; so on reading, we can agree to disagree.
What about you, readers? Is there any reading material that could lead you to ditch a blind date, or even a long-term love? Do you think a person’s choice in books tells you something real and meaningful about who they are? Or maybe you and your muffin disagree completely on books, but you’ve managed to overcome your literary differences and live happily ever after? Tell us your stories!
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I think deal breakers for me would be self help books and anything considered overhyped and trendy. I avoid the Oprah booklist like the plague. I’m actually an archaeologist myself but I read both non-fiction (my bookshelf is weighted down with scholarly books on Celtic and Medieval archaeology as well as tons of folklore, symbology and mythology books) and fiction (LOTs of fantasy novels, some historical fiction (Bernard Cornwell, Morgan Llywelyn), manga, a little chick lit (Sophie Kinsella) and a bunch of Classics (Austen, original gothic novels, Shakespeare)). My fiancee on the other hand will read only non-fiction and works on psychology. I tease him and try to get him to read fiction but he says he doesn’t have the attention span for it. We get along fine though. As long as someone doesn’t try to cram it down my throat, I could not care less what they read.
I read this article this morning and sent it off to my boyfriend, who passionately hates Ayn Rand. He laughed at the article it fully and acknowledged that he never dumped someone for their love of objectivism, but would never have dated them in the first place…thankfully, we both enjoy enough literature in common!
Well I read and collect comic books (along with other books, I’m rereading ‘John Adams’ now), so a deal breaker would be someone who looks down on my weekly stack. Especially if they go gaga over an auther that also writes comics (like Jodi Picoult, who just finished an arc in Wonder Woman).
I read this article this morning and sent it off to my boyfriend, who passionately hates Ayn Rand. He laughed at the article it fully and acknowledged that he never dumped someone for their love of objectivism, but would never have dated them in the first place…thankfully, we both enjoy enough literature in common!
Since reading is usually a solitary pursuit, the other half’s reading completely up to him. And since most people I know aren’t big readers, I’ve been trained not to expect literary insights from most of my friends. Gotta say though, the hubby was a little dismayed when we got married and saw the hundreds of books we move from house to house. That’s been our only “reading” issue.
I was about to be all “I’d never dump anyone over a book, I’d just be happy that they’re reading,” until you put “The Secret” up there. So, yeah, if I was dating someone whose literary tastes marked them out to me as a gullible fool, then I might just have to reconsider the possibility of this relationship having a future.
(And the poser who pretends to like a book they haven’t even read because they think it will impress people might have other problems, but in and of itself I wouldn’t call that a dealbreaker.)
I think I would only have a problem with a literary snob. I personally like everything from Dickens to Dean Koontz. But I can’t stand the people who are “too educated for mass market.” Puh-leeze. Though I’m not gonna lie – seeing a guy read The Secret (or other such fare) would be a serious turn-off.
cimagato, I had they same look when I moved recently and the moving men saw the boxes of books and looked at me like ‘what do you need all these books for’. So sue me, I like biographies, classics, African-American litaure, satire and Harry Potter. If it’s a good deal I’ll buy it.
I’d just be happy that they are reading stuff other than an anthology of Garfield or the new Maxim. “The Secret”? Are you serious? I can just picture Maya Rudolph’s impersonation of Oprah.
I’m not a huge book elitist. Despite my English degree, I’m still a sucker for Jodi Picoult novels (just finished her new one this weekend) and copious amounts of chick lit. That said, I sometimes silently judge people who list “The Da Vinci Code” as their favorite book (although I’ve read that one, too).
Books aren’t really a deal breaker for me. Sometimes I read suggestions from my b/f and sometimes I don’t. The great thing about books is that you read them by yourself. Whether you can talk about each book to each other is where the real test lies.
My husband only likes WWII novels. I don’t know why, but that’s what he likes. I am just happy that he reads something, so that while I read, he’s quiet and not watching TV. I’m not a literary snob by any means (also find Picoult to be harmless, easy entertainment), but self-help does push my limits. Husband knows this, and if he has any such books, they are stored at his office or on CD so he can secretly listen to them in the car when I’m not there. So that’s okay.
I am a huge nerd and love to read but what other people or a potential future boyfriend reads isn’t a big deal to me. And although I agree with others that I would never ever read something because of Oprah’s book club (I’m not a fan of hers) if she gets other’s to read then I’m all for it. But I do love the EW book reviews and because of them I read “The Post-Birthday World” which I absolutely loved and now I’ll be reading “There’s Something About Kevin” as soon as I finish the book I’m reading now. Reading is fun, it’s too bad a lot of people don’t enjoy it.
I once saw a guy reading Mein Kampf on the el. Granted, he looked fairly crazy, but still, I wouldn’t want a potential boyfriend reading that (unless it was for a class or something).
The Secret–yeah, that’d be a deal-breaker.
Other than that, I love a man who reads.
I’m pretty happy as long as they’re reading. Though, I’ll silenty judge a Da Vinci Code fan. That one is just too much too handle.
I’m only snotty about romance novels, which guys don’t tend to read anyway. But the problem I’ve had with guys is the literary snobs who don’t believe they need to bother with female authors, or even books with female lead characters. You know — the ones who take “old dead white guy” too much to heart.
I can be kind of a book snob, but I have matured and no longer try to force everyone to read only what I read. That said, I would never date someone who didn’t appreciate literature from different cultures and/or centuries. Self-help books are a turn-off too. A mutual taste in literature is important to me- my current boyfriend and I both share a love of poetry, world mythology, and anything by Edith Wharton.
I totally identify with the woman in the article who mentioned Ayn Rand’s works. I had something similar with my ex!
Outside of required school reading, I don’t think my husband and I have read any of the same books. He’s into horror and whatever historical fact he’s obsessing over at the moment i.e. the Titanic. I’ve read every Harry Potter more than once, enjoy tween fiction, have read almost all of Patricia Cornwell’s Kay Scarpetta novels and enjoy murder mysteries and Michael Crichton. I think we may have both read The Firm….
If someone I knew read Meg Cabot I would sever all ties with them.
The only deal breaker for me is if the other person made fun of my love of reading the Lord of the Rings every year followed up with Harry Potter. They can read whatever they want, just don’t make fun of my reading tastes.
although i would probably avoid someone into the secret, that’s more of a philosophical difference. other than that, he can read whatever he wants. as long as he doesn’t expect me to read books i don’t like, that is.
I hear ya, Sarah. Besides being a fan of the two series you mentioned, I also heart YA. I said this on a previous post, and I’ll say it again: if a guy doesn’t share my affinity, cool. A little lighthearted teasing is fine. Looking down on me? Deal-breaker.
My husband doesn’t read at all, so that wasn’t a problem for us. Like others who have posted, I will not read any of Oprah’s book club choices, and I make fun of my friends who do.
I broke up with my last girlfriend for many reasons, but near the top was the hardcover, early printing of Kurt Vonnegut’s Breakfast Of Champions that I gave her for X-mas one year which she proceeded to not read, but kept on the bottom of her bookshelf. I knew I was doing the right thing breaking up with her when I took the book back when her back was turned one of the last times I saw her, to this day I doubt she even knows it’s gone. Who, who can truly be so cruel as to ignore the genius of Kurt Vonnegut? Humorist, humanist, delightful cynic…the man was a born relationship maker and breaker for the masses.
My last BF could not get through “The Adventures of Cavalier & Clay” and I thought worse of him because of it. His reading was mostly future/sci-fi crap. The new BF owns both the book and DVD version of “The Secret” which I am activley mocking. He may not last too long. I usually look for a man that can keep up with my magazine reading – EW, of course, as well as US Weekly and Newsweek.
I wish I’d to deal with the literary deal breaker issue. My husband doesn’t read, while I can’t put a book down.
The exception to the Oprah’s book club rule is The Road by Cormac McCarthy. McCarthy trumps Oprah.
And anyone who thinks the DaVinci Code is a good piece of literature loses significant points.
Oh boy, I meant “We Need to Talk About Kevin.” Now I feel silly. Also people mentioned if someone puts you down for reading something as a deal breaker. I completely agree. I won’t judge you so don’t judge me.
Non-reading of Vonnegut is totally a valid reason to break up with someone. Well… maybe not “Slapstick”, but if someone refused to read “Breakfast of Champions,” “Slaughterhouse-Five” or “Cat’s Cradle”, it would be lights out for them. Simple as that.
…and I fall firmly into the “overrated” category for “The Corrections.”