Martha Stewart has acquired Emeril Lagasse’s entire food-based empire for around $50 million. He’ll appear on her show tomorrow to discuss it, but you probably won’t watch it, since you probably have a life. Instead, check out PopWatch’s exclusive (because we made it up) snippet of the segment’s transcript:
Martha: Let’s all welcome my guest, the brand name Emeril Lagasse.
Emeril: Let’s kick it up a notch! Who wants to do hot sauce shots?
Martha: One time I fashioned the cutest little Russian nesting dolls out of hot sauce bottles. It was so easy; I just fired up the urn in my home glassblowing workshop, which should have its own magazine, and settled down on my antique workbench that I carved myself hundreds of years ago out of blackened oak, a virtually extinct virgin timber. I —
Emeril: Huh?
Martha: Matryoshka. That’s how you pronounce it. I’m excellent with languages. My maiden name is Kostyra. I’m glad I don’t use it anymore, because it contains the word "Tyra."
Emeril: What?
Martha: I’m going to buy the rights to all of the words. Oh, I can see it. Martha Stewart Speaking. How delightfully ironic, for a magazine. What’s that smell?
Emeril: That’s my essence.
Martha: My essence.
Emeril: Oh yeah, babe. Spice it up! Pork fat rules!
Martha: I don’t like brand name Emeril Lagasse’s tone.
Emeril: Bam!
Martha: Make it Ma’am!
Emeril: Crest toothpaste!
Martha: How about a piping hot thank you to the brand name Emeril Lagasse, everyone? Good luck to me in the coming business year.
Why do I get the feeling there’s a trainwreck going to happen tomorrow morning?
I don’t give a crap about Martha or Emeril, but this was funny!
I’m kinda starting to feel sorry for Emeril. First, Food network cancels his show (when they should be thanking him for making their network popular in the first place) and then he is “bought” by Martha Stewart?!? Next thing you know, his hometown will be destroyed in a hurricane of something. Oh, wait…
Sorry, Emeril. I used to love your show, and your brand….now, not so much….you caved.
Don’t go crying rivers for Emeril… He made almost 50 million in the sale. And his 11 restaurants weren’t on the table so he still has those.
Hilarious!!! I love this as much as I love Slezak’s Doll recaps… maybe you should rename the site, “imagined conversations for your pleasure…”
Lora…you are sooo right. FoodNetwork kicked him to the curb…and he made that network…I think he will be a great match for madam Martha…sparks will fly!
Thanks, Annie. I laughed out loud. Definitely needed this morning.
So does Emeril come with the deal, or is it all of his nuff without him?
Annie Barrett, you are FUNNY !!!
yueiokjx rmvtgcxnk jscfhkav ilxfupntq surpwye gawzt pacfo
omvcahws wtrxhvf ikuocw cmuon njqteou cbdmiy qyctovn
It’s good! rolex watch?
luxury watch?