Hypothetical: Let’s say a person is in the middle of redoing his bathroom, and he’s been lobbying his husband relentlessly to agree to purple-and-white polka-dot walls. (Controversial, yes, but totally bitchin’.) Now let’s say this person then accidentally stumbles across a gallery of celebrity-autographed toilet-seat appliqués — no, really! It’s here on the This Old House site; I don’t make this stuff up — being auctioned off on eBay next week to benefit the American Cancer Society. Lo and behold, the hotness that is Maksim Chmerkovskiy has lent his John Hancock to one of the items up for bids, but it’s in a "toxic autumn" palette of orange, yellow and green. And while this "toilet tattoo" complements the plum-and-white plan about as well as toothpaste goes with orange juice, let us not forget: Maksim Chmerkovskiy signed it!
So here’s what I need to know: Does our mystery bathroom renovator go ahead and do his part in finding a cure for cancer by bidding on Maksim’s item? And if he does — and thus messes up months of strategic decorative planning — is it grounds for divorce? Or does the charitable nature of the bidding negate all the drama? (Also, which one are you gonna bid on? Don’t say Maksim!) Discuss!
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Oh sweetie. That is definitely grounds for divorce.
(If I were to bid, I’d bid on the one signed by Ne-Yo. I don’t know who he is, but the appliqué fits into my decor scheme best.)
But why would you buy such a fine piece of celebrity memorabilia and then banish it to the smallest room in the house? This is something that needs to be displayed and appreciated. Here’s what you do:
Buy a toilet seat (you can find them remarkably cheap at your local junkyard)
Arrange said seat on a tasteful stand somewhere everyone will be able to appreciate it (say, just inside your front door)
Apply decal and casually imply to anyone who asks that this seat was actually used by Mr. Chmerkovskiy, possibly after a particularly strenuous dance performance
Design your room decor to complement it, et voila! your friends and relations will be astounded by how much class you have
DaisyJ – clearly you have no concept of how much time gay men spend in the bathroom.
Slezak you need help. Buy the seat thingy, but use it for purposes not originally intended – like a place mat.
Maksim is gorgeous, sexy and a fantastic dancer. He’s so charasmatic and I adore his sarcastic sense of humour. I was very disappointed when he didn’t take the disco ball this past year because I really wanted him to win. Having said all that and being a married woman who has relatives and friends that died from cancer and some that are fighting death every day, being such a fan of his, if I had the money to bid I probably would. However, I just don’t get why going gaga over a celebrity is grounds for divorce and even worse if a person is seriously gaga over Maksim and willing to risk their marriage then my guess is that it has nothing whatsoever to do with that hunky charmer. Get a life people. Enjoy him, enjoy the dance and yaaaay for him for putting his name on a very worthy cause.
No, but Slezak if you outbid me on this, it would certainly be grounds for the dismissal of our “friendship.”
Anonymous– I don’t think it’s the celebrity love that’s the grounds for the divorce, it’s the color scheme. And possibly the fact that this thing is a decal for a toilet seat.
Snarf– That is entirely true.
Stick with the purple polka dots, that will be one awesome bathroom! Buy the toilet seat and frame it. And don’t worry, it’s not grounds for divorce. My guy realizes that its only natural to appreciate those perfect specimens out there.
Oh Slezak, don’t you know how many perfectly great marriages have been almost derailed over home decorating projects? Tread carefully. I’m with daisyj and erin – buy it, frame it, make an artistic statement with it, but DON’T screw up the previously agreed-upon bathroom decor.
Gotta agree with daisyj et al, Slezak…go ahead and buy the thing, but don’t install it in the purple polka dot bathroom. That would just be a sin against good decorating (and everyone’s eyeballs).
I’m with Snarf… buy it especially since it is for charity, but don’t use it in the bathroom. I love the idea of purple & white polka-dots on the walls. I have a bathroom in my home that has purple, orange, & green polkadots painted on the walls. I get compliments all the time.
buy what you want…if you get tired of it in 6 months, donate it and don’t look back…life’s too short to worry about your toilet seat…enjoy!
I am beside myself that someone as awesome as Slezak would have the same bathroom color scheme as I do. Though I’m sorry I didn’t think about polka dots before I painted stripes!
I’m going to echo the sentiments of previous posters – no divorce needed. Buy the toilet seat, frame it, and hang it in another room, where it won’t clash quite as dramatically, and will be seen by your thousands of guests.
At least it will already be on the toilet seat. So if the sight of it makes you nauseous, you don’t have far to go.
Slezak – Annie – we’ll want an update with the outcome of the ‘Toilet Seat Cover of Contention”
Are you kidding this is for framing not putting on the toilet seat. I’d buy the un-autographed Toilet Tattoo for decorating my throne.
I’m with doodles – frame it! then you can decorate the bathroom any way you want… and perhaps build an addition devoted to Maksim memorabilia…?
Compromise. Bathroom stays purple. Toilet seat goes into Slezak’s (presumably-TV-obsessive) office. Alternate way to give is found (i.e. Rugby hotness Ben Cohen’s beefcake calendar http://ben-cohen.com/shop-online/75.html?Itemid=41) Slezak and husband rent an erotic massage from Maksim lookalike. Happily ever after.
Hey, it’s all for a good cause. Think of all the lives that might be saved with this purchase. The fact that there are other more tasteful designs means nothing. I’m sure that the Maks autograph alone will save lives–and make up for the fact that Omarosa somehow made the cut. And when did Hal Sparks go 80s metal head on us? Also, is it just me, or does Teena Marie suddenly look a lot like Lorraine Bracco?
Forget the whole toilet seat cover thing! Framing it will not make it art, or anything more than a toilet seat cover in a frame. Slezak, if you want a picture of Maks, just close your eyes. Also, I am completely intrigued by the idea of purple and white polka dots! Please post a picture when it’s done!
hmmm..that’s definitely a tough one! As they say marriage is all about compromise so why not put it in another bathroom? I don’t know. This is definitely a new one for me on the grounds for divorce realm. Which is saying something because I work for http://www.firstwivesworld.com, which is an online community for women navigating through the various stages of divorce and life thereafter, and boy have I heard some stories!
Thanks for the laugh
Ann Marie
This is by far the best blog entry in the history of blog entries.
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