'The L Word' recap: Realism not included!

The_l_word_502_lLet’s start with the text message that greeted me when I got out of bed and turned on my cell phone this morning. The following arrived courtesy of a close friend and lesbian who winces her way through watches The L Word despite what she claims is her better judgment.   

I’m gonna pretend I never saw that ending. It just insults my intelligence.

Look, she has a point. We all know The L Word takes place in the Neighborhood of Make-Believe, but last night, it seemed to enter The Twilight Zone. We can start with Shane. Feel free to correct me if you think I’m wrong, PopWatchers, but don’t you think Shane should have spent the hour, oh, maybe mourning her breakup with Paige and maybe, just maybe, dealing with the fallout from the destruction of her skate shop/hair salon? But that ain’t how Shane rolls. Instead, she shows up to do hair at a wedding (pictured), and half the women in the bridal party—including the bride herself, of course—either make out or have sex with her on the spot? Like I said: Neighborhood of Make-Believe. Not that I’m surprised. I knew we were in for this mess when Shane first entered the ladies’ lair, mostly because it appeared that she had walked into the opening scene from an Emmanuelle movie. If Shane ever decides to rebuild her gutted hair salon, here’s a free suggestion for its new name: Coif ‘N Boff.

Who’s loving Phyllis this season? I could do without the too-obviousU-Hauling jokes and Jane Lynch’s RichardLewis-by-way-of-Paula-Poundstone ensembles—not to mention the namesPhyllis and Joyce—but it’s nice to see Cybill Shepherd actually actingher age again. Phyllis was entirely too much last season, but I’mrooting for her now that Shepherd has toned down theembarrassing antics. Poor, clueless Phyllis fell in lust too quickly,and now she’s looking for a way out of Joyce’s death grip and back intothe dating scene that she’s never really explored. Seems fair to me.How long do you think these two will stick together?

I think Crazy Jenny may have finally met her match last night, andher name isAdele. That’s right: Adele. (What is it with the names on this show?)At first, I thought we were seeing the latest in Max/Moira’snever-ending lineup of mousy potential girlfriends, but once Adelestarted gushing about how Jenny saved her life and why yes, she wouldlove to lick her boots and grovel at her feet, I got to thinking: Yep, Eve Harrington.Which is great news for Crazy Jenny fans, because she needs a swiftkick in the rear from someone who can bring an equal amount of Crazy.And if Tina’s not going to provide it—does nobody else see the hugemissed opportunity for a Krystle/Alexis throwdown between these two?—then maybe Adele is our girl. 

But let’s move along to the scene that I know you really want me totalk about: the prison shower. I…don’t really know where to go withit, to be honest. The apparent message seems to be that the onlyoverweight, scroungy, weathered lesbians in the Neighborhood ofMake-Believe exist inside the walls of its local prison—not, Godforbid, anywhere near The Planet. Truth be told, I kind of loved the entire sequence, it was clearly played for camp value, and it made me laugh out loud. It wasn’t the show’s crowning moment, but let’s be real: As with Shane and the horny wedding harem, you knew it was coming.

Funfacts: Helena and Dusty’s post-shower prison sex was not the first timethat sexual relations have taken place in a prison cell on The L Word.(Bette and a contractor took that prize a few seasons ago.) Also, Ijust did a little research on Lucia Rijker, the newcomer who playsDusty. I’ve since learned that Lucia is a four-time world championkickboxer (ow!) who has been dubbed "The Most Dangerous Woman in theWorld." According to her official website,she is also an "honor graduated student of the University of livinglife." No idea what any of that means, but since I am neither dangerousnor a graduate of any such university, I’ll be refraining from anysnarky comments about Dusty for the remainder of her tenure on theshow. It’s best that way.

Comments (22 total) Add your comment
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  • Tara

    I loved the beginning — nice fresh way to switch up the cold open — where they were mixing and matching all the ladies. Bette and Helena were hilarious.

  • Melissa

    I think the best line of the entire show last night was “I wish my sister could get married everyday” Me and my friends all laughed out loud…The whole shane thing was far fetched but it made for good tv and it was funny…The prison sex scene was hot! The shower scene…not so much…my friends and I were all gagging! People always give the L word crap because they say it is not realistic because all of the women are gorgeous but its just like any other tv show…They aren’t putting ugly people on…I’m sorry I dont want to see ugly people get it on! haha

  • jes

    I am soooo hoping this is just a slow start to the season. I found myself doing way too much eye-rolling and “WHAT”ing last night…but I won’t give up on this show. Ever. I’ll calmly wait for it to pick up. I am NOT loving the whole prison storyline. Ok. Maybe if I actually watched it instead of ff, I’d get it. But I don’t. I’d like to see maybe a potential hookin’ up with Helena and Alice. (sorry AlTash fans ;0)) And although Shane will be Shane, I agree that she fell back into it too easy, too soon. Blech with the wedding party already. Was it Carmen that the bride reminded Shane of? And I like Jodi (and Marlee Matlin) But I’m really looking forward to a Bette and Tina reunion. To me, they are the heart of the show. OOOHhhh…and Crazy Jenny??!? Hate her! (hmmm…not really a fan of not-so-crazy Jenny, either).

  • Melissa

    To answer your question Jes yes, Carmen was who the bride reminded Shane of and in my opinion they were trying to insinuate that is why Shane did not want to sleep with the bride because she knew it would bring up old feelings…thats just my take on it at least…

  • Anton Ashrawi

    “The L Word” is just one more show added to the list of programs future generations can’t believe anyone ever watched. Here are its equals:
    “According to Jim”
    I bet you ten bucks you didn’t even ask for Jim’s opinion to begin with.
    “Sex and the City”
    Personality goes a long way, but it’s also apparently something that self-obsessed rich people don’t have time to bother with.
    Reality shows like “Survivor” and “My Super Sweet 16″.
    “Survivor”: Rumour has it tha when first pitched it was called “Bullies”. “M.S.S.16″: Here’s a show about succumbing to teen peer pressure that managaes to be even more mind-numbing than the actual experience itself.
    “Heroes”: Here’s an idea for a show: Let’s have people with wonderful gifts use them all the time, not to help humanity, mind you, but to show off just how wonderfully gifted they are.
    In a paralell universe with more justice these shows would be cancelled and the writers of grand shows like “Lost” and “Kyle XY” would be justly rewarded.

  • MoroccoMole

    Not for nothing is Adele’s last name “Channing,” since that’s the last name of Bette Davis’s character in “All About Eve.” And the closing sequence of Shane fleeing from the horny wedding ladies works much better if you, like we did at my house, mute the TV and substitute the “Yakkety Sax” music from “The Benny Hill Show.”

  • Nix

    As a man-worshipping gay man I have no use for lesbians except politically, so I do not watch the L word. However I thank you for reminding me that the word I hear as “kwoff” is the same as the word I read as “coif” and that the spelt word is not like the fish.

  • glimmertwins

    Does anyone not realize that “The L Word” is a comedy? This show was conceived, plotted and filmed in The Twilight Zone.
    The award for best L comedienne goes to… Cybill Shepherd. And, BTW, she may be acting her age, but her face sure isn’t.

  • jolie

    Oh no, agree to disagree!! I LOVELOVELOVE that their names are Phyllis and Joyce. Gets me every time, Nicholas! I don’t know what to say about the rest of it… absurd? Absolutely. Totally entertaining? Fer sure!

  • Alexa Myers

    It`s official, in “The L World” universe, heterosexual women do not exist.Even if I was a lesbian, I`d never sleep with someone as skinny and self-involved as Shane.
    As for Jenny Schecter aka Typhoid Mary, her come-uppance is getting nearer.

  • TAYENYC

    This episode was camp, camp, camp and I loved it. So over the top that it looped back around to be normal. I mean Helena is having problems in the joint and the only person who can come and help her out is – Pam Grier. I mean c’mon on, how tongue in cheek can you be. And Kit’s face as she walked down the hallway was priceless. I lol so many times this episode.

  • Nick

    They had to put Shane in her most absurd sex sitch yet so she would see the “error of her ways.” Now she will realize that her thing of inserting herself into every woman in the room is not her ideal life. And she’ll go back to hot single mother. Hopefully. I think I saw this storyline on Queer As Folk. Season 1. Episode 1. BTW.

  • supergrover

    Was the house the wedding was held at the same house that Caleb and Julie Cooper Nichol lived in on The O.C.? If not, it sure was similar – the exterior scenes only, of course.

  • Fan

    I heard that they are having Turkish Oil Wrestling on this show in the near future. talk about CAMP. This episode was the worst of the entire series—why has Jenny gone completely insane? Why did that guy think Max was a man (I mean, come on…) Why did Bette’s sister (can’t even remember her name_) swagger on into the prison like that? Why would Jenny sit next to Tina at the wedding if they hate each other? UGH

  • paige

    why do i still watch this crud?

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