I am assured by reputable sources (I know, against better judgment, Michael Slezak has been upgraded from "waffly" to "reputable") this is actually what’s on the late TV impressario Merv Griffin’s headstone. "I will not be right back after this message."
Which is only marginally better than what was on Buffy Summers’ grave marker: "She saved the world. A lot."
Both of which pale in comparison to what I want on my tombstone: "He crushed his enemies, saw them driven before him, and heard the lamentations of their women. Also, beloved husband and father."