Quick fix for the writer’s strike: Force execs to sit through the arduous two-hour premiere of Dance War: Bruno vs. Carrie Ann, ABC’s latest reality talent show. Scripted TV has never looked so sweet.
Of course, I have to confess: I managed to sleep through the American Idol phenomenon, and have never seen Dancing With the Stars, the hit from which this sugary new confection was spun. That I’m following Dance War for PopWatch is either a case of inspired counterintuitive casting or because no one else on the EW staff raised their hand.
You decide.
So this is what’s happening for the next six weeks: Two big personality judges/choreographers, Bruno Tonioli and Carrie Ann Inaba, recruit a bunch of young performers, divide into two teams, then go head-to-head in a competition. Bruno is a flamboyant little dude with a fey British-Italian accent who resembles a cross between Alan Cumming and Kevin Spacey. Carrie Ann has a savage tan and likes to wears sequined minidresses.
Last night, they tried to play up a rivalry, but didn’t strike a lot of sparks. Occasionally, "host" Drew Lachey, a former Dancing with the Stars champ, turned up looking ill-at-ease and disheveled. He’d crack a lame joke and then call out, "Let’s give it up for Bruno and Carrie Ann!" Not sure what his role will be in the unfolding drama.
They saw scads of acts this week in their visits to New York, Los Angeles, and Nashville. They turned what must have been an ordeal into an ordeal, barraging us with clips of would-be performers would-be performing accompanied by the unfunny repartee of Bruno and Carrie Ann.
Wit. I expected more. Here were the stabs at humor I noted: At the Tennessee State Fair, Carrie Ann tried to milk a cow. Hilarious! And there was the genius comedy of people singing off-key while Bruno mugged despair. Original! Not that there weren’t a few worthwhile contestants.
I’m convinced the outrageously bad singers were plants. In fact,from the few seconds I was allowed to see them, I thought most of theperformers were remarkably accomplished. Also, poised. I imagined theeditors scanning for moments of raw human connection, shame, or deepfeeling and there were virtually none. I liked Quandrell from Buffalo,the cute kid with cornrows whose mother was taking photos. I was surehe’d make the cut, despite weak singing, but he didn’t. Then there wasthe trio of girlfriends from Louisiana. I predicted they’d be separatedas slowly as possible with excruciating reaction shots, and thatstatuesque blond Kelsey would be the gal pal left standing. I was notdisappointed.
As for Kelsey, I now (unfairly) resent her on her friends’ behalves. Strange, how ill will is born.
I have nascent interest in a few other performers. I’m curious aboutdreamy Zack, who is already the golden boy of the crew. Toothy Maxxwith the soul patch — what’s his story? And why does Philip alwayswear that cap I associate with elderly Scottish men?
Sitting through basically an hour and fifty minutes of quick-cuttingmush did make the song-and-dance number at the end surprisinglysatisfying. And when I get to know some of the participants in comingweeks, maybe I’ll engage with Dance War. My first response as a newbieto the genre, however: Bring back The Gong Show.
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a cross between…not across. Not trying to be cute, it just jumped out at me.
Good catch, Aymzer!
I wasn’t sure what to make of that, or what the point of the show is either. I think I can pass, although we need to get Bruno some shirts that button past the navel and jeans that aren’t Carrie Ann’s. A little too much information…
This recap says it all. Dancing With the Stars it ain’t.
I was confused when I watched this mess- what do the participants win exactly? Anything? Or just another shiny, cheap trophy?
I think Zack is going to win, he is hot and charming
It’s a good show but they need to choose better songs because it looked like a bad version of the New Mickey Mouse Club, circa 1992. BTW: Kudos to Bruno for not dissing the size twenty women.
The performance was totally Kids Incorporated (right Whitney Pastorek?). Maybe we’re watching the next Fergie. . .
I only watched a couple of the NYC auditions and it was such a blatant copy of American Idol……”We’re going to Hollywood!!!!!”
Any one have any idea why these people are singing? If it were just the dancing, it would be (a) deliciously cheesy (total rip-off of Idol), but adding the vocals… yeah, whoever said Mickey Mouse Club was dead on.
Honestly…enjoy “Dancing with the Stars” a whole lot, but this was “American Idol”s audition round, with dancing AND “So You think you can dance” with mediocre singing (and dancing that wasn’t as good)…
No wonder I decided to watch two episodes of “The Wire” on DVD instead (I’m almost caught up to season 5…six more to go!
All I can think of when I see that photo is the back cover of Lou Reed’s Transformer.
http://img264.imageshack.us/img264/517/transformer7sg.png
While I think the Kids Incorporated comparison is apt, I automatically thought Up with People, that 70s singing and dancing sensation. Put them in turtlenecks and bell bottoms and I am back at the late 70s Super Bowl half-time shows,
I had fun. Sure, it was as lame as any other reality/talent show, but I liked the kindness in it (as opposed to the evisceration that regularly happens on Idol). I was entertained, I smiled (embrace the cheesy – it makes it much more fun) and I loved watching the process/rehearsals. And it’ll be on for only 6 weeks. Enjoyable fluff.
I thought this show was awful. Really cheesy and forced. I was so bored I kept flipping channels. I love “So You Think You Can Dance” (in my opinion the only great talent competition show) – and this was a sad imitation.
I hope the strike is resolved soon because all this “reality” crap is depressing!
Wow, tough crowd!!!
Now don’t get me wrong – I like cheesy reality tv as much as the next average American couch potato, but this show is just plain old BAD! The season premiere of Dance Wars was exceptional only in its boredom factor. It was flat and charmless, lacking in any semblance of a coherent theme, and even the participants looked like they were struggling to stay awake through the end of the first show. One of the other posters asked what the participants were supposed to win. I say, who cares?? Let’s hope the execs at ABC cancel this turkey, and the sooner the better!
This show is “Fame” for poor people.
Uhm, I thought that I recognized that choreography. It’s “I’m Still Standing (pt.2)”. Tonioli choregraphed Elton John’s video back in 1982.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lK-0wfHutk
My advice: get rid of the singing. Have Tonioli and Inaba get off there arses and dance with their dancers! Get a few judges to decide which was better during that night. Secondly, focus on more technique and creativity.
Well this thread started off nice and polite. Then ‘actingup’ logged in and the sharks smelled blood. I can’t wait for one of you to find something really bad about one of these sweet kids to thrash, trash and bash. I am sure y’all can sing and dance better than any of the kids. (So why aren’t you in there?) Hmmmmmm!!!!!!
BORING!!!! Go back to dancing with the stars. This is going nowhere.
BORING!!!! Go back to dancing with the stars. This is going nowhere.
ok tell me how ABC cancelled BIG SHOTS and lets this go on the air.
i am so sad that maxx went home, his body roll in “arger then life” was sooo hot, the first episode was soo good love it
This show is HORABLE! Someone tell me what’s the point here? They can’t really dance or sing. “So you think you can dance” is a great show, even “American Idol”, at these shows have people with talent. Its a show basically with good looking people who show there hot bods. Lame. Lets hope this is the first and last season here. Apologies to the kids on this show, Bruno & Carrie Ann praise these kids and are defiantly getting their hopes up.
Is there anything else on at 8 o’clock on Mondays? Because I’m not watching this show anymore, and you should do the same.
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