My TV Christmas fantasy goes a little something like this:
I’m in Home Depot perusing new bathroom sinks when–out of nowhere–I’m ambushed by this dark-haired guy with a British accent and a camera crew. He tells me he’s Andrew Dan-Jumbo (pictured, left), host of TLC’s Take Home Handyman, and he offers to remodel my bathroom for free! I feign ignorance (even though I think about the show every time I visit “The HD”) and we hop in his van.
On our way home I ask, “Is it okay if we stop by Whole Foods? I just need to grab something for dinner.” Andrew drops me at the store, I run inside, and while I’m perusing the wine section, I’m stopped by a blond Australian guy with a camera crew. This time it’s Curtis Stone the host of TLC’s Take Home Chef. He asks me if I’m planning a dinner for someone tonight. Again I pretend to have no idea who he is (even though I think about the show every time I’m in “The WF”), give a shy smile and respond, “Why yes I am. For my handyman!” Then Curtis says he’d like to prepare a gourmet meal for us — on his dime!
Cut to my home: I’m sitting in a comfy chair with my feet propped up, drinking a fruity cocktail; Andrew goes to town on my bathroom; Curtis has at in my kitchen. Every now and again, they call me into their respective areas to show me some culinary trick or DIY tip. I act interested. It’s a whirlwind of heavily accented activity!
We take a break to eat the delicious vegetarian meal that includes all of my favorite things (carbs). After the best dessert in the world, I am presented with my brand new state-of-the-art bathroom (something Zen-inspired with a big tub). Also, Andrew tells me, the room magically cleans itself!
But wait, there’s more! Curtis tells me I’m getting a lifetime supply of expensive champagne, and we all drink a toast. Then Andrew surprises me by slyly remodeling my laundry room while I’m not looking! We drink champagne well into the night, sing goofy Christmas carols and…well, you get the idea. Finally, I hear them exclaim as they drive out of sight (that is, if I let them leave) “Merry Christmas to you and have a good rest of your night!”
Tell me I’m not the only one obsessed with Take Home Chef and Take Home Handyman. Or at least make me feel less ridiculous and confess your own TV Christmas fantasy.