All you want for Christmas (TV fantasy-wise) is...

Takehome_lMy TV Christmas fantasy goes a little something like this:

I’m in Home Depot perusing new bathroom sinks when–out of nowhere–I’m ambushed by this dark-haired guy with a British accent and a camera crew. He tells me he’s Andrew Dan-Jumbo (pictured, left), host of TLC’s Take Home Handyman, and he offers to remodel my bathroom for free! I feign ignorance (even though I think about the show every time I visit “The HD”) and we hop in his van.

On our way home I ask, “Is it okay if we stop by Whole Foods? I just need to grab something for dinner.” Andrew drops me at the store, I run inside, and while I’m perusing the wine section, I’m stopped by a blond Australian guy with a camera crew. This time it’s Curtis Stone the host of TLC’s Take Home Chef. He asks me if I’m planning a dinner for someone tonight. Again I pretend to have no idea who he is (even though I think about the show every time I’m in “The WF”), give a shy smile and respond, “Why yes I am. For my handyman!” Then Curtis says he’d like to prepare a gourmet meal for us — on his dime!

Cut to my home: I’m sitting in a comfy chair with my feet propped up, drinking a fruity cocktail; Andrew goes to town on my bathroom; Curtis has at in my kitchen. Every now and again, they call me into their respective areas to show me some culinary trick or DIY tip. I act interested. It’s a whirlwind of heavily accented activity!

We take a break to eat the delicious vegetarian meal that includes all of my favorite things (carbs). After the best dessert in the world, I am presented with my brand new state-of-the-art bathroom (something Zen-inspired with a big tub). Also, Andrew tells me, the room magically cleans itself!

But wait, there’s more! Curtis tells me I’m getting a lifetime supply of expensive champagne, and we all drink a toast. Then Andrew surprises me by slyly remodeling my laundry room while I’m not looking! We drink champagne well into the night, sing goofy Christmas carols and…well, you get the idea. Finally, I hear them exclaim as they drive out of sight (that is, if I let them leave) “Merry Christmas to you and have a good rest of your night!”


Tell me I’m not the only one obsessed with Take Home Chef and Take Home Handyman. Or at least make me feel less ridiculous and confess your own TV Christmas fantasy.

Comments (25 total) Add your comment
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  • Melanie J

    I’ll take any scenario involving Justin and Tommy Walker from Brothers & Sisters…Rob Lowe too! (except being another long lost sister):)

  • whimsey

    The only thing that would top that is if you were at HD on your way from being done over by Stacy and Clinton of WNTW. But I’ll settle for Andrew and Curtis anyday.

  • Bear

    I’m at a pub in the LDN when I notice Simon Cowell at the next table and goad him into critiquing me. I sing my heart out to the chorus of “Jesus Take the Wheel” and Simon’s so impressed he personally advances me to audition in front of the judges in my city of choice. Though I get through, America doesn’t bite, and I’m the first of the 24 home. But Donald Trump so admires my tenacity he requests me for his show’s new season entitled “The Surreal Apprentice” in which I battle for glory against the likes of Wanda Sykes, Brad Garrett, and the guy who cried over our treatment of Britney. Needless to say, I win, and in my first professional maneuver I hire the TV Guide Channel to make me look like Alicia Keys. The End.

  • sarah

    Oh my gosh, when I watch that “Ace of Cakes” show on the Food Network, I want to go to Disneyland with that Geof guy. He’s sooo pretty and funny. And quite a good dresser.

  • mkatti

    Sometimes I want Suzanne and Trinny from the old BBC version of ‘What Not To Wear’ to dash up to me, saying, “No, no! How could you go out in that?” And then they help me. And I look good. And become so self conscious, with the cameras and all, that I don’t touch the Aunt Anne’s pretzels. Weird, until posting this, I had no idea I wanted that.

  • Thad

    Andrew is the perfect guilty pleasure, supreme.

  • PDub

    that Santa brings a back nine order for Journeyman and a renewal for another 13…

  • filo

    Hey, Sarah, you are sooo right. That Geoff guy on Ace of Cakes is too cute! I wonder if he’d come over and decorate a cake sometime?

  • Valerie

    Yeah, Andrew Dan Jumbo can remake my bathroom too ! Cute, funny AND handy… What’s not to love !

  • lunaburning

    Christmas Eve cooking up something hot with Curtis Stone, and Gordon Ramsay. Yow, I love Gordon Ramsay. He’s such a thug, but yet, so cultured. Lord, help me.

  • Molly

    With Dec. 25th looming large, my TV Christmas fantasy is…Paula Deen is cooking Christmas for my 25 guests in my new kitchen…while I relax and greet guests in my great room, which has had a redesign by Decorating Cents…while wearing my new clothes picked out after a session on What Not To Wear, after a fabulous weight loss session from Biggest Loser…all paid for with proceeds from finally selling my carpenter husband’s new construction after the miracle of “Sell My House” has attracted legitimate buyers in an otherwise dead market…Hey, it’s my fantasy!

  • Jean

    I’d go with either Michael Schulson of Pantry Raid or one of the hunks who have been featured on Hot Guys Who Cook.

  • rachel

    be careful what you wish for: ADJ came to our house 2 months ago to film a episode of THH and let’s just say, I have never seen poorer work or materials used in a kitchen. it started falling apart about 2 weeks later and that was AFTER they came to finish the job (at my request, they were leaving the parts that weren’t seen on camera in our tiny kitchen undone). And really, they don’t surprise you!

  • BrandonK

    For a second I thought you wrote that Andrew went to town IN your bathroom, and I thought maybe this article was about to veer in a completely new direction! LOL

  • Carrie

    Tim Gunn helps me by a whole new wardrobe.

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