Nothing gets me more excited for Christmas than cheesy seasonal pop hits from the mid-to-late 90′s. I wish I was kidding. But play N’Sync’s ”Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays” and you’ll see — I immediately morph into a ball of good cheer. While listening to the overtly corny single this morning, however, it occurred to me I’d never seen the accompanying music video, so I hopped over to AOL Music in order to remedy the situation.
We open with Santa, who received the gift of heartburn and indigestion for Christmas this year. He’s also feverish. A tiny person (or hallucination) dressed in a horrendous green rubberized/vinyl suit and matching hat whines: ”Santa, you gotttta deliver the presents!” Santa groans and rubs his belly like he’s about to deliver a child. Christmas is canceled, or so claims the poorly dressed elf, who actually looks and sounds a lot like Gary Coleman.
Wait.
Back up.
That elf IS Gary Coleman.
And it just gets worse from there. So let’s play a game. Everyone who’s reading this post needs to go to the comments section and list one thing that’s wrong with the "Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays" video. To raise the stakes, try not to pick anything that your fellow readers have already mentioned. But not to worry, there’s plenty of heinousness to go around. Ready, set, go!
#1 That Lance is dressed the most hetero of all.
That Gary Coleman is in this at all.
The lime green pleather outfit that Gary Coleman is wearing, OMG!
JC was wearing ski goggles as an accessory to his Santa hat. Joey was wearing…swim goggles??? What were those?
Lace Bass sexy-dancing with a girl. A GIRL? C’mon, Lance.
That we actually watched the whole thing.
The sleigh going sideways across the Brooklyn bridge.
The sleigh going sideways across the Brooklyn bridge.
I hate that really cheap looking projector in the background that sends holiday greetings in various languages.
That their “singing”
The horrible hairstyles on everyone, especially the woman with two little pigtails on top.
But I would like to add that even while watching that video the song made me want to go hug everyone and have a big sing-along.
That I thought, when reading this post, that you were referring to Gary Cole, of Brady Bunch Movie fame. I think I had too much egg nog this morning.
That the ‘homeless people’ are wearing perfectly coordinated ‘homeless’ outfits with perfect ‘homeless’ smudges of dirt on their faces.
That I now know what Justin looked like before he got his sexy. Hell, who am I kidding-the whole thing was awful. “What you talkin bout Gary?!”
Chris Kirpatrick “raising the roof” and that the guys are in ski parkas but the girls have booty shorts on.