Hear that? It’s the sound of chimes. The chimes of doom. A twister is scheduled to hit Wisteria Lane this Sunday, in what ABC is touting as Desperate Housewives’ Best. Episode. Of. The. Year. (A euphemism for: Last. Episode. Due. To. The. Strike.) When storm clouds settle over the abnormally sunny suburbia, I can’t help but wonder if a major character will kick the bucket. Natural disaster doesn’t always spell character death, but Lynette’s Oscar-worthy shriek in last week’s preview wasn’t because her beloved pizzeria came tumbling down, I’d bet that much.
So when the dust settles and the gay neighbors’ lawn ornament ends up where it belongs (on an island with Jack, Kate, and Sawyer), who do you predict will be lying amidst the rubble? Could it be Tom Scavo (played by Doug Savant, pictured, left)? The entrepreneur has been mysteriously absent for much of this season, perhaps in his quest to care for other illegitimate children. Or create the perfect pizza pie. The guilt trip he laid on his cancer-ridden wife earlier this season left a bad taste in my mouth, but I hope he finds a storm cellar before the twister touch down. Lynette’s dealt with enough grief this season. Her cancer. Her mother. Those pesky possums. Could the cyclone be the answer to Gaby’s prayers, silencing Victor before she gets the chance to serve him shots of tequila and cyanide? Or will the shocking twists have nothing to do with tornados? Might Carlos (Ricardo Chavira, right) die in a confrontation with Gaby’s betrothed, a violent axe ‘mayor’er? Anyone predicting a Mike Delfino drug-overdose? A fatherless baby boy Benjamin? A Susan miscarriage? For whom will the bell toll? (And hey, let’s keep any commentary to predictions only, not the insider scoop. Watching The Perfect Storm isn’t exactly easy when you know how it’s gonna end.)