nut guard
noun
The credit on an actor’s resume that is so beloved it stops fans from wanting to actually kick him where it hurts after sitting through his latest stinker.
[Origin: After seeing Fred Claus, Mandi told her friend Karen that she wanted to kick Vince Vaughn in the nuts. Karen said, “No, you can’t. He’s got a nut guard because of Swingers.”]
Which other actors have a nut guard?
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I hate to say this Cuba Gooding…for Jerry McGuire
I kind of disagree with the Cuba one, but I would venture Brad Pitt (for 12 Monkeys or even True Romance).
Brad Pitt again, “Fight Club”.
Hilary Swank: “Boys Don’t Cry”.
Ben Affleck has two newly-acquired, fourth-quarter nut guards: “Hollywoodland” and “Gone Baby Gone”. And he needed them.
Oliver Stone with Platoon, and it’s getting smaller every year
- Mel Gibson had one for Lethal Weapon until his crazy sugar t#@ts tirade.
- Tom Hanks has one for Saving Private Ryan and Apollo 13.
Yeah but I would almost credit Brad with an anti-nut-guard (nut exposer? nut proffer?) for Legends of the Fall.
Jude Law – I Heart Huckabees
Leonardo DiCaprio – What’s Eating Gilbert Grape
Tom Hanks – Philadelphia & Apollo 13
Ones who have lost the right to any nut guards,ever:
Mel Gibson
Tom Cruise
Hugh Jackman (Van Helsing) has a nutguard via XMen.
The first half of Robin Williams’ career is one big guard against his last umpteen movies.
100% guaranteed, non-revocable nut guards for life: The cast of “Entourage” This includes, but is not limited to “Drive Me Crazy” and “PCU”
Directors get nut guards too. Cameron Crowe didn’t get nailed in the man-varies after Elizabethtown thanks to Almost Famous
Stephen Baldwin in “The Usual Suspects.”
Honestly, has there ever been another actor who has been in ONE movie that was SO good, surrounded by credits taht are absolute garbage?
Then again, I love “Usual Suspects” so I think anyone in that cast (as well as the cast of “Six Feet Under”) has a lifetime nutguard in my mind.
Keanu Reeves has one, thanks to the first Matrix movie, because the last two were crap!
Not to mention Angelina Jolie (well, it would be a different kind of guard now wouldn’t it???) for Girl Interrupted. I almost revoked it after I saw Life or Something Like It!
in the female category- lindsay lohan because of mean girls…
in the male category- cuba gooding jr. because of jerry maguire…
Beg to differ: Piven has a nutguard thanks to ‘Grosse Pointe Blank’ that has protected him from the nutkicking he deserves for ‘Entourage.’
For me, Ben Affleck’s nut guard will always be “Chasing Amy.” But I agree with Cara that he’s earned a couple more lately.
Jim Carrey: The Truman Show, Dumb & Dumber (for the Grinch)
Mike Myers: Austin Powers, Wayne’s World (for Cat in the Hat)
No way. Cuba Gooding’s nut guard(and Oscar) were rendered useless a long time ago. Daddy Day Camp anyone? Not to mention the Hanes commercials. Tom cruise would need a really big nut guard, since he is a nut.
Tom Cruise for “Top Gun” and he has had some other good films as well despite how many people dislike him
Sarah Michelle Gellar has one for Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
And it’s powerful, just think: The Return, Scooby-Doo 1 & 2 and Simply Irresistible. Plus, the straight-to-DVD Suburban Girl is going to be more of the same.
Nicholas Cage — “Adaptation”
Matthew Broderick — “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”
James Spader has a nut guard for simply being James Spader (even though he’s made some total crap movies)
The cast of Arrested Development will forever be in my good graces. Also, I choose to remember Bateman from Silver Spoons, Hogan Family, and AD. All those failed sitcoms are just illusions.
Billy Bob Thornton, who cranks out turd after inexplicable turd, will forever have immunity because of “Sling Blade” and “A Simple Plan”.
I’ll disagree with Bruce in NC and say that Hugh Jackman’s nutguard is actually provided by The Prestige.
Nicholas Cage still gets a pass from me because of Raising Arizona, no matter how many crappy movies he makes or crappy hair plugs he gets.
Adrian Brody has a nutguard for THE PIANIST.
Cary Elwes got his from Princess Bride.
Angelina has had hers since Gia
Bruce Willis: Die Hard (and he is Bruce Willis)
There are few women with nut guards, I think. Is that cuz they dont really need one, or cuz we are harder on them? hmmm….
And Ben Stiller has one for Zoolander, There’s Something About Mary, Meet the Parents and the cameo that he made in Anchorman. He’s lucky that he’s at least made a few good movies. I think that he’s the one actor in Hollywood who needs nut guard the most!
Matt Damon has a nutguard for Good Will Hunting and the Bourne Trilogy. His jewels are protected from my steel toed boot, even after I paid $8 to see “All the Pretty Horses.”
Had I run into George Clooney post-”Batman and Robin” but pre-”O Brother Where Art Thou,” he would have lost his ability to have children. However, he will forever be protected thanks to that Coen Brothers classic.