That’s Jennie Garth, wondering if she’s about to get eaten or Mickey-macked-on during last night’s Dancing With the Stars (obligatory Disney plug of the week). I’ve actually always felt bad for Disney characters. How can they make out with anyone if their mouths can’t move? What if they’re really in love? It’s embarrassing. 
Anyway, time to play "Beat This Caption." On your mark, get set…
"Mmm…extra cheese."
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Didn’t he learn anything from Tigger’s legal troubles?
Hey. Osmand! I see your family and raise you MICKEY!!
Mickey: Psst, me and Minnie are splitsville.
Kelly: Oh, Mickey, you so crazy!
Sure, it feels good now. But you’re gonna have a biiiiiig hickey in the morning.
Wait, this one’s better:
“Psst, I’m not wearing any pants.”
To maintain his eternal youth, every five years the mouse-demon must drain the blood of a freshly harvested former celebrity.
“Hey! I am a mouse and “Beverly Hills 90210″ was a hunk of cheese. I am just saying. BTW: I’m not wearing pants.”
“You has a flavor.”
Jennie is so pretty. I wish she would move here so I could befriend her and we could go for coffee, then when Derek came to visit he could teach me to dance! Go Jennie!
“Well, this beats the heck out of kissing Luke Perry and at least this guy’s got a job.”
“Oh, what I’d do to you if I had a tongue.”
Ms. Barrett, I hate to take this to the gutter, but it’s impossible to go on without taking your theory to it’s ultimate conclusion:
Much as it would stink to be a Disney character unable to make out due to a lack of tongue, it would be even worse if they could kiss. After all, the Disney characters all lack the appropriate um “anatomy” to take their kissing any further.
With that in mind, my caption is:
“well, at least he has a big NOSE”
Man, Shannon Doherty really let herself go, huh? At least she showed up for the 90210 reunion!
Kelly Taylor: “I’ve had every other guy in Beverly Hills and the L.A. area so why not a giant mouse?”
Donna Martin: “This is why I kept my virginity.”
RE: Disney characters all lack the appropriate um “anatomy”
Have you been looking down Mickey’s trousers? No wonder they kicked you out of Epcot.
“Behind the curtain, Willard watches his insidious plan unfold.”
“This is seriously not how I thought heaven was going to be like”
A hickey from the Mickey is like a Hallmark card: “When you care enough to give the very best!”
Yeah, totally stolen from Grease.
Jennie: Ever heard of breath mints?
Mickey: Of course! I love the ’stinky cheese’ brand particularly.
Well clearly the male Disney characters all have big feet which would explain their “nose” size. EP you made an excellent point. LMAO!
Oooh, my Steamboat Willie is feeling a bit goofy…
That’s not Goofy.
“This had better get my kid a free trip to Disney World.”
“Hey Jenny, if you dump Peter then I’ll take you on a trip to Fantasia!”
Wait. I just realized it. She has a Peter, now she has a hickey from Mickey?
“You know you’re not the producer’s favorite when Maks gets the Spice Girls and I get Mickey Mouse and Richard Simmons.”
“Yes…Kathie Lee is gonna taste juuust like chicken.” (Sorry, but it does kind of look like her from that angle)
Jennie Garth, shown here visiting Derek at his weekend job.
or
Mickey Mouse, all the cheeriness of Derek sans the blond highlights.
Mickey. Hungry.
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This is how the bubonic plague spread.