Every season on The Bachelor, there’s one moment guaranteed to make me want to vomit. Okay, that happens eight times an episode, but seriously, I can always taste the bile when the bachelor dumps the runner-up, tries to coax her into sharing how heartbroken she’s feeling (loud enough for the cameras, please), puts her in a limo, and then prepares to get down on one knee and propose marriage to another woman. How is it the "lucky" bachelorette can accept such an offer when some other broad’s tears haven’t yet evaporated off the bachelor’s shoulder?
Last night, though, on the season finale of The Bachelor: Bar Owner and a Texas Millionaire, Brad pulled a fast one. (Click here to read Bachelor producer Mike Fleiss’ take on the brouhaha.) Brad went to Chopard and "bought" a ring (on ABC’s Master Card, perhaps?). He flashed his abs one last time while putting on his crisp white shirt. He stood before Jenni (right) and told her how from the moment he met her, he was taken aback by her gummy "beautiful smile." And then he kicked her to the curb, told her how much he (!) was hurting, and sent her away. Maybe she wore one too many strapless, elastic-top, baby-doll dresses. Maybe it was the way she sobbed uncontrollably while giving her desperate declaration of love: "I just need you to know that I would do whatever it takes — whatever it takes — to make you happy and to make this work." Maybe it was her failure to make a homemade lasagna or a promise that she’d move directly to Texas — without passing go and without spending another season as a Phoenix Suns dancer — that caused Brad to reject her. Whatever the reason, Jenni was history, like the Dead-Sea Scrolls. I just wish she hadn’t been so damn gracious and told Brad she hoped he’d end up truly happy.
Enter, DeAnna (left), clad in a tragically unflattering gold baby-doll dress,led to her fate on the arm by smarmy hostbot Chris Harrison. And therewas Brad, declaring how "marriage is one time and one time only," andthen suddenly, stepping away from DeAnna, circling like anuncomfortable cat trying to fluff up its bedding, rubbing his handstogether, and delivering this whopper of a monologue: "I want so badlyto be so confident. To pick you up and twirl you around and give you adiamond ring and spend my life with you. But I can’t look you in theeye and tell you that I love you. I can’t. I can’t give you any promisethat I can’t keep. I refuse to do that. I have to tell you goodye."BAM! Brad’s twin brother Chad would not be gaining asister-in-law/employee bartender after all. Maybe it was DeAnna’sfailure to let a dripping wet Brad hug her after his brothers tossedhim in a pool. Maybe Brad was disturbed by the way DeAnna’s eyelashesbatted at the speed of a hummingbird’s wings every time they were alonetogether. Maybe it was DeAnna’s totally ferocious declaration that ifthey ended up together, she was going to want "the dishes put where Iwant. The laundry done the way I want." (Side note: This is a totallyreasonable request, even if my husband would vehemently argueotherwise.) It was a doozy of a moment, yes, but oddly underwhelming from adramatic standpoint. Brad’s blank expression, his inability toarticulate his thoughts, and especially his unrelenting determinationto follow ABC’s rules and try to get DeAnna to burst into tears allmade the whole experience feel oddly inorganic.
The best partof the night was seeing DeAnna reject her role as fawning patsy. WhenBrad turned to her and pleaded, "Do you know how much I care aboutyou?," Deanna’s response — "No, I don’t." — felt genuine, andgenuinely refreshing. I mean, imagine you’re expecting an engagementring, you get a big old boot — on national television? Are you reallygoing to smile and hug the dude and wish him every happiness? Or areyou going to place your hand on your hip, cock your head to one side,and offer up a bellowing, "Aw hell no!"? Okay, so DeAnna wasprobably under contractual obligation to exit the building hand-in-handwith Brad, but at least she never doubted her own fabulousness duringher exit interview, leaving Brad to stand there, confused, asking"You’re closing me out here, aren’t you?" Um, yeah, Sherlock.
Unfortunately,though, Brad’s shocking anti-decision, and his complete lack ofexplanation for breaking up with both women, means that I’ll be forcedto tune in to ABC again tonight, for The Bachelor: After the FinalRose. And in a way, it makes me a lot like Brad, since I’ll be goingthrough not one, but two, painful breakups.
What did you thinkof the episode? Did you see the twist coming from a mile away or was ita total shocker to you? And how do you think Brad will explain himselftonight?
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Yep – shocker. But I was more so just peaved that I had stayed up to watch the end and now I have to stay up AGAIN to see why he did that since he offerred NO explanation what-so-ever. Arrgh.
Funny recap. The strangest part of last night for me was when Brad kept readjusting his tie. I thought he was having breathing problems.
I can appreciate the fact that he realized neither one was right for him, but he was much harsher to Deanna.
I was shocked, but pleasantly so. That was awfully decent of him – wasn’t madly in love with either (and how could you be after what? A month?) and instead of faking it and breaking up 3 weeks after the reunion, he didn’t propose. Liked this Bachelor quite a bit (especially with his family – I almost fell in love with them). That said, I’d picked DeAnna to “win” since the first episode and loved her reaction. Way to go being a strong woman and calling Brad on his cr*p! She needs someone way less milquetoast and is better off. Love her. They should ask her to be the next Bachelorette.
I thought he might do the “can’t propose to you now but let’s get together and see where it goes” with DeAnna.
She should have jumped into the pool with the rest of the family. Then she would have gotten the ring. Duh.
She should have jumped into the pool with the rest of the family. Then she would have gotten the ring. Duh.
i also didn’t think he had any intention of proposing. i thought his whole speech to deanna was leading to telling her they should see where it would go after the show. i didn’t think he would blow them both off.
Sle, great recap! Funny, but the network kept hinting that they’d give us a surprise ending. Based on my watching the first 30 minutes of the episode, it seemed to me like he’d go with “both” somehow or with “none”.
Now that I know how it ended, this tv watch is making me wish I’d stuck around a little bit later.
On the other hand, a shift into December means Idol’s back around the corner, and that means Sle’s going to be doing Idolatry again. Woo hoo! I’ve missed that mini show almost as much as Idol itself. Bring it on!
He actually said he was “taken back” not “aback”- MORON (Brad, not Slezak!). I don’t know if Brad understood that he didn’t actually HAVE to propose to one of them. He could’ve just kept Deanna around to see if things developed. I really think he thought he had to marry one or none. It was weird how he led her on, though. He was totally upbeat and the looked/sounded like he was going to keep her. As soon as he said Jenni’s name- poof- he changed and then he freaked out. I thought he was going to ask them to bring Jenni back and get rid of Deanna. I’m glad Deanna stuck it to him, too. I can’t wait to watch tonight. I hope she b*tch slaps the jerk!
Every week when I (for God knows what reason) tuned in I’d sit and tell my roommates how stupid the show was and how the only way to “legitimize” it was for him to not pick either girl in the end. End the charade already. If it ain’t right, and you’re going to break up three weeks later anyway, why not? From his standpoint, it’s a great “move” because he’s going to get more publicity than any Bachelor before him. It’s also good for the show and adds some excitement to the otherwise banal pattern they follow (and, once again, I still watch this show religiously… why why why?!) Anyway, I’m really curious if it was Brad’s idea or ABC’s… did he tell them he didn’t want either or was this planned from the start? Ahhh the mystery….
To Ep Sato: Ha ha! That would have been hilarious if he’d proposed to both women.
Now you already done knowed that he ain’t one for book-larnin’.
I think ABC should either end this show or have the producers redo the whole format. I can’t believe how this show can cause me to really despise people I liked at the beginning of the show – Bachlorette Jen, Bachelor Bob, and now Brad. I guess I understand people who feel that Brad told the truth at the end, unfortunately, I think the producers should have allowed him to end things sooner. Now, this show has become about watching people hurt each other for sport.
I liked this ending best. Everyone gets their 15 minutes of “fame” and then walks away. No one has to pretend to be engaged for an audience who stops caring the minute we turn off the TV.
Thanks for the recaps-so much easier (and amusing)than having to watch the show.
DeAnna and Jenni – next time if your looking for a real man in a reality show, Join the “Beauty and the Geeks”. Where the real man are!!
DeAnna and Jenni – next time if your looking for a real man in a reality show, Join the “Beauty and the Geeks”. Where the real man are!!
I dont watch this show. Never had and I dont think I ever will finding it along the lines of the insult reality shows. The only ones that I find ever semi-bareable are the orginials on main network tv (Survivor, Big Brother, Amazing Race) and on occassion the true forerunners (Road Rules and Real World). However this is about time in my opinion that eitehr the Bachelor, or even BOTH women reject him in that final rose ceremony.
Ireally think that as others said that this is going to give him more bang for his buck in keeping him in the spot light. And sadly just him. I suspect both women will not get the same time.
It seemed like he was going to pick DeAnna up to the point when he said what he did about Jenni and then all of a sudden he wasn’t sure that he had made the right choice.
I was actually hoping that the girl he picked would wind up telling him she just wanted “to be friends”. Maybe next trip.
okay wait a minute – The review is a woman?????!!! All these years, I never knew that.
Actually, as surprised as I was (I thought he would pick Jenni, although he should have picked DeAanna instead), I believe he was being totally honest with himself; I guess he was so torn between the two girls he decided to spare them both. It takes guts to do what he did, and I am glad he was decent enough not to feed these women false hopes, and marriage proposals that meant nothing. Something tells me that he actually wants Jenni, that he is in love with her, but that he is getting some pressure from his family, intended or unintended, and that he feels he SHOULD go with DeAnna, but he has stronger feelings for Jenni. He seems like a nice enough chap and he will find the true one at some point. Maybe he just did.
I think that Trista that was the only person who found the perfect person on this show. Other than that, it’s clear that the show is all about being on a show, getting paid, and eventually getting noticed by a talent agency. Besides, that puppy bedded two ladies in one day? If I was on that show, I would have left already.
I was totally not surprised by the ending. He acted the whole time like he was on a soap opera. He was not looking for love he was looking for an acting gig!!! My bets are he is going to open a bar in L.A or start going on acting auditions!!!!
I hated the fact that he told DeAnna “I just said goodbye to Jenni.” That did give her false hope that he was going to pick her.
Slezak is a woman?!!??!
slezak is a man, not a woman. men can have husbands, too. just sayin.
No. Michael Slezak – the reviewer – is a man. He just happens to be a gay man with a husband. I assume the “my husband” comment is what threw you off with the gender thing? Thought I’d clarify that for ya!
I always thought this review was written by a man, too. But it’s worth noting that just b/c the reviewer has a husband doesn’t mean the reviewer is a woman.
Rachel- M. Slezack is a fantastically witty gay fellow. Entertainment’s Oscar Wilde?
It’ll all shake out. I can’t help but think he didn’t want to hurt anyone so he chose no one. I felt so bad for Deanna as she stood on that platform while he paced around. Kudos to her for calling his bluff on his feelings even though he couldn’t provide her with any answer. I hope she gets up and walks out on him at some point in tonight’s ATFR show.
somehow this show always sucks me in…everytime! Of course, I’ll have to watch tonight too. I guess I just don’t understand why he couldn’t pick one of the girls to date and get to know better. Previous Bachelors have done that. Internet rumor is that he has an ex girlfriend who is either pregnant or he has a child with already. He wants to get back together with her. If he wants to be an actor, I think he should go for it. I certainly believed him when he said how much he liked Deanna and Jenny prior to last night…