'The Bachelor': That sound you hear is the women's movement flatlining

Bachelor_lAnyone who wonders why I loathe "Women Tell All" night of The Bachelor need look no further than the opening 10 minutes of yesterday’s episode: There we had host Chris Harrison waxing poetic about what an "amazing journey" and "real-life love story" we’ve seen during season 11, then cutting directly to clips of Hillary saying McCarten "smells like a fish taco" and comparing divorcee Bettina to a used car. It didn’t help matters that imbecilic Hillary waved off weeks of shrewish behavior by completely misinterpreting the meaning of the word "witty." ("I just say witty things. Like, I don’t mean it to be harmful," she giggled, eyes burning with nothingness.)

I realize it’s hypocritical of me to rail against the cattiness, competitiveness and self-loathing that are the keys to the "Women Tell All" show, because, really, that’s the same currency that fuels every other episode of The Bachelor. And yet, somehow, it’s worse. Perhaps it’s the live studio audience that applauds after every highlight reel ends with a woman sobbing in the back of a limo. Or, more likely, it’s because the episode doesn’t limit screen time for smarmy Harrison, instead setting him loose for a full hour to try to cajole tears and insults from the season’s most notorious rejects. That said, last night did contain a few bright spots and comic highlights:

* I loved Bettina’s unsubtle dig at Brad — saying the perfect Bachelorshould be "hot and well-educated" — not because I agreed with herfamily’s assessment that Brad’s lack of a college degree was a fatalflaw, but because her bitterness was a refreshing change from the"Thank you for dumping me!" attitude favored by most women on thisshow. Just as funny was the way the studio audience gasped (GASPED!)when Bettina said she was "a little turned off by Brad" during herhometown visit. Did she not get Chris’s memo that Brad is "our sexiestbachelor ever"? I mean, what did Brad ever do to her, aside fromspending a night with her in a hotel suite, then breaking up with heron national television two days later? Where’s her gratitude? Doesn’tshe know the meaning of propriety?

* I don’t know how many women Harrison has met in his life, but I’mguessing it’s fewer than 10, based on his assessment that Sheena’sone-on-one date with Brad "has to be every woman’s dream." Ladies,raise your hands if you’ve fantasized about going on a date with a manwho is simultaneously dating at least five other women. Okay, no? Well,what if we threw in some diamond earrings in a moment of sweet,romantic product-placement? Did I mention the dude gets to dress youlike a human Barbie, even though it’s your first date and he barelyknows anything about you?

* Finally, I know that in an earlier episode,the producers had already juxtaposed Solisa’s Penthouse video audition(or something of that nature) with her comments about having "verystrong morals and beliefs," but playing that additional comment abouther being "a little bit shy" while she dropped her booty right down toher spike heels was a moment of great, beautiful irony.

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  • Muggsy

    I wish that Chris would have come right out and told McCarten that she was quite b*T*hy. You could tell he was trying not to say it…

  • Gorf

    Even though Bettina is somewhat of an ice queen, she actually does seem to be the only normal real girl on the show. Instead of acting fake, she held her emotions together. Hillary is so in love with herself, it’s gross. When she talks about what she wanted Brad to do to her, I wanted to throw up in a bag and hand it to her.

  • Ms Daisy

    Just consider the type of woman that would use a reality tv show to “find true love”…yeah, right. What else do you expect from women who just want their 15 minutes of fame? Heaven forbid that they should actually contribute something positive to society.

  • mg

    Did anyone notice how much Brad’s brother blushed when he was telling Sheena she is a ‘true lady’? As in, “I totally have a crush on you”, liked her. The whole show creeped me out last night. Those girls have serious issues and they’re all a bunch of petty spoiled brats with no substance. Usually, there are one or two decent ones, but not this time.

  • nikilynn

    Back off Chris Harrison. He is awesome!

  • A.S.

    I never bother watching the “Women Tell All” special because I find it boring and pointless, which is why I’m SO GLAD I have you, Slezak, to keep me updated and laughing while at work. (Mind if I call you “Sleazy” for short?)

  • canpov

    I actually LIKE the WTA episodes. Its the only one that feels like the women aren’t trying to impress the bachelor. Yes, most of them look like idiots, but then again they did on the show too. Wasn’t sure why they had the abulance girl there – I don’t think they talked to her once.

  • tvjunky

    On the show Bettina stated she was taught to “Play hard to get” my advice is don’t “Play” anyone just be yourself and happiness will come to you.
    Bettina is sour grapes, and hopefully the show helped her learn more about herself. Brad was a gentleman and conveyed his message very well to her. I feel for her, that her Dad stated she will never find anyone as good as her Ex-husband, that was a terrible thing to say….

  • Kitty

    Interesting comment from Justabradfan. After watching last night’s show, I decided he didn’t/won’t choose either. He sounded too defensive last night…

  • Arden

    ….and just when we thought it was all over, we were treated to “The Jenni Show — Hotel Room Edition” Just in case we forgot she likes to dance, dance, dance! Thought that was a little ominous, especially when she giggled “Bye!”

  • CG

    Don’t watch any of these shows. Very sad to watch woman degrading themselves to win over a person they don’t even know. Sad, sad, sad.

  • Chloe

    Seems like Hilary continues to live in a dreamworld. Basically the entire WTA show was focused on her and how much of a fool she made out of her self. She seems to be a bit mentally unstable. I was bummed that the brother was married as he and Sheena would be cute together!

  • Stef

    “eyes burning with nothingness” made me laugh. I don’t watch the Bachelor but I do read the Slezak recaps!

  • Lene

    I watch The Bachelor and I’m (almost) not ashamed to admit it. But I can’t watch the WTA show. Just can’t. I’ve tried and get a severe case of terminal embarassment. Thanks for watching it for me, Slezak!

  • Renee

    Let’s face it – most of these women are are bunch of tramps trying to get their 15 minutes of fame in the hopes of getting into show business. I can’t believe anyone would be stupid enough to go on that show looking for “true love.” (except for Trista, who apparently found it).

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