Tom Cruise's 'Valkyrie' looks kinda awful

Tom Cruise’s latest flick, Valkyrie, is set in Nazi Germany, and it’s not a comedy, so why does its new trailer (embedded below, or streaming in a higher-quality clip at Yahoo) leave me snickering? Is it the eye patch? Or the way the lightning crashes as Cruise declares "We have to kill Hitler" in his Serious Thespian Voice? Maybe it’s that awful line, "When the S.S. catch you, they will pull you apart like warm bread." (Mission: Carbs!) Or maybe I can no longer separate the tabloid staple from the actor. Whatever the case may be, I’m kind of wondering — especially in the face of Lions for Lambs bombing this weekend — how many other folks share my inability to take Tom Cruise seriously anymore?

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  • Jane

    Is it just me, or was the “warm bread” pronouncement made by Eddie Izzard? I don’t think I can take a movie seriously where Eddie Izzard is playing a Nazi, regardless of how bad Tom Cruise’s acting is.

  • Julie

    Yeah I can’t take Tom seriously anymore either. It is a combination of Xenu, Robot Katie and the eyepatch.

  • Larry

    It just looks boring. The acting looks fine, but there isn’t one thing about this trailer that grips me which is unfortunate because when I heard about this film it sounded so intriguing.

  • Aurelian

    Uh…obviously I will be the minority, but I thought it looks really good. Better than most of the offerings I’ve seen recently…

  • brant

    I can’t help but interpret Slezak’s comments as being based on the premise that we should evaluate actors and movies primarily based on their trailers, and the box office success of other films starring those actors? This is why bloggers-for-hire rank just above comment posters in the journalism credibility hierarchy.

  • Snarf

    Serious Thespian Voice. Snort.

  • Mariane

    I think I saw the whole movie just now on YouTube. What else do I need to know except the ending? Thanks for saving me the time.

  • Nathan

    I really like the story, but it looks as though this movie has been Hollywood-ized too much. I don’t expect Valkyrie to be all that great unfortunately, though it really should have been.

  • AA

    Ummm, people took Tom Cruise seriously??? Really???

  • Mike

    The last movie of Cruise’s I liked was Magnolia. Valkyrie does look silly. I’d always heard the plot to kill Hitler was more of a power grab than a noble effort to save Europe.
    I don’t know if Lions For Lambs is a good movie or not. But, the majority of Americans are very tired of the Middle East wars. The last thing they want to do is see a movie about them.

  • Catherine

    It’s the eyepatch and the pompadour. The airplanes look cool, anyway.

  • Sally

    Tom should return to light comedy. This trailer makes him look silly. He doesn’t even have a German accent….if this was made in the 1940s or 1950s, it would be okay, but today people want to hear authentic accents.

  • Katie V.

    Actually, many years ago, Tom Cruise really did show potential as a serious dramatic actor. Remember “Born on the 4th of July?” He was amazing in it, and missed winning the Oscar because another disabled character won (Daniel Day Lewis for “My Left Foot,” which was even amazing-er, IMO). No, I really can’t take him seriously anymore.

  • Mike

    Bryan Singer behind the camera makes me give this the benefit of the doubt.

  • Cara

    I am fully prepared to be the minority here, but I’ve recently developed a complex about Tom-Cruse-bashing. I can’t stand it. Yes, I know the guy’s got a few screws loose, but the way I see it, that is NOT a justifiable reason to crucify him. What are his crimes, anyway? Being a Scientologist? Yes, I get it, that’s weird, but P.S., this is America, and we have this thing called freedom of religion.
    Is it the couch-jumping? Well, why was he jumping on couches? What was he so excited about? Being in love with his wife! I don’t understand how that was spun to make it a crime! Give the guy a medal, don’t throw him to the wolves!
    My point is not that the movie looks good–it doesn’t, it looks awful. I’m just very abruptly sick of people attacking Tom Cruise as a person for things that he really doesn’t deserve to be attacked for.
    Incidentally, I’m not in love with the guy either, but–please. There are serial killers out there. Can’t we find someone a little more evil to villify?

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