Let’s play a game, and see how many individual things we can find wrong with the trailer for Jessica Simpson’s abysmal looking Major Movie Star. Click here to watch, then select one and only one reason it’s an unspeakable mess. (To raise the stakes, try not to pick anything that your fellow readers have already mentioned.)
I’ll get us started: That "boing" sound effect when the bulldog cocks his ears.
Okay, your turn!
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Jessica Simpson’s face
The words Jessica, Simpson, Major, Movie and Star all appearing in the same context. There is something utterly frightening about seeing that. By the way, does anyone have any idea what happened to her other movie, “Blonde Ambition. ” I remember seeing that trailer on Popwatch and being frightened back then too.
I cannot bring myself to watch the trailer. But, I already know something that is wrong:
Jessica Simpson is in it.
The narrator saying “…everyone wants a piece of your pie.” *shudder* I’d really rather not think about where Jessica Simpson’s pie has been.
the fact that it was made
Hahaha, nice try, but you can’t trick me into watching that trailer.
plus side Jessica Simpson is Hot
Minus side, I turned off the trailer before it even finished, there is no way i would watch the movie. BRUTAL. Stick to singing Jess, you are only sorta crappy at that.
The opening line of the song on the trailer… abysmal.
Two words – Steve Guttenberg
The requisite dance number in the barracks which brings some much-needed fun! to these women’s lives.
The obligatory “What do you think this is, rehab?” joke.
Give me “Private Benjamin” over this mess any day. I think *I* just threw up in my mouth a little. Ugh.
That “Private Benjamin” was ALREADY made. And that even with Goldie Hawn the last third kinda blew.
“…the world is your cupcake.” WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!?!?!?!
This movie has been done before with Goldie Hawn’s “Private Benjamin,” Jessica Simpson is no Goldie Hawn..
Would they really send her to Iraq? This is such a time sensitive film, you know, with an actual war and all.
Duck face Simpleton is no Private Benjamin!
It sounds like the narrator took an Ambien before reading his lines. I think I’ll skip this lame-looking ripoff of “Private Benjamin” (I don’t think I could bear to watch Jessica play peek-a-boo with the dog again).
How about the fact the the voiceover and the editing make this look like someone spliced together clips of a bad movie on Youtube to make fun of it? No one involved with this movie can be taking this seriously.
Vivica Fox’s new nose!
I’m sorry but the part at the end where she slides down the pole was aweful. The sound they did, the line she said after, the look on her face as she slid down. Let’s be serious.
1. The fact that they couldn’t rope the regular movie trailer guy to do the voiceover for the preview and, instead, it seems like they got his less-intense, disinterested younger cousin.
1) ALL of the jokes are tired, if not completely worn out. “Someone needs a breath mint.” 2) The voice-over guy for the trailer is lame. He sounds TV, not movie.
2. The 77th installment of the tough drill sargeant who disapproves of the new recruit at first, but will eventually be won over. Bonus points for casting a sassy black person in the part.
(Sorry Slezak, I know we were supposed to do one, but there are SO many things wrong with that trailer)
I’d also like to second gramkracka. “The world is your cupcake.” Really? They couldn’t think of anything better?
eventgal wrote the exact thing I was going to write. Oh well.
How bout the fact that I think they showed a clip of Jessica’s real dog Daisy in the movie. Maybe it was an outtake.
The trailer is too d*** long.
Oh my goodness, DEFINITELY the worst thing about that preview is that it makes it clear that Lane from Gilmore Girls is in this movie! That’s just tragic.
The movie poster that shows Jessica in the camo bikini making the peace sign is absolutely horrifying.
Her sleeping in front of the army recruiter’s door.