Mini TV Watch: 'The Bachelor' (Morals, values, and body-shots edition)

Bach_lMichael Slezak is on vacation, so I have the pleasure of dissecting what could be THE best episode of The Bachelor ever. Let’s break it down:

• Slezak’s prediction that McCarten would be the season’s she-beast was confirmed by her not-so-sympathetic reaction to Michele phoning Brad to inform him that she had just suffered a mild concussion: "He got off the phone, and we found out that Michele fell down the stairs, and we were all kinda like, ‘First of all, How the hell’d she get his phone number?’" I seriously doubt that all the women were thinking that, McCarten. At the very least, DeAnna looks smart enough to know that someone from the show would’ve accompanied Michele to the hospital and dialed Bachelor Brad’s cell for her. I’m putting Sheena on notice for her equally empathetic words to the camera: "As much as we really hope she’s okay, when it comes down to it, we’re here for one reason. So, to be honest, it’s one person down."

• Are these collectively the most aggressive Bachelorettes ever? DeAnna appears to be sane, but you’ve got girls standing on chairs and using binoculars to spy on the Bachelor, forcibly removing his shirt (I’m expecting more good TV things from you, Stephy, pictured with Lindsey and Brad), and kissing him mid-sentence. Brad’s take on McCarten’s poorly-timed peck made me heart him a little: "Towards the end of the talk, uh, we shared a kiss, which, uh, I don’t know. You know, it — God, I can’t lie. It wasn’t good," he said, with the appropriate amount of laughter. The fact that he chuckles at these women when they’re being ridiculous gives me hope that next week, when Hillary appears to take a trip to Crazytown on their one-on-one, he leaves the room not to get her a tissue, but to giggle in a place that’s not in her face.

• Speaking of Crazytown, someone please explain to me what body-shot-calling, bikini-top-baring Solisa meant by, "I’m a Christian, and morals and values are very important to me, and [they] have always been issues in [past] relationships. But I usually stick to my morals and values. I’m not gonna just do something, just because." EW’s Kristen Baldwin says that translates roughly to, "If it looks like a slut and talks like a slut, it’s not necessarily a slut if it tells you it’s a Christian," but I still don’t get it. I wish Brad would’ve asked for clarification.

• Jennigate: You can’t assume that Jenni is on the show to advance her career just because she brought her modeling portfolio to the house. (You can, however, believe that Jade is evil for going through Jenni’s suitcase to find that portfolio for the camera. And that yes, she did use the word ta-tas on TV.) Jenni says she has it in tow to show the girls what she does for a living. I suspect the Phoenix Suns dancer, who currently lives in Kansas, was just being practical. If she doesn’t land the love of her life, she might as well scout LA before returning to the Midwest. Either way, I believe she there’s for Brad, who, judging from their smile-and-smooch fest, clearly wants her to stick around.

• Now that I’ve got Jenni’s back, I’m going to do something I never thought I would: defend Mallory. Brad asked her for her "perfect day" or her "ideal day," so I don’t think she should have been made to look a fool for not including time to work. (That would have been her "typical day," Brad.) She should’ve been called out for suggesting that the two of you watercolor together.

• Finally, we’re to Bettina, who freaked out at the thought of having to tell Brad that she’s divorced. 1) Is there really that much of a stigma these days? 2) If she was so worried about telling him, maybe she should’ve prepared a speech before she got to the mansion. 3) Wouldn’t it be better to tell someone why you look nervous than to let them sit there guessing?

So, now it’s your turn. Who are you rooting for and against? Who’s planning on using Jenni’s toast: "Here’s to the North, and here’s to the South, and here’s to finding out what he can do with his mouth"? And who’s confident that she or he could tell the difference between Brad and his twin, Chad, who stops by the mansion next week?

Comments (19 total) Add your comment
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  • El0130

    OMG – I laughed until I cried at last night’s show. Brad being honest about the McCarten kiss? “It wasn’t good”, Solisa claiming to be a Christian? I was hoping he’d bust her on that, too. I think this has the makings of a GREAT season. Forget “the hottest bachelor”, I love that Brad laughs at the same stuff we do, as well as the faces he makes? (First episode’s reactions to pretzel girl and duck feet were priceless) Hilarious. It would be great to see him call out some of these girls on stuff, but even if he doesn’t, he seems like the most fun of all of the bachelors. (The “Officer” Bachelor had a good bod, and was allegedly smart, but I never would have guessed it by the way he spoke on camera). I love my secret indulgence… Buwahhhahhhhahhhhhaaa…

  • Anna

    What’s with Brad’s (and every Bachelor before him) total lack of personality? I like that he can laugh at the ridiculousness of most of these girls and obviously he’s hot but honestly, is it just me or is he not worth the trouble? Maybe I’m just a cynic because the thought of looking like a drunk, money-grubbing tramp on national television REALLY doesn’t appeal to me.

  • sharon

    would love to see more than a mini-watch this season! fun to dissect :)

  • Phil

    God himself could not make me watch The Bachelor, EVER, but more pics of the hunk in his swim trunks, JUST MIGHT! OMG HE’S HANDSOME!!! Ok, back to earth now….

  • mells

    the pats were on, so we had to watch them kick ass! missed the bachelor

  • kayla2

    I could not belive this Solisa woman with her big tts and her “Christian” comments; she is crazy. Clearly Jeny and DeAnna are the only two woman worth a second look; they got class, they are fun to be around and obviously they are there for the right reasons. Brad should by now had made up his mind exactly did he really want to establish a relationship with. Despite the numbers, there are not too many choices this time.

  • Laurie

    I really like Kristy from Chicago which means she is definitely getting voted out asap. Any of the chics from this show I have ever thought I could be friends with get the boot quickly. Where do they find these she beasts?

  • Anon

    I’ve known women like Solisa before. They get men all hot and bothered and then pull the Christian Morals card so they don’t have to follow through. They’re called “Teases”.

  • Anonymous

    I think this could potentially be the best season of the bachelor EVER–if only because we finally have a bachelor who is in on the joke. Though nothing will ever beat Lorenzo and some girl traveling through Rome in a horse-drawn carriage drinking Bud out of 40s.

  • MsDaisy

    Looks like DeAnna is the front-runner (or is that the biggest loser?).
    The chick who fell may want to blame her fall for not getting a rose, but it was really that gawd-awful frosted eye shadow she was wearing.

  • maya

    Mandi, I don’t usually say this to Slezak replacements, but you did Slezak proud, girlfriend!
    I’m loving this season so far. Who names their kid McCarten? And you know the producers made the Bachelor keep Jade (to keep stirring sht) and Soleisa (to keep the the production crew happy) even though he wanted to get rid of them. Well, maybe not so much Soleisa and her Christian bazooms.

  • donner

    Slezak is on vacation AGAIN???? didn’t he just return from one???

  • Snooks

    Great write-up, Mandi! You done good.
    I am loving this season, how can you not appreciate a Bachelor who laughs at how ridiculous these women act to get his attention? At least he’s up front (to the cameras).

  • cb

    I thought this episode was hilarious! Like everybody else, it was great to see Brad talk about the kiss. The “morals” conversation w/ Solisa was great too… “so you’re saying you have morals?”
    I think DeAna and Jenni are nice girls. Both seem to have a real connection w/ Brad. Love it!

  • Erin

    Solisa is am embarrassment to Christians everywhere!!! I am liking/feeling sorry for Jenny. Jade is a mean mean girl.

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