An avowed Dancing With the Stars fanatic known as, um, my mother unleashed a torrent of e-mail rage upon me, her unsuspecting son, in response to yesterday’s leak of the next batch of Dancing With the Stars hoofers. (The official list will be announced Wednesday on Good Morning America by judge Carrie Ann Inaba, pictured, and reigning champ Apolo Anton Ohno.) She’s not normally a woman of strong words — unless you count the time she snapped at me to "just wear the f—–g things" after I whined about a poorly made pair of angel wings approximately one hour before I was supposed to be onstage singing at the children’s Christmas mass — so I found the following e-mail worth sharing:
From: Mom
Sent: Monday, August 27, 2007 5:24 PM
To: Fonseca, Nicholas – Entertainment WeeklySubject: Re: FW: TMZ EXCLUSIVE: "Dancing with the Stars" Cast Leaked!!
No, not Wayne Newton…. He drives me nuts!!!! Well I see that night will be free to watch something else!!! I can’t believe they couldn’t get better people than this.. I thought everyone wanted to be on this show!!! Maybe this is all wrong (I hope). They just did it to throw people off!!!
Mom
So I’ve learned two things about my mother today: She uses three exclamation points when she’s especially riled up over her popular entertainment, and Wayne Newton is officially her reality TV dealbreaker. Say, who’s yours? Which "star" would drive you away from your favorite reality TV show if they suddenly waltzed onscreen?
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I suppose it’s kind of a given to say Paris Hilton.
Nick Lachey & Vanessa Minillo
Donald Trump. When I heard the ads for this season of DWTS, they were boasting about a “billionaire”… and I just went “Oh, crap, there goes my favorite fall show…” But thankfully, it’s some other media-whoring richie.
Your mom.
Any of the media bimbos – Paris, Nicole, even Lindsay & Britney, & I used to be a fan of the last 2; but any annoying celebrity (and you know there will be one in the mix for DWTS, the odds favor that!) and I’ll avoid watching them or avoid the show til they’re voted off. Considering these are usually “C” list celebrities, the odds are there will be at least 2 stinkers in the mix.
Paris, Britney, Lindsay, Nicole, Tom Cruise, Rachael Ray.
When I heard about Wayne Newton last week I called my Mom (I don’t watch the program) and she replied (keep in mind she is a mere 4 years younger than him) “Wayne Newton! He’s so old! I thought he was dead!?”
They need to spring some more cast members from General Hospital for her to be happy.
I love you mom! (She will never see this)
I don’t watch Dancing with the Stars but my hatred for Robin Williams would keep me from watching my beloved Lost if he became a cast member.
It might go without saying that so far none of the media bimbos are in need of publicity right now, when their very tripping on the sidewalk is enough to get them front page news. Think of those not currently in the public eye. What are the Cosby kids doing these days?
George W. Bush
i hate danny bonaduce. everytime i see him on tv i want to punch something.
i will watch nothing with him in it, ever.
I’m with mom…I can’t believe Giselle would want to be on this show, why? does she need the money and exposure? Isn’t she going into acting? And Mark Cuban? Come-on! Aaron Carter, he’s f**** every starlet in Hollywd. Mayweather? Why? He’s not even a name boxer. I just can’t believe the people they lined up. This is not going to be fun to watch if I watch it.
Rosie O’Donnell! Good gracious, I want to rip that woman’s arm off and beat her with it, she irritates me so much.
I also can’t believe Gisele is going to be on that show. She’s straight A-list (well, she dates A-list). And she’s definitely not a has-been like everyone else. btw, isn’t Nia Peeples an actualy dancer? I think that list is fake.
I saw Wayne Newton on Sunday’s Design Star. Him and his wife are plastic surgery zombies. His head looks like a swollen melon. I think it might explode if he moves too much. Seriously, I can’t even look at him. You really shouldn’t stare at disfigured people.
Romber. Please tell me we’re done with having them in our lives.
Your mom knows how to call it. Wayne Newton, uck. Then add that Carter kid. What are they thinking? Let’s get K-Fed & Brigitte Nielsen too!
Hasselhoff.
old bundchy..come on we already had a very leggy (Keibler) dancer..can’t we get someone for the girls? Why do the guys need to serously watch gisele?
For me it would be Jennifer Love Hewitt. I cannot stand her “perky” personality!
donald trump
Hulk Hogan and Brooke Hogan
David Caruso
But…I’d watch anything with Tom Selleck in it!!! I bet he’d be a great dancer! Do it, Magnum!
Danza, Tony Danza.
Can’t stand Richard Simmons… ugh !
I really can’t stand Richard Simmons ! Ugh…
Andy Dick and/or
anyone who knows Andy Dick
Tom Arnold. Roseanne. Had enough of them to last me a lifetime.
If Britney Spears ever came near the American idol stage, I would run over Ryan Seacrest to make sure I was the one who pushed her off the stage.
Any of the Desperate Housewives
They almost did it last year with Heather Mills. My joy came when she was eliminated!
Nicholas’ mom has got it goin on
oh I’m a corn I know but I loved that she rants to you about this! My mother doesnt know the difference between Christina and Beyonce!