Rumor of the week: Britney Spears will be the opening act at this year’s VMAs. Good news for folks who like to take long, leisurely drives past traffic accidents, but not so much for Britney loyalists (a few still exist, I presume) who’d like to see the "Toxic" singer return to the top of the Billboard charts. I mean, at this point in her career trajectory, Britney’s place in the pop-culture hierarchy is somewhere between "national punchline" and "crazy lady in hotel lobby." I was chatting with a couple of friends over dinner last night, and we concluded that not even a Linda Perry-penned, Timbaland-produced track with a guest rap by Kanye West and backing vocals by Christina Aguilera (as if!) could restore Britney’s musical credibility. So why take the VMA stage when they’re all gonna laugh at her?
Then again, one might ask: How’s a single mother of two supposed to make a living? If I were Britney’s manager, I’d start with a tranquilizer dart plan to restore some mystery to the one-time sex symbol’s public persona. Step one: Disappear to rural Montana, or the hills of Vermont, or a farm in Arkansas, and lead a life so mundane, so quiet, that even the few paparazzi who follow her will wind up bored — and more importantly, deprived of a viable source of income. Stay out of the public eye for a good six to nine months, while eating well, working out regularly, and spending some quality time with the kids. (Hey, it could happen.) Take secret meetings with an up-and-coming producer (think someone like Rich Harrison, circa Beyoncé’s "Crazy in Love"), but sign the person to a confidentiality agreement so he or she can’t publicly discuss the project. And just when everyone’s thisclose to forgetting you even exist, unveil your new look (new wig please!), your new bod, and your new music as the opening act at the VMAs…in 2008, naturally. Hey, crazier things have happened. (Remember when "Mambo No. 5" was a hit?)
Then again, maybe Britney’s past her musical expiration date, and ought to consider signing up for the best season of The Surreal Life ever. You make the career call in the comments section below.
I used to think Britney was trying to be trashy, so her comeback would be even better. Now I just think she’s trashy and obviously has no chance at a comeback.
The best (and only) thing she could do right now to save is go away for a couple years, not show her face (or underwear) in public and then make a comeback when maybe people will have forgotten how trashy she is.
If I ran Britney’s career, I would STAB her, since I’m soooo tired of seeing and hearing about her acting a fool around Hollywood.
She needs some help. We all wish that she would disappear and get it together, but I think that’s not going to happen until she completely runs her career into the ground and realizes that she’s not all that and a bag of chips after all.
go away…far far away, for a long time.
Brittney has never had a normal life, from being a kidon disney to a young adult showing her hoo-ha allover the internet.
she should pull a madonna, move to another country, take care of her kids, then…maybe the public might be interested in her again.
Any exposure rght now is bad exposure. Just go away
Definitly needs to go away. whether it is forever or a year or so. Maybe all her trips to crazytown are because she knows her career was based on a fake. she can’t sing without it being augmented, can’t dance, can’t act. she’s acting out so noone will notice these things. You need to have talent to have a comeback.
I’d say to Britney what I said to Ben Affleck. How can we miss you if you won’t go away? Britney, for the love of all that is good and holy…pack up your wigs, put away your lady bits, and take the kids some place clean and quiet where there isn’t a club, barber shop, puppy pound, or Paris Hilton in sight. I hear the Canadian wilderness is lovely this time of year and they seem to have space available.
How about a lobotomy?
I fervently hope her career is over, but if I were her manager I’d advise her to take at least two years off, move away from NY or LA to a non-star-studded locale, grow her hair back, learn to dress decently, TAKE VOICE LESSONS, get therapy, and generally get her act together. Then she should get some good producers/songwriters and make an album with more substance than anything she’s done so far. After all, Madonna wouldn’t have made it as far as she did if she just made “Lucky Star” over and over again.
Then she should do a tour of small clubs where she wears nice clothes and ACTUALLY SINGS LIVE.
Of course, none of this will ever happen. Britney has clearly lost whatever work ethic she ever had to being with. She seems to think coasting on fumes is enough.
the only reason the VMAs hired britney is b/c it was cheaper than hiring a clown, & much more entertaining. if i was in charge of her career, i would force her to give the kids to k-fed (probably still not a suitable parent, but anything is better than the hell theyve been living through now) & i then i would take britney outside & shoot her. animals w/ rabies are a danger to society
the only reason the VMAs hired britney is b/c it was cheaper than hiring a clown, & much more entertaining. if i was in charge of her career, i would force her to give the kids to k-fed (probably still not a suitable parent, but anything is better than the hell theyve been living through now) & i then i would take britney outside & shoot her. animals w/ rabies are a danger to society
Just go away. I don’t think anything can save her career now. It’s not a good sign when you can actually think K-Fed would make a better parent to those two little boys. I can’t help but think how Justin Timberlake must thank God everyday he got away from that train wreck.
You notice something the manger see has now make sure she does something stupid every time the Insider doesn’t talk about her like when Anna Smith died Britney goes and shaves her head that weekend so what i would do is make her do something so crazy that no one would be able to take away her spotlight and she would eventually get sick of it and do things like Clay Aiken!
don’t you all know she’s not a girl and not yet a woman?!?!!?
seriously tho, 5 years ago i would never have thought i would utter these words, but less britney would be a wonderful thing. public meltdown after public meltdown is simply disturbing. she needs to relocate to where noone can find or hear from her for at LEAST a year, if not more. settle the divorce and get outta dodge.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: I’m rooting for Britney. I know she can’t sing, but neither can most of the ‘singers’ of the MTV generations(hello Madonna?). I still like her music.
My advice would be for her to get out of LA and get her life back in order. Take the better part of a year. Then make a comeback CD, to be released at the end of next year or the beginning of ’09. I know it’s a longshot, but I think it’s only her shot. Good luck, Brit. Oh, one more thing: STAY SINGLE!!!!!!!
If I was Britney’s PR person I’d make her relocate to a secluded place, get well, and take care of her kids. She doesn’t need a music career…we’re so over America Pop Princesses. Who cares? She’s a mother now, that should be her main priority. And who handles her press? They suck at it. Take care of your kids, Britney.
Sarah, you are so right!! J.T. must be thanking his lucky stars.