My all-time favorite episode of Starting Over involved a woman who was asked to sit inside a cardboard box, write down her "issues" on its walls, and then bust her way to the outside as a way to "break down her barriers." Because there are no cardboard boxes in the blogosphere, we can’t reenact that stupendously stupid-beautiful moment today, but I’ve cooked up an exercise that elicits a similar reading on the pop-cultural shame-o-meter. Here’s what I want you to do: Take a few minutes to peruse your iPod song list — or paw through your CD collection — and then share the five most shameful songs in your collection. And remember, I wouldn’t ask you to dive into the humiliation pool if I wasn’t already standing in the deep end, arms outstretched, promising to buy you a pony. Ready… set…jump!
(1) Samantha Fox (pictured), "Naughty Girls (Need Love Too)" Stop judging me! This track was downloaded from a compilation CD called Ladies of the ’80s; you, on the other hand, have no excuse for knowing all the words to the chorus.
(2) C-Note, "Wait Till I Get Home" No joke, I might be out of a job by day’s end if my boss watches the corresponding video clip at YahooMusic, especially the part where these cut-rate Backstreet Boys bust vaguely obscene moves while delivering the line "bring it on home, daddy." Oh, how I wish I were making that up.
(3) Lita Ford, "Hungry" The musical equivalent of a late-night movie on Cinemax, but 57% less artful.
(4) Patra, "Pull Up to the Bumper" Purchased at the iTunes store in the last 30 days, but in my defense, I’d been drinking a little bit.
(5) Scatman John, "Scatman (Shi-Ba-Bop-Ba-Dop-Bop)" This will be blaring from the speakers when I begin my descent into music hell. It burns! It burns!
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oooh…ss.ss..samantha fox! I have that one too!
I am proud to own:
Poison’s Greatest Hits
the Spongebob Squarepants album
Lou Bega’s album (the mambo #5 guy)
an odd assortment of TV THemes (Charles in Charge anyone?) and Schoolhouse Rock (Interplanet Janet and The Adverb song are the best.)
Finally, although i am in my 30s, I am currently listening to Avril’s BOYFRIEND and Amy’s REHAB.
Sadly, it didn’t take long to find these five on my iPod:
1) “Live for Loving You” – Gloria Estefan. Granted, I can only really listen to this one if my day’s been insanely good, but it’s a sweet little song.
2) “White Lines” – Duran Duran. Yeah, yeah, I’ve read all the ‘Worst Cover of a Song’ ever articles. I like the faster pacing of this version and it makes me laugh….
3) “Jump Shout Boogie” – Barry Manillow. I think anything by Barry is a default inclusion on this list, though I do like this song’s piano.
4) “Rock the Night” – Europe. They did actually release another song aside from “The Final Countdown”. If it weren’t for my metal-loving older bro, I wouldn’t have ever heard it either.
5) “Good for You” – Amy Grant. Yeah, well, it makes me think warm fuzzies about my guy. Sue me. : )
Here’s my batch of oh-so-shamefuls:
-”B in the Remix” – Britney Spears
-”Spiceworld” – Spice Girls – it’s a streetcred thing, yo
-O-Town – which I NEVER listen to…come to think of it, how DID it get in my collection? Odd…
-”Invincible” by Pat Benatar – the woman rocked in the 80s, but not with this song, which I still love (“FAIR IS FAIR!”).
-”Toy Soldiers” by Martika – both (oh) the English (my) AND Spanish versions (god)
-AND THE ONE TO TOP ALL OF YOU: “BABY WOMAN” album by Naomi Campbell…AHAHAAHHAHAHA! You have to be really drunk for this garb to sound good, which it does, when you’re REALLY REALLY Drunk!
The Dickies version of the Bananna Splits song, Futureama theme, and Don Qixote by Magazine 60.
Being a musician, I have a lot of music. But, the only stuff that I’d be embarrassed for people to know that I had: Ashley Simpson “Pieces of You,” Bananarama “Venus,” (“Cruel Summer” is somehow acceptable, but “Venus” is not), DeBarge “Rhythm of the Night” (in my defense, this is from a Motown Greatest Hits CD…but I didn’t have to keep it, now did I?), a two-disc greatest hits of Donna Summer (individual songs not being bad, of course, but 36 songs? SHAME!), and Eiffel 65’s “Blue (Da Ba Dee). Can you tell that I’m gay? Ha ha…
my iPod contains most of the 2 Live Crew album “Nasty As They Want To Be”…and yes, I own the actual CD also. So sue me, it’s an in-joke from growing up.
I think for me the hard part will be coming up with ONLY 5, so let’s see;
1. The Sondtrack to the movie Josie and the Pussycats (with Rachel Leigh Cook, Roasarao Dawson and Tara Reid Lip-Synching Horribly). The music actually isn’t half-bad when you’re going for cheesy and upbeat.
2. A large collection of bagpipe music, though I must admit the group (Tartan Terrors) and particularly the Piper (Sean McKeow – gorgeous!) are wonderfully talented and funny.
3. The Soundtrack to Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
4. I’m Henry the VIII, I Am, by Herman’s Hermits
5. Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz by Big Bird.
For the record, that list got me only halfway thruogh my collection, but my iPod battery is about to die! It gets worse!
“Nothing My Love Can’t Fix” Joey Lawrence
“Lollipop” Aqua
“She Blinded Me With Science” Thomas Dolby
“Informer” Snow
“Never Gonna Give You Up” Rick Astley
Personally, I think all of these songs are cheesy and shameful, but I love them anyway!
that c-note video is the best thing i have seen all week! i think you should submit it for monday’s “today’s funnies.”
OMG bwahahahaha Sleazak this column rules…can we have this be an extended feature each week? Pls!
33 yr old woman with the indie brit pop/punk tastes but I still own the following:
Spandau Ballet -True
Boyz 2 men/Maria- One Sweet Day
Creed- Arms Wide Open
George Micheal/Elton John- Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me
Hilary Duff- Come Clean.
And many Spice Girls songs…
Its my ipod and my rules!!!
Well you see, I can’t limit it to 5 because I own a copy of The Monkees Anthology. So have your pick there. I also have songs from ABC and The Jackson 5’s ABC on there, Duran Duran’s greatest hits, ABBA…lots of songs that kind of tarnish the rock-intelligent persona I have created for myself amongst my friends.
1. Barry Manilow’s Greatest Hits
2. Lita Ford’s “Kiss Me Deadly”
3. Duran Duran’s Greatest Hits
4. Leo Sayer’s “You Make Me Feel Like Dancing”
5. Winger’s “Seventeen”
1. Bye Bye Bye-N’Synch-Nobody was happier than me about the boy bands going away, but this one song was just too darn catchy.
2. Waterloo-Abba-My first album was Abba’s greatest hits.
3.Elephant Love Medley-Ewan McGregor,Nicole Kidman-The movie is loud and stupid. But there is something about these two stars doing kareoke.
4. Downtown-Petula Clark-stupid credit card commercial
5. Millenium-Robbie Williams-I am probably the only person in the U.S. who bought this vaugely sounding James Bond theme knock-off.
I just realized after this that I have A LOT of stuff on my ipod that I didn’t even know about. Here’s my most embarrassing:
1. “Heat of the Moment” Asia- In my defense, Cartman sang it, which makes it cool.
2. “I want it that way” Backstreet Boys- I have no defense for this.
3. “Lovefool” Cardigans- It makes me happy
4. “Father figure” George Michael- I have no idea how this got on there or why. Let this be a lesson, don’t drink and download.
5. “Sister Christian” Night Ranger- no one can deny what a cool karaoke song this is.
My iPod is FULL of so bad they’re good songs.
Ashlee Simpson – La La (why do I like it? I dont know)
Britney Spears – From the bottom of my broken heart
Spice Girls – Spice, Spiceworld, and unfortunately, Forever
Alannah Myles – Black Velvet
All Saints – I Know Where It’s At (So I like Europop, no biggie . . . I just need to learn to pick GOOD Europop.)
Don’t give up on us baby (I know!!!) -David Soul;
I’ll see you in my dreams – Doris Day;
I still believe – Hayden Panetierre;
Memory – Laguna Beach Soundtrack
Space Cowboy – N’sync feat. Left Eye
* I also have Scatman, but that didn’t embarrass me.
GREAT FEATURE!!!
10cc – “I’m not in love”
Dan Fogelberg – “Longer”
Looking Glass – “Brandy”
Rick Astley – “Never gonna give you up”
Sir Mix a Lot – “Baby Got Back”
Overall, I’m proud to say I don’t know any of the artists that Slezak mentions on his iPod…I think my embarrassing ones are pretty righteous, really…
10cc – “I’m not in love”
Dan Fogelberg – “Longer”
Looking Glass – “Brandy”
Rick Astley – “Never gonna give you up”
Sir Mix a Lot – “Baby Got Back”
Overall, I’m proud to say I don’t know any of the artists that Slezak mentions on his iPod…I think my embarrassing ones are pretty righteous, really…
I have the “Pokerap” on my iPod. Just imagine what the 4 other worst songs could be.
I have the “Pokerap” on my iPod. Just imagine what the 4 other worst songs could be.
The theme to Jem and the Holograms.
Achy Breaky Heart. Need I say more?
When the Lights Go Out by 5ive
On The Wings of Love…by Clay Aiken. Yeah, I said it.
Debbie Gibson & Tiffany’s greatest hits
Candy by Mandy Moore.
Now everyone knows my secret shame.
I don’t think these hardly qualify as BAD songs, just completely RANDOM!! Also Slezak, if you spent the .99 cents on “PULL UP TO MY BUMPER”, I hope you either bought or also have Patra’s two BIGGEST hits, “Worker Man” & “Romantic Call” with Yo Yo!
Gigi D’Agostino “I’LL FLY WITH YOU”
Hilary Duff “STRANGER”
The Gaylettes “SON OF A PREACHER MAN”
Jessica Simpson “THESE BOOTS ARE MADE FOR WALKING”
The Spice Girls “Stop”
***FYI Slezak did you HEAR Victoria Beckham’s new single “FULL STOP” featuring Nas on AOL’s new songs?? ITS ACTUALLY A GREAT SUMMER SONG & only 2:48!!!****
1. Invisible – Clay Aiken terrible!!!
2. Unskinny Bop – Poison
3. How Bizarre – the Kids Bop version (it has never been played on my iPod or iTunes…phew!)
4. Theme song to Tiny Toon Adventures
5. Hot Hot Hot! – Buster Poindexter
I have “Naughty Girls…” on my iPod, too. I am not ashamed, though. If I love a song, there is no reason to feel bad about it. Play it loud and proud!
1. “I Swear” by All-4-One
2. “Crush on You” and “You Got It All” by The Jets
3. “Strong Enough” by Cheryl Crow (embarrassing because I’m a guy)
4. “I Adore Mi Amore” by Color Me Badd (don’t forget that second “d” in “Badd”)
Shame, shame, shame on all of us. LOL
Here’s my list.
**Toxic – Britney Spears
**Barbie Girl – Aqua
**Angie Baby – Helen Reddy
**The Humpty Dance – Digital Underground
**Party All The Time – Eddie Murphy (this one is a real throwback)
I have several more embarassing ones (some already mentioned by other’s before) that I wouldn’t dare be screaming out loud walking down the street. LOL.
The Beetlejuice Theme by Danny Elfman and Got My Mind Set on You by George Harrison (somebody try to deny that the video wasn’t cool for it’s time).
And I am not ashamed to say that I have the The Simpsons songs that they sing on the show on CD. Love that show!!!
I have to step in and assure you, wickdkimber, that you have nothing to be ashamed of for having “Toxic” on your ipod. I unironically love that song.
Mambo #5 by Lou Bega
Are you Johnny Ray?
Informer by Snow
Crush by Jennifer Paige
A few songs by S Club 7
1. “MMMBop,” Hanson. NEED I SAY MORE? I also have their “Speechless” on my ipod (shut up, it’s a good song.)
2. “Tumthumping,” Chumbawumba
3. “Wannabe,” Spice Girls
4. “We Built This City,” Jefferson Starship. It makes sense that I have what VH1 dubbed the most “Awesomely Bad” song ever.
5. “Hold On,” Wilson Phillips. It is cheesy and makes me feel good, and I love it.