This little piggy went home

Piggy_lBy now you’ve probably heard. After serving only five days of her jail sentence (thanks, Sheriff Baca!), Paris Hilton will serve the rest of her term at home due to "medical reasons" that sources close to her family (ew!) say was some sort of rash. Which brings out the angry poet in me…

Paris, how was jail?
Knitting circle’s a bitch, huh?
You’ll always be ours

Wait, who am I kidding? She’s nowhere close to haiku-worthy. Shall we try a limerick?

There once was a "socialite" so jank
Her name was synonymous with "skank"
    Came down with some pimples
    They made her life simple
She’s at home with some s— on her ank

As a nation weeps, write your own ditties below.

addCredit(“The Great Muppet Caper: Everett Collection”)

Comments (78 total) Add your comment
Page: 1 2 3 6
  • Kermit Girl

    Oh, come on! Don’t besmirch our favorite “Moi”- Miss Piggy is much better than Paris Hilton, in or out of jail!

  • Kermit Girl

    Oh, come on! Don’t besmirch our favorite “Moi”- Miss Piggy is much better than Paris Hilton, in or out of jail!

  • Miss Piggy Fan!

    Ditto, Kermit Girl!
    p.s. I really wanted Paris to be in jail, I was hoping for the best. Unfortunately, it has been proven, yet again, that money can buy you freedom from facing responsiblity.

  • Martha

    OK, the rhyme scheme’s not perfect and it’s pretty nasty, but here goes:
    A bottle blonde rich deb named Paris
    Whom it was quite impossible to embarrass
    ended up in the pokey
    but got out with some hokey
    “rash.” My best guess? Syphilis.

  • Dan Daoust

    A haiku:
    Paris Hilton free.
    Nation wonders how so soon?
    Sheriff zips his pants.

  • to martha

    the rhyming is off, but no prob. You just said what we’re all thinking.

  • Stephen

    Does anyone NOT think she slept with the guard, her therapist, the judge, and whoever else it took to bust her otu???

  • Anonymous


    While you’re at it sign a petition to make sure the killing in Darfur does not continue:

    And sign a petition to fight global warming:

  • Stephanie Travitsky

    Paris Hilton’s response:
    I’m hot,
    you’re not
    did you think I was gonna sit in a cell and rot?
    Our response:
    She’s a skank with money in the bank, hopefully if there is a G-d her show will finally tank.
    Her spoiled attitude is rank,
    and her breath is kickin’,
    that b-tch looks like an UGLY chicken!!

  • riain grey

    There once was a socialite heiress
    Who really had started to scare us
    She was finally jailed
    But her skin rash prevailed
    I guess that’s just life, when you’re Paris.

  • Houstonian Jen in Baltimore

    Fair Paris of the rich Hilton clan
    Whose actions the judge chose to pan
    She cried and she yammered
    So, out of the slammer
    She’s lucky she ain’t a black-man.
    (…specifically an economically disadvantaged one)

  • Houstonian Jen in Baltimore

    HAHAHAHA! Martha, your final line is golden!

  • Blue4U1980

    Paris Hilton I need to be blunt,
    I can no longer put up a front,
    When I see you I hurl,
    You spoiled wetched girl,
    Mom Kathy’s raised a world class C***!

  • Ep Sato

    That rash sounds like the shingles. Paris being let go is some straight up Bull$hit. She was let go because she’s an LA princess.
    People with AIDS are left to rot in prison. Based on my casework experiences, inmates go through significant rolls of red tape before they’re allowed any medical care.
    As for “breaking down”,cry me a river. Michelle Rodriguez did her jail stint, and Martha Stewart survived a FEDERAL penetentiary. Did they get let go when they felt “stressed”? Yet the world’s best known porn star did not even 7 days in the country club section of LA County because she was “breaking down”.
    Paris had a DUI, drove on the revoked license and was let go for it in January after signing a doc that said she’d not drive anymore. Then she was caught driving a MONTH later. She’s got no respect for the law and the LAPD just let her off.
    So can poor people get house arrest when they get rashes in Jail?
    Clearly in LA, laws do not apply to the rich and famous. F’ed up man.

  • mikey

    Paris was sent up after an inquiry
    But her skin turned all red and fiery
    I had the shelf space reserved
    Now I’m totally unnerved
    Because there will be no “Prison Diary”

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