Apolo Anton Ohno may have taken the Dancing with the Stars crown, but we all know judge Len Goodman is the king of the ballroom. He’s just released an instructional DVD, creatively titled Dance with Len Goodman, in which he teaches beginners the basic steps and holds of eight dances: the Quickstep, Foxtrot, Waltz, Tango, "Cha Cha Cha," Samba, Rumba, and Jive. If you’re hoping to see Len bust a move, you’ll be disappointed — he’s on the dance floor in a coach capacity only (although he can barely control himself during the Samba and Jive). Still, I give his teaching technique a 10. After one play of the DVD on my work computer, I’d mastered the "Cha Cha Cha" and Samba from the comfort of my swiveling chair. I just don’t know how to score these limerick intros:
"When dancing the Cha Cha Cha,
Come on to the floor like a star.
You can bump, you can grind,
You can move your behind.
One tip girl, best wear a bra."
"Remember, whilst doing the Rumba,
To act like a cool cucumber.
With the correct hip action,
There’ll be lots of attraction
And requests for your telephone number."
"Staccato’s the key to the Tango.
Hold tight, girl, and just watch your mango.
Down Argentine way,
They dance it all day.
But never, of course, with a banjo."