There’s only three unlucky women remaining on this season of The Bachelor: Officer and a Gentleman, and in honor of desperate schoolteacher Amber’s elimination, I present you with the following pop quiz about last night’s episode. Everyone get out a pad and pencil, and face the front of the room. Begin!
1. Andy’s silver car with the crazy doors is:
A) a DeLorean.
B) a Lamborghini.
C) the Batmobile.
D) embarrassing.
2. At the beginning of last night’s episode, Andy paired each of the four remaining women with a descriptive phrase. Which one doesn’t belong?
A) Danielle: "I feel her heart so much"
B) Amber: "warms me up"
C) Bevin: "manly hands"
D) Tessa (pictured, with Andy): "amazing emotions"
3. After Bevin’s father encouraged her to dive headlong into a relationship with a man she barely knows (and who happens to be mulling marriage proposals with at least three additional women), she responded by saying:
A) "I have to just let go."
B) "It’s all about the journey."
C) "Jesus, take the wheel."
D) "It puts the lotion in the basket."
4. When Andy and Bevin inevitably split, who will get custody of the lovely forest scene Bevin’s mom painted for them?
A) Andy
B) Bevin
C) one lucky eBay-er
D) the nearest dumpster
5. One of the personality traits Andy said he likes about Danielle is that she:
A) "Gives 1,000 percent, just like her mom."
B) "Triumphs over hurdles."
C) "Willingly allows me to force-feed her bites of banana."
D) It’s a trick question! Danielle has no personality traits.
6. Andy and Danielle’s end-of-date kiss signaled that:
A) her mom should not have prepared clams casino for an appetizer.
B) dude will try anything once.
C) their "fantasy suite" date next week will be a good time to fold the clothes.
D) she’s going to totally get the ring.
7. Tessa’s best friend and sister:
A) are part of a feminist plot to destroy The Bachelor franchise.
B) deserve their own reality series — but only if they’re joined by Amber’s roommate.
C) are just jealous because they don’t have boyfriends with eight-packs.
D) should have stuffed Tessa into a van and driven her to a safehouse.
8. The most uncomfortable part of Andy’s visit to Amber’s hometown was:
A) the dangerously short minidress she wore to visit her grade-school classroom.
B) the fact that her roommate calls her "Ambee."
C) her Pomeranian, Pasha, spinning wildly and urinating on the floor, then barking off camera while the couple made out.
D) the uncontrollable sobbing.
9. The emotional highlight of the "most dramatic rose ceremony ever" was:
A) Amber’s scarily specific vision of a future in which she "would’ve bent over backwards" to please her man.
B) Amber’s futile attempts to pull up the sagging top of her strapless dress.
C) The controversial cutout panels in the sides of Bevin’s gown.
D) Andy’s admission that he wanted to "bring all four women to Hawaii."
10. *Why does Chris Harrison feel the need to always say, "Ladies, this is the final rose tonight"?
A) Because it is a natural stimulant to the women’s tear ducts.
B) Because the bachelorettes may have looks, but that doesn’t mean they have math skills
C) Because deep down, Chris is evil
D) Because he likes to use the word "ladies" whenever possible
Answer key after the jump!
*Thanks to my colleague Lindsay Soll for concocting that last one.
Answer Key: 1-D; 2-C; 3-A; 4-D; 5-D**; 6-C; 7-D; 8-A***; 9-B; 10-C***
**technically B, but come on!
***though D is also an acceptable answer
Comments (1-30) of 36 Add your comment
Hilarious! From the sounds of the sobbing on all of the lead-ins to the MDRCE (most dramatic…you know the rest) you didn’t know if it could’ve been Bevin. Okay, that was before the date. After, she’s a shoein for a great night in the fantasy suite! Interesting how in the limo, Amber still didn’t know why she was cut even though he (basically) explained it to her.
Why am I still watching this show???!?!?!!!
This is the greatest show ever. From Bevin’s manly hands, to her cutout dress that looked like it belonged on Dancing with the Stars, to her almost-tackle as she ran up to claim her rose, she is crazy. And so is her dad for crying with her and telling her to jump right in a relationship with a guy who’s dating three other girls and not worry about it.
Amber — crazy too. And immature. Her dinner with the roommate reminded me of being 18 again. I’m kinda sad to see her go though, now only Bevin is there to worry about EVERY SINGLE SECOND of her time with Ken-doll Andy.
This show’s still on? Who knew?
I vote Ambee’s roommate for next Bachelorette.
Best. Extraneous. Bachelor. Character. Ever.
Hi – wait for it – larious!
I’m with ou Jenn…I don’t why I’m still watching, but I can’t turn away and this season has been highly entertaining.
Call me crazy, but I’m digging this season of The Bachelor.
Andy is really a little insipid in the endless declarations that the girls are all “amazing”, etc. but…after Aaron from Kansas City, I think he is my favorite bachelor. Actually, if I were one of the girls, I would consider him perfect…..but he’s just a little bland really……….as for the women, I’m puzzled as to why he seems smitten with Tessa….she’s a little bit aloof, but not really a riveting personality. The girls just really have no originality…..and I don’t mean have a punky one, a barbie, a free-spirit, etc. They are just not exciting personalities…..but then, again, neither is Andy.
I’m sadly…completely addicted to this season LOL
Awesome. Just, awesome.
Funniest part of the show is this quiz. I think ‘man hands’ Bevin will take it but can Tessa’s sister be the next Bachelorette – what the world needs nowis a feminist bachelorette
I have to say– since I can’t stop watching the Bachelor no matter how hard I try, and I’ve seen them all– this Andy actually seems like he might not be a tool. (except for the car, of course, but he probably doesn’t have control over that.) I think he’s genuinely looking for love and being very kind, respectful and sincere to the women and it won’t surprise me if he ends up marrying one of them. That one being Tessa… but…
loved the recognition of that too-short dress Amber wore to school. Yah, she’s a mature 23 alright.
Slezak, thanks for this! It’s just what I need to perk up my day. Now if I could just stop watching…
This is so hysterical… “It puts the lotion in the basket”… priceless!! I have to say this seems to be the most genuine season as far as the ladies and Andy go… it’s like watching a train-wreck and I can’t pull myself away! Talk about guilty pleasures…
“i’m in heaven when i’m with bevin”
amazing
apparently tessa is going to win the whole thing, she got drunk and spilled the beans to page 6
You guys seriously need to do a TV Watch on this show. I missed your commentary last week! This season is the best one yet. As for the car, Andy already said it wasn’t his. I agree that Andy will probably pick Tessa. The producers have given her the most time on screen so far. Bevin has let herself get too crazy, and I actually did think that Danielle wasn’t a piece of cardboard this week.
Grammar Freak Alert – Look away if this kind of gripping infuriates you. However, I got respect for the Slezak, and so I must point out: “There’s only three…” REALLY? There IS only three???? THERE IS THREE? I read ew.com instead of dlisted.com to avoid that kind of plural confusion…I’m obsessed with the Bachelor (and Bevin’s crazy eyes), but please keep your grammar straight for my sanity
MS – Self-professed grammar freaks should be able to spell. Gripping? Don’t you mean griping? As in complaining, not as in grasping firmly?
I am not picking on you MS, but I believe that the There’s only three line is just fine since Slezak is using remaining to describe the ladie’s status on the show. I could be wrong, but that’s the way I read it.
Oh, who cares! Love this trainwreck of a show. Too funny. Andy would be a bit better if he didn’t say the corniest things and look as though he was reading them off of cue cards.
Answer 3-D made me laugh out loud.
I laughed so hard reading this quiz one of my colleagues came down the hall to make sure I was OK. All praise Michael Slezack.
Where did you hear that Tessa got drunk and leaked it to a newspaper?
Did anyone else notice that in the opening credits they showed a shot of the night’s rose ceremony and for a split second you could see a rose already in Tessa’s hands? Thank god for DVR. I can’t wait to see the frek out when he picks Tessa over Man Hands.
Yes, I hate to admit it but I LOVE this show. I’ve watched almost every season with a dorky smile on my face. Firestone is still the cutest bachelor ever. But, Andy isn’t bad. I hope he picks Tessa as she somehow seems classy. Bevin does seem somehow psycho to me. Pls do some writeups on this ridiculous but addicting show.
How did I not know this was on Monday night? They didn’t advertise it 1000 times during DWTS like usual. Cuz if you watch all of those commercials for it, you don’t really have to watch the episode.
sf- if you check the new york post online & click on page six “the secrets out” it’ll give you the drunk Tessa spoiler
The best part tonight was when Amber’s folks wouldn’t come meet the bachelor because they are opposed to the concept. Real people do exist!
Ok….I love this show even though I try not to. I hate Tessa, she is annoying and ugly, I like the other two girls, love Bevin-she might not be the prettiest but I think that she really loves Andy and I think that they look really happy together. To be totally honest, I will be happy as long as Tessa doesnt win…..speaking of which, can somebody please tell me who didnt get a rose last night…its killing me!!!!
so mr.andy baldwin also could say good luck with the great youngest girl or women to choose the right one in your own heart to have to bevin powers to give her an a last rose to win and giveing her by bevin powers to marrying with so congratulation. but i regentley could like tessa she is okay but i don’t know to take her are you.
what i thought you dont judge a book by its cover. at times opinions/criticism comes faster than thinking what is or who is. i know there’s what we call
free speech but it would be nice if we can give our opinion based on facts. do a little research.
Tessa is not ugly. She has everything and I think she is rich too..and nobody knows that.For bevi she just went for the ride. Both of them has the degree but I think the way the were raised is diffirent. Bevin had a difficult life and that is why she trying to make it for the lost times
but Tessa I think had/has a good life.
Good for Dr. Baldwin. She will be proud for Tessa!!!!And Tessa will be proud for Dr. Baldwin