After a hilarious season premiere chock full o’ tantrums, spontaneous singing, and drunken pratfalls, episode 2 of The Bachelor: Officer and a Gentleman was bound to be a little bit of a letdown — from a comedy standpoint, anyway. Yet what the 90 minutes lacked in laughs, it made up for with ripped abs, heaving breasts, and maddening contradictions.
Andy got psyched for first group date — not a tough task, considering the 7-1 woman-to-man ratio — by declaring "Operation: Soulmate is about to begin!" And what better way to start a meaningful search for love than by packing the babes onto a "party bus," driving down to the Sunset Strip, and watching them ride a mechanical bull that’s programmed to stop mid-buck, vibrate wildly, and cause violent cleavage convulsions? Next stop, a rooftop bar, where Andy presented his dates with racks of ballgowns, then declared, "I can’t wait to see you all in your beautiful dresses. I’m so glad you like them," as if he was reading off a cue card. Clearly the officer/gentleman’s mind was drifting toward the swimsuit competition, and a short while later, after toasting to "a very classy evening," our hero suggested it was time to slip into something more comfortable, revealed his enviably chiseled torso, and let the gals go in for a group grope. A very classy evening indeed!
But not to worry, ladies of Group Date No. 2, ABC wasn’tabout to rob you of the opportunity to shake what your mamas gave you —so let’s start the morning by donning retro gym shorts, downing somemimosas, and participating in a mini triathlon (which will consist of alap-swim, stationary bike, and slo-mo jiggling as you sprint around therooftop pool). Bounce, Amber, bounce! You’re the winner! You get tosnuggle on the beach with Andy and drive your competitors into adelicious rage. And sorry, Susan and Erin, but Andy is not the kind ofguy who’s impressed by watching you hold hands, giggle, and declareyour aversion to physical activity. But keep an eye out for those SpiceChannel auditions.
And then there was the one-on-one date withStephanie South Carolina, the "organ donor coordinator" who’s beingedited to look like she enjoys harvesting kidneys and livers before thebenefactors have even passed. My favorite moment involved the toothytroublemaker’s crazed conviction that she’d uncovered Alexis’ secretvirginity, as if she could somehow sniff out her competitor’s lack ofsexual experience like a police dog to a cache of illicit drugs. Thatsaid, I was actually a little bit impressed that Stephanie S.C. got alittle goofy reenacting scenes from Titanic aboard Andy’syacht. I also dug Andy’s "I see a beautiful woman!" shtick, which,combined with his use of words like "ravishing," "radiant," and"glorious" (as opposed to the standard Bachelor adjectives like "awesome," "amazing," and "great"), makes him the most intellectually advanced Bachelor in, well, ever.
Ofcourse, given that closing-credits scene of Nicole, Susan, and Alexisstruggling with that tricky math equation — There are 15 womenremaining; Andy has already given out one rose; there are 11 roses onthe table; how many women will end up going home without a rose? —let’s not forget gauging intelligence in The Bachelor universe is a strictly relative matter.
What did you think of this season’s second episode? And is the show keeping its spot on your DVR for the rest of the season?
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# 1 – Michael Slezak, I love you. You are the best reality TVWatch writer and you make my heart soar with joy. If only you could record video commentary like you do for Idol… joy joy joy.
#2- yah, this show wasn’t as funny as last week, but I was still amused. If that guy doesn’t seem like the biggest tool just by accepting that car they ask him to cruise around in… I still can’t wait to see how it all turns out.
#3- I am so glad I didn’t miss the end with the math olympics. More joy.
I just found out this guy was stationed in my town before moving to Hawaii. How could I have missed him? This town is tiny!
That organ donor coordinator kinda creeps me out
Thank you Slezak for keeping this TV watch going in the Popwatch blog! You are the best!
I was really shocked he sent Alexis the virgin home, he seemed to like her when they talked about being conservative. Why keep the plastic blonde barbie girl? I thought both of them would go home since they didn’t really try to do the triathalon. If he wants someone physical then why keep the bimbo? For pure fantasy sake? Boys suck.
does anyone else think that this “officer and a gentleman” has the IQ of a drunk Frat boy and the personality of a high school senior?
Just once, I want to see them try a normal date. Where they (and not producers) have to figure out where to go and on a normal person’s budget. Heck, let’s see if any of these girls and the Bachelor can even get along at Blockbuster (the site of many disagreements between loving couples).
Michael Slezak – I have a literary crush on you! *sigh*
Michael, can we get together and watch t.v. just so I can actually hear your running commentary? I would love that.
Is this the first time Andy’s seen the girls? He always has that crazy look in his eye when he is talking about meeting up with the girls.
Stephanie (the Organ Donation lady) is crazy or has just given production great footage to make her look that way. Heck, it’s great t.v. to watch after the work week has just begun.
I’ll keep watching. It’s better that the prince bachelor (last season, and yes, I saw it all).
In answer to Shana’s “Why keep the plastic blonde barbie girl?”: Didn’t it ever occur to you that Andy looks exactly like – and has the personality of – a Ken doll??!
What’s with Stephanie S.C.’s eyebrows? Looks like somebody went crazy with the tweezers… I guess someone who thinks he doesn’t look ridiculous driving around in that 80s-style car would want a girl who looks like she should be dancing around on top of one.
LOL, pure hilarity! Yes the episode wasn’t quite as glorious as the premiere, however still plenty of laughs to go around for everyone! I better get that ’season pass’ entered into my tivo!
Stephanie South Carolina, the “organ donor coordinator” who’s being edited to look like she enjoys harvesting kidneys and livers before the benefactors have even passed
Um, Mike, I like your snark in general, but I’m pretty sure one doesn’t actually have to be dead to donate a kidney or enough of a liver to keep another person alive. In fact, I’d think that probably would be one of the best parts of a transplant coordinator’s job — being able to help someone in need without having to console a grieving family first.
Just a thought…
I have a feeling Andy was drunk on the first group date. That would explain why Tiffany kept leaning away from him.
Oh my gosh, after I watched last night’s “The Bachelor” I can’t believe how right I would possibly be for Andy. He said he wants a girl who can be Sporty, athletic and is not afraid to get her make-up messed up and then go get all cleaned up and become a beautiful woman. I do that all the time. I really like this guy, he seems so romantic and fun. I’m very athletic and I can be fun, the pretty part-he would have to tell me. I have confidence in myself but I’m NOT stuck on myself either, some people have different tastes in looks and personalities. And I’m curious as to what someone would think about me.
Did anyone else notice that Stephanie S.C. could have flown off that yacht doing the Titanic gig without her arms spread out, she has ears like Dumbo?!!!
AG, I kept thinking the same thing about Stephanie SC’s eyebrows! They were so badly shaped and distracting I could barely concentrate. She kept talking about how hot she was and I kept thinking, “uh, no, you’re not”. If you’re going on national television to meet a man you’ve obsessively researched (and have decided you want to marry despite the fact that you just met him about 10 minutes ago and that he’s dating 14 other women).. invest a bit of money in professional expertise and at least get your grooming and makeup in order.
Stephanie SC is just flat out fugly! I cringed every time he called this girl beautiful/hot. Maybe she looks better in person than on TV, because I’m not seeing a beautiful woman when she appears on screen. She reminds me of a less attractive Amber from Survivor with bad implants. Also, no one else seems to have noticed this, but Nicole seems to be as dumb as a box of rocks and she’s not very pretty either. This guy’s taste in women is dubious to say the least.
Gosh, Andy seems really boring — he must be smart (doctor and all) but you wouldn’t guess it from his blank-but-beautiful expression. Too bad he got rid of Alexis — I thought she was one of the more promising candidates.
Does anyone else think that Andy looks like Mark-Paul Gosselaar in that picture above? Now, Zach as the Bachelor–that would be awesome! My girlish dreams come true!
Does anyone else think that Andy looks like Mark-Paul Gosselaar in that picture above? Now, Zach as the Bachelor–that would be awesome! My girlish dreams come true!
I had no interest in watching this season…however I got sucked into the first ep by the intro it got from DWTS. I could NOT believe how funny it was. Thanks for posting on it. I never expected such a dumb dating show to be a source of so much enjoyment. Its definately a guilty pleasure.
Andy Baldwin is hot and went to duke, so obviously he has a higher IQ then a drunk frat boy. You are just jealous of his brains and beauty. Andy is any girl’s dream date and you all wish you were him.
Andy Baldwin is hot and went to duke, so obviously he has a higher IQ then a drunk frat boy. You are just jealous of his brains and beauty. Andy is any girl’s dream date and you all wish you were him.
Though her eyebrows may be weird, Stephanie SC does have the globey-est boobs, which makes her a winner.
I caught the first ep and missed the second, I’m so glad you’re covering it, Slezak! You’re my fave. But what happened with the Star Spangled Banner chick?!
I love this bachelor. I think that he is so cute and sexy. Smart doesn’t hurt either. I like Stephanie SC as well. I think that they make a really hot couple, which is what he is really looking for. Dr’s can see through the moles and goofy smiles and look for that spark that turns them on.
Stephanie SC should be the one Andy Picks!
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