A friend with whom I used to pass notes consisting only of choice lyrics from Sixpence None the Richer’s "Kiss Me" in World History class (I don’t know why, but trust me it was hilarious) sent me the following video of "The S—tiest Mix Tape Ever." (Warning: With a title like that, this clip is NSFW. Duh.) A guy walks around Manhattan with a giant boom box blasting five awesomely bad songs. I have dreamt fondly about doing this myself. I’m kind of pissed that he beat me to the punch, because I feel like I’d give the performance a little more oomph… and I might even twirl. He does not twirl.
Which got me thinking… which songs would I put on my own horrible mix tape?
- B*Witched, C’est La Vie
- Amy Grant, "Every Heartbeat"
- Chicago, "You’re the inspiration"
- Deep Blue Something, "Breakfast at Tiffany’s"
- Rednex, "Cotton Eye Joe" [shudders]
Honorable mention goes to the "Jock Jam Megamix," because not only is it awesome and therefore disqualified, but I already have a dance routine for it. Look for that, coming soon to EW.com video.
Which songs would grace your horrible mix tape?
UPDATE: This week’s issue of EW contains an interview with Aqua Teen Hunger Force’s Master Shake, in which the grumpy beverage lists his five all-time worst tracks. His picks: Counting Crows’ "Mr. Jones," Rod Stewart’s "Forever Young," The Divinyls’ "I Touch Myself," Crazy Town’s "Butterfly," and Cypress Hill’s "Insane in the Brain." No word on which songs Meatwad and Frylock think are wack tracks.
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Anything by Nickelback.
Aziz Ansari is so awesome.
best update ever.
how about torn by natalie imbruglia
Ghetto Superstar by Pras
Little Black Backpack by Stroke 9
Acidentally in Love by Counting Crows
Believe by Cher
and anything by Insane Clow Posse
i just know that Europe’s “the final countdown” would be on there.
one word: Macarena.
We Don’t Have to (Take Our Clothes Off) by Jermaine Stewart
Barbie Girl by Aqua
Little Black Backpack
Anything by Ashlee Simpson especially LaLa
Magic Stick by 50 Cent
Macarena – ?
Bye Bye Bye – N’Sync
We’ve got it goin’ on – Backstreet Boys
Axel F – Crazy Frog
Mr. Vain – Culture Beat
These songs, when played together, may cause mass hysteria and/or serious cases of ear bleeding.
Bad song mixtape, terrible lyrics edition:
“My Humps”, Black Eyed Peas
“Soldier of Love”, Donny Osmond
“Ironic”, Alanis Morrisette
“Hang On Sloopy”, The McCoys
“It’s All Coming Back to Me Now”, Celine Dion
Clare-clare: I beg to differ…The Final Countdown is a rare example of a horrible song that has been miraculously ressurected to awesomeness by its association with GOB Bluth and his magic talent.
Side A :
American Life – Madonna
Emotions – Mariah Carey
Step By Step – New Kids On The Block
Do I Make You Proud – Taylor Hicks
I’ll Be Missing You – Puff Daddy, et al
Roll With It – Steve Winwood
Side B – all original material from the Dirty Dancing ST
Girlfriend by Pebbles
Shake Your Bon Bon by Ricky Martin
Waiting for a Star to Fall by Boy Meets Girl
Two of Hearts by Stacy Q
Hands to Heaven by Breathe
But I like most of these songs…in fact a lot of them are on my iPod…I really shouldn’t admit that, right?
Wait. Is it wrong to love Deep Blue Something’s “Breakfast At Tiffanys”?
I’m so going to have to agree with “cotton eyed joe”… it actually makes me shudder every time I hear it. then I would include:
Nickelback’s “Photograph”
LFO’s “Summer Girls”
Pink “Get This Party Started”
and Aerosmith’s “Don’t Want to Miss A Thing”
two words: “mmm” and “bop”.
Nookie by Limp Bizkit
Laffy Taffy by D4L (I think)
Rico Suave by Gerardo
Escape(The Pina Colada Song)by Rupert Holmes
Convoy by C.W. McCall
Anything by:
Ace of Base (or A$$ of Bass as we used to call them)
Celine Dion
Sheryl Crow
Sarah Machlachlan
Lou Bega – Mambo No.5
Milli Vanilli – Blame It On The Rain
LFO – Girl On TV (which includes the great line… shooby doo wop and scooby snacks.. genius)
Billy Ray Cyrus – Achy Breaky Heart
Fergie – London Bridge
Listening to these in any order will cause your ears to pack up and leave and your head to explode under the weight of mindnumbingly awful songwriting.
All This Love by DeBarge. Anyone who has ever worked for Lowe’s knows this is true. Oh, and Vibology by Paula Abdul.
Side effects may include: seizures, dizziness, headaches, irritability…
“Sometimes When We Touch” by Dan Hill
“Obsession” by Animotion
“Palisades Park” by Freddy Cannon
“Having My Baby” by Paul Anka
“Heaven Is A Place On Earth” by Belinda Carlisle
Anything recurrent or more than 9 months old by anyone ever called a ‘diva’ in any form of print/internet media (i.e. Whitney, Christina Aguilera, Mariah Carey, et. al.) That crap ages faster than a slightly green banana.
ummmm that was hilarious
Older song: “I Miss You” by Klymaxx.
Newer song: “That Summer” by LFO (it was one big Abercrombie commercial).
And anything by Fergie. I break out in hives whenever I hear anything by that skank.
La Isla Bonita
The night they drove old Dixie Down
See the man coming
Boulder hit me one more time
Should have kissed him yesterday
Going back to Mexico
Girls just wanna have fun
Like a Virgin
When I make mix tapes (back when I used to make mix tapes) I like for them to have a unifying theme. So here’s my mix tape of sh**ty cover songs:
KoRn – Radiohead’s Creep (unplugged too, for extra sh**tiness!)
Hilary Duff – The Who’s My Generation
Madonna – Don McLean’s American Pie
Def Leopard – The Kink’s Waterloo Sunset
Michael Bolton* – Otis Redding’s (Sittin’ on) The Dock of the Bay
*Because no sh**ty music list is complete without Michael Bolton.
Def Leppard, get the spelling correct. It is not as it started out. You must have a serious case of envy, because Def Leppard is a great band.
You must have wanted to write for a magazine but was turned down. You certainly do not miss an opportunity to write your column on these message boards.
No envy, just a Kinks fan who doesn’t like hearing their back catalog warbled. Same reason I picked the Bolton cover, no personal dislike for Bolton, he seems like a decent enough guy in interviews, but his version of the song in no way compares to Redding’s original.
Just personal preference. You’re welcome to post your choices too.
Furry Tom: Your name is comical to say the least.Did you get it out of Mad Magazine?